Pre Motor City Wrap/Final Four Preview from the Biggest Little City in the World

I’m a guy who sits in a dark room in downtown San Francisco on weekend nights, talking on the radio and fielding phone calls from sports fans all over the world. Rather than drone on about the tournament games like some dolt whose neckwear matches his highlighter, I wanted to bring you the tournament from a different point of view, so I watched all 60 games of the NCAA Tournament at an isolated casino (that once burned) in Reno (yes, Reno), NV. I'm truly dedicated to bringing my listeners something unique, especially when free, domestic, mass-produced light beer is available.

To set the scene, this casino is a mix of cool bronze sculptures depicting the old west coexisting with the type of decor that once likely adorned one of Uday Hussein's pads. There's something about beer at 9 am. I lost count of how many I consumed, but could never honestly tell if I had a buzz or was just feeling the effects of altitude, or weird rage over the fact that to begin the tournament, Butler (my lock) failed to cover by one lousy hoop. I now hate LSU (maybe I should hate Butler). You’ll find no purer setting to watch the transformation of mildly interested humans into rabid fans than a sports book full of guys who have put cash on a game where every basket potentially matters, even in a blowout.

Funny how the defining moments in the tournament games while watching in the sports book are far different from the ones if you have no clue/care what the point spread is. CBS will show you: Nova’s Scottie Reynolds exciting half-court dash and hoop to end the dream for Pittsburgh and send Villanova to their first Final Four since 1985. They’ll highlight, in the round of 16, Pittsburgh’s Levance Fields draining that long three and then scoring the lay-up off the steal to sink Xavier. The network will show Big 10 Player of the Year Kalin Lucas driving into the lane, pump faking Sherron Collins of Kansas into a foul while nailing the shot and ensuring we wouldn’t have a repeat champ. In the sports book, it’s a completely different story. You remember different plays, like that random, un-athletic looking white guy from Utah State banking home a three late to bring the Aggies within two, allowing them to cover. You scream at the Gonzaga scrubs for not hoisting a shot in the closing minute, making the ‘Zags 13 point winners, and you a loser if you picked them. You fondly remember Grievis Vazquez from Maryland, before he mouthed off about Memphis, hitting that runner in the lane – ensuring the ‘Terps a first half cover against Cal. There should be a highlight reel running in the sports book of plays that allowed teams to dramatically cover. Tell me this is not a great idea.

The biggest line in this place is not at the sports book, but at the buffet. For those of you who have yet to figure it out buffets are disgusting – a mass of humanity digging through troughs of food heated by one of those little burners. I’d rather chew tree bark than help myself to that tray of scrambled eggs George and Midge from Dubuque, Iowa just spooned through. Hard not to notice all the faces of everyone who works in any capacity at this establishment - they all share the common expression of despair/anger. Maybe it's the light beer clouding my vision, but I swear every employee here looks pissed except for the one nice lady taking my money at the window of the sports book (f&%^ing Butler & f*%$ing Gonzaga scrubs).

If you watch the tournament on TV, you see the same commercials over and over and over, but this year because of the bristling economy it's the same commercials from last year over and over and over, except for that new one for an American car company where a nice little girl is pointing toward Howie Long's dong. I thought they would have edited that part of the spot out by the time the second round came around, but I was wrong, although they didn’t seem to show it as much. I’ve seen these so many times I practically dream of that Syracuse dude wiping the beard of the Georgetown fan, or the guy in drag faking pregnancy to smuggle some cheap nachos into the game. And what would sports on TV be without a commercial featuring someone getting drilled in the testicles? The spot featuring the photographer putting the mega flash bulb on his camera to send a game into OT finishes with the proverbial ‘nut’ shot. I normally don’t talk about commercials, but had no control of the remote in the sports book.

You felt some real camaraderie in the first week of the tourney with other newbie/novice gamblers there only for the tournament, but week two in Reno featured a sports book filled with guys who looked more at home, in their natural habitat – like they put in some serious time at the sports book (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Real regulars. They know the waitresses by name and have their seats staked out like DeJuan Blair in the paint. If you ever partake in this endeavor you must realize that there’s way more down time the second week for the regional semis and finals. Just 12 games Thursday through Sunday versus 48 the first week, leaving you way more time to get into potential trouble at the blackjack table, or maybe somewhere worse.


WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEEN MORE OF:

Tyreke Evans.

Duke losing…if you didn’t attend school there, you’re obligated to hate Duke (an unwritten rule that’s usually upheld). Seeing Coach K. and his flaring nostrils (and the Blue Devils) pummeled into submission induces joy. Thank you Villanova. It may be more fun than watching the Yankees lose.

Exciting games minus the point spread.

Aces when I double down with ten.


WHAT I WANT TO SEE/HEAR/SMELL LESS OF:

Stories/references to Ty Lawson’s toe. Look at the stats – I’m not a doctor, but it’s fine.

Hoops announcers saying, “a three-point play the hard way” after a two-point basket and a foul. Think about it, that’s the only way a three point-play can occur. Hitting a shot from beyond the arc is a three-pointer, not a three-point play. Do you say two-point play when a guy makes a field goal inside the arc?

Announcers asking players - “Do you put pressure on yourself?” – WTF kind of question is that?

The term ‘student-athlete’ in reference to the vast majority of guys playing big time college hoop.

The dealer pulling a five with a king and a six showing.

Buffets.

Bobby Knight’s legs in that Guitar Hero commercial.

“One Shining Moment” – I know it hasn’t happened yet, but that song is cheesy and annoying. Give me the tourney highlights, but with a more bouncin’ beat.


MOTOR CITY

Why is any major American sporting event held in Detroit? No metropolis in our country resembles the third world quite like the city they once built cars in, but in my expert opinion (remember, I sit in a dark room talking on the radio and taking your phone calls), Villanova has zero chance against Carolina. This is the type of game that will have you grabbing the remote to see what else is on. Too much talent, relentless offense, and stifling man-to-man defense sends the Wildcats home and the Heels to Monday’s title game. And why does Dickie V keep carrying on about how “good looking” Jay Wright is? The Michigan State/UCONN game isn’t so obvious. The Spartans amazing man-to-man defense (better than Carolinas), the fact they’re playing their best hoop of the year and the home court advantage inclines me to say they will pull the upset of Hasheem Thabeet, A.J. Price and the rest of the Huskies. Carolina looks too good not to win it all this year. With the memory of getting pounded last year in the semis, and all those players coming back, I see the Heels doing what they did last December – beating the Spartans in Ford Field, but in not such a lopsided game. Ty Lawson’s toe will be named MVP.

I would head to Reno for the Final Four, but my wife would file for divorce, if, for a third straight extended weekend, I bolted town in the name of semi-pro hoop and losing money (don’t ask). Looking back on it, I realize the point spread just eludes me. I think I’d have a better chance of successfully removing my own appendix or helping Detroit look less like a third world city than consistently picking games versus the spread.

NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT/SUNDAY MORNING – Tune into Patrick Mauro’s Sports Overnight America Weekend (http://www.sportsbyline.com/bios/mauro.htm) 10:06 pm-1 am - to hear Bleacher Report’s own Jameson Fleming on the Final Four and MLB Previews of the Yankees and the Cubs.