Dear Josh McDaniels...

Dear Josh McDaniels,

Hi, my name is Jay Cutler. I know you've been looking at pictures of the other Jay Cutler for a while, but I have to apologize to your fantasies that I'm the franchise quarterback for the Denver Broncos, not the "Federation of Bodybuilders Who Share a Name with NFL Quarterbacks."

I understand that you are the new head coach of our football team. On behalf of the Broncos, let me say that we are very happy to have you here.

Since Pat Bowlen is still trying to grow himself a pair of balls, let me introduce the "New Broncos Head Coach Syllabus" to you. If you're a slow reader, don't worry, it's very easy to understand.

You see, there are two chapters. The first chapter is relatively easy. All you have to do is tell us the secrets of your old boss (yes, all his secrets) and how to get to 18-0 without a camcorder.

This step can be accomplished in less than 10 minutes. After that, you will have a five-minute water break, which is when I'll invite our beloved owner Pat Bowlen to introduce you to the second part.

The first thing Pat will do is hand you a check. That is basically your recompense for your time. Don't mind the part on the check where it says "VOID." That is merely Pat's signature.

Pat will then lead you to an oak door baring the phrase, in gold-plated letters, "You Are Not Welcome Here." Don't mind that; it was meant for the garbage pickup guy.

Upon reaching the doorsteps of the headquarters, Pat and I will shake your hand enthusiastically and quietly lead you outside the building, where a New England Patriots jet will be waiting for you.

To hasten your bewildered departure, I've hired a few Pats fans as well as a group of loyal Denver Broncos fans who will see you off by throwing peach pits. If you manage to catch one of them please reserve it, as I've been informed that New England Patriots jets do not offer in-flight meals.

Have a good trip and please do hesitate to go to the bank over the next 30 days to give us enough time to laugh our donkeys off before your check bounces.

                                            Yours Faithfully,

                                            Jay Cutler, Quarterback and CEO of Denver Broncos