A Few NFL Jersey Advertisement Suggestions

The NFL needs more dough. Then again, who doesn't these crazy days. But the NFL has a plan to generate dollars. The plan is to sell advertisement space on its jerseys.

If the league is fair the fatter the player, the more mass of the man, the more money the player should get.

I mean 360 pounds of Shaun Rogers can carry a helluva a lot more Burger King ads then some scrawny, small-butted kicker.

Its only fair. An "Eat Dunkin' Donuts" ad splashed across the big butt of a bent over defensive tackle is a better marketing point then some mouse of a back up QB standing on the sidelines with a "Lipton Green Tea" sign on his helmet.

Wouldn't it be great to see the Cincinnati Bengals in Chico's Bail Bonds Bengals jerseys?

Or the Dallas Cowboys with Jerry Jones favorite plastic surgeons, say "Doctor Sal's New Nose and Cheeks" splashed across their stars? Or "Take A Nip And Tuck From Doctor Kluck" on their backs? Or a Botox label above the famous star?

Or the Cowboys favorite strip joint say "Larry Flynt's Hustler Club" adorning their crotches with a semi naked girl?

And, of course, the cheerleaders need to advertise the doctors that gave them their fabulous fake breasts.

How about Andy Reid with "Charlie's Cheesesteak Palace" crossing his ample belly.

Donovan McNabb with an upset stomach advertisement?

Or Cedric Benson running for Budwesier?

Eli Manning with a Jim Beam logo?

The Viagra Seattle Seahawks? 

The Titans would look good with a Jack Daniels bottle on their backs.

The Miami Dolphins do need a "Charlie the Tuna" logo on their shoulders.

Maybe the Chicago Bears can push a new Broadway run of Scrooge?

Big Mac signs on Cleveland Brown guards big guts?

Plaxico Burress and the New York Giants with Smith and Wesson shoulder patches?

Ray Lewis and the Ravens for CUTCO?

The Houston Texans flying Exxon colors?

The Carolina Panthers flying the flag for Blackwater?

The marketing schemes are endless.

Maybe the Oakland Raiders pushing a big pharmaceutical firm?

Or a "Xanax now" logo on Terrell Owen's shoulder?

Coors beer on the Broncos helmets?

The Vodka Vikings?

The Captain Crunch Bronco Orange Crush jersey?

How about Danny Snyder and his 'Skins carrying a government ad promoting the bailout?

How about if politicos pay for ads of teams? It would be less annoying then the endless television ads.

Can foreign firms, say Shell or the Saudis sponsor teams? The Saudi Shell Washington Redskins? They own a lot of lobbyists why not buy a jersey spot too?

Or Hollywood movies? Will we see Tom Cruise dressed as a one eyed Nazi on the helmet of the Oakland Raiders?

Or Angie Jolie on the New Orleans Saints jersey?

Or Vivid Video on the Niners thighs?

What about Playboy?

Kendra would look great on a Ram helmet?

The NFL needs money from Strip bars, gun makers, booze supplier's, and Big Pharm because the players promote those causes, often all at once and behind the wheel of a big expensive car, so well.

Advertisements for banks make most fans want to puke these days. Pushing Citi Bank today would make a buzzard jump off a gut wagon so teams need to be inventive.

Skip the Chase Bank sign on the New York Jets. Screw the banks, after all they screwed us. Go hardcore.

I want a semi naked, Bud drinking, beautiful lady with a smoking gun on the Raiders jersey. And damn it Al I want it now!

Give me your best shots.