Curt Schilling Bids Good Bye to Fans

Dear fans of great pitchers who take the mound with tremendous courage,

I thank you for your support over the years. You’ve helped mold me into the pitcher and man I am today. You helped me acquire the mental acumen to speak on behalf of 9-11 even though it had nothing to do with me.

You gave me the courage to take the mound in the playoffs with blood pouring out of my ankle.

You gave me the courage to create fake blood so that it would appear as though it was pouring out of my ankle.

You gave me the courage to wear a wispy, blonde mustache during my rookie season in Baltimore.

You stood up for me and implored that regardless of regular season statistics, Curt Schilling is a Hall of Fame pitcher because of his postseason success.

March 24

1965—The Undertaker is born…or is he?  (Cue freaky music and Paul Bearer making weird faces and holding an urn.)

1975—Muhammad Ali KO’s Chuck Wepner in 15 rounds in Cleveland, OH.  Wepner thrice sued Sylvester Stallone after Stallone publicly stated that Wepner was the inspiration for Rocky.   We’re still confirming rumors that the third lawsuit by Wepner was for no money, rather a request to tell the world that he wasn’t the inspiration for Rocky V.

1976—The world welcomes the athlete who is quickly climbing the ranks in the prestigious category of “most times advertising reps have thought it was clever to have him acting goofy in a commercial.”  We speak of course of Peyton Manning, America’s QB.

You should give a crap that Michael Jordan cried at his son’s basketball game, because Yahoo said so.

Typically a story like this one about Michael Jordan crying as his son’s high school team won the state championship wouldn’t fall on our radar, but Yahoo.com’s insistence on keeping it front page worthy for several days, finally got the better of us and forced us to poke a little fun at it.

Apparently that is the kind of fame that comes with being the best basketball player on the planet for the better part of two decades.  You shed a tear while watching your kid play and suddenly it’s headline news across the nation.

God help MJ if someone ever catches him watching Field of Dreams with his kid because he will be tearing up at the end.  It’s only human.

Josh Bacott studies a lost soul at a St. Louis sports bar in the Fan of the Week.