Dan Wetzel wets his pants in excitement—The Media Circus

Crap that actually came from somebody’s mouth

“He posed over a 4-iron that he thought was flush, tongue hanging out of his mouth like Michael Jordan when he knew a shot was going in. This one plugged under the lip of the front bunker, and Woods made bogey to fall into a tie.” - Doug Ferguson, AP, on Tiger Woods

We bring this up for two reasons. One, as soon as Tiger Woods was caught on camera with his tongue out, we smelled the comparison coming; in this case, it took place a few hours after the tournament ended.

Two, the media is so predictable that if Tiger Woods dropped an F bomb on the fairway, someone would say Woods has some Bobby Knight in him.

Dan Wetzel is hard for elementary level headlines

Wetzel last appeared in the Media Circus during the run up to the Super Bowl. His column titled “Recession Bowl” associated the slumping economy with a lack of people hanging out the Monday of Super Bowl week—which we attributed to the Monday of Super Bowl week happening to fall on a Monday.

As it turns out, the “Recession Bowl” was the beginning of something special for Dan Wetzel. In the span of two months, Wetzel unleashed a barrage of cute and fun headlines that make the cute and fun in all of us cuter and more fun.

There was that Michael Phelps story that led to instant classics like this one…

And the always reliable movie pun…

When push comes to shove, you can always count on a Dave Foley sitcom to lighten the creative load used for crafting headlines…

How about a good old fashioned snapper chock full of laziness…

Finally, let’s end this party with a household item we all take for granted. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for that which helps keep the meat.

Good work, Dan. Yep. Good work, indeed.

Women’s Final Four footage to reach Fox Sports video team summer, 2009

Might be best for Foxsports.com to remove highlight reel videos in their ladies section for college basketball.

Can’t wait for the story on the women Cardinals reaching the Final Four later this summer. Should be a doozy.

A Nation Pleads with Taco Bell

It’s understood that if you watch the same network and the same programming for literally weeks at a time, you’re going to see the same commercials over and over again.  We can accept that.

But speaking on behalf of a nation of basketball fans, we are pleading with our friends at Taco Bell to please, for the love of god, please retire the freaking commercial with the fake pregnant, nacho-loving, transvestite as soon as One Shining Moment has signaled the end to the 2008 Tournament.

Even Jim Nantz is sick of it—and he doesn’t get sick of very many things.

Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line

If snappy lines were viewed as gifts, the NCAA Tournament would be considered Christmas morning for Mr. Carpenter.  Announcers are tripping over one another to land the next big snapper, maybe the one that gets replayed in the tournament highlights at some point.  The Bobber literally had dozens to choose from, but in the end, this week’s featured snapper is sort of a lifetime achievement award for a lengthy career full of cheesy puns…

“Pittsburgh and Villanova, two more brethren in the Big East go at it.  That will be no Boston Tea Party.” – Dick Enberg on the Elite 8 game played in Boston

If only they all could be like Dick Enberg, Bob’s thumbs would be permanently skyward.