Roger Federer Meets Matt Foley

After watching the losses of both Wimbledon 2008 and the 2009 Australian Open to Rafael Nadal, Robert Federer (Roger's Dad) had seen enough. One day during a family visit, Robert chatted with his son:

Robert:  Son, your mother and I have been watching you spin your wheels with Rafa and quite frankly although it is exciting, we are getting concerned about your constantly losing to this fellow.

Roger:  (Sighs) I am working on it, Dad.  Geez, first the media and now you both?

Robert: Now son, we are not here to GET DOWN on you. I mean we are your parents and frankly who wants to listen to us? 

Roger: You got that right.

Robert: Exactly. So your mother and I want to help and since you are too damn stubborn to hire a decent coach, we came up with a plan to hire a motivational speaker. 

Now, he has been down in the basement trying to eat the Swiss cheese from our mouse traps for the last two hours...

Roger: Ok, this is not a good idea....

Robert:  Three words, Roger..."French Open Bagel" and I am not talking about French cuisine!

Roger: (Sits down and sulks) Okay!

Robert: Now his name is Matt Foley. (Shouts downstairs) Matt come on up!!

Matt:  Thanks Vader, I'll take it from here!  My name is Matt Foley and I am a motivational speaker. First off, I am 47 years old, I am thrice-divorced and I have been ex-communicated and I live in a CAMPER UP IN THE ALPS.

Roger:  You got ex-communicated?

Matt: Dang stint with the Pope. How was I supposed to know he'd go ballistic when I stretched that condom on my head. Now young man, what do you want to do with your life?

Roger: Are you serious?  I am already doing it. I am Roger Federer!!!

Matt: Well, LA-DI-FRIKKIN-DA! Hey Dad, I can't see to well is that Billie Jean King I see there? 

Robert: Now Mr. Foley, I don't think....

Matt:  Dad, I wish you would just let me SPRECHEN ZIE ENGLISH here. Now from what I understand, your not using your racket for matches but for FREEZING UP LIKE...MY CAMPER UP IN THE ALPS!!!  I am seeing Nadal on you like a hot burrito...

Roger:  What does that mean? I cannot believe this is happening. 

Matt: Now, I'll bet your asking yourself, "Hey Matt, how can I get back on the right track and beat Boris Becker's all time record?"

Roger: Uh, that would be Pete Sampras' records.

Matt: Yeah whatever, this squash stuff is all German to me.

Roger: I am a tennis player and I am Swiss. 

Matt: As I see to it, there is only one solution and that is for me to get my frozen gear from the Alps and follow you around the world.  When I am through, we are going to send Nadal back to Mexico!  I am going to get my gear!!

(Robert locks Matt Foley out)

Robert:  I am so sorry, son.  You can go on losing to Nadal if you like.  We will still love you.

Roger: Dad, I promise I will be getting the best damn coach in the morning

(Federer family hug)

Matt (from outside): OPEN UP!!! I am fed up of living in a CAMPER UP IN THE ALPS!!!