Coach from the Couch: AFL Week Three Wrap-up

Since writing weekly wrap-ups of the NFL for a number of years has been a forte of mine, many people (namely Marv the Bartender and Sherman from Rhode Island) have asked me why I am not writing an AFL weekly wrap-up because, after all the AFL is just like the NFL, except one letter is different, and mostly the NFL is outdoors, and the AFL (A meaning Arena) is not. 

Sherman in Rhode Island’s emails had me the most perplexed.  There isn’t even Arena Football in Rhode Island, primarily because the Arena would not fit into the State, but who am I to question Sherm’s inquisitive sporting nature. 

After all, if it weren’t for sports, we’d be watching figure skating on Sundays, a sequin shortage would ensue, and all sparkly-wear would increase to extremely high prices, making some wives, maybe some husbands but probably not, and girlfriends cranky.  

 
So really Sherm had a valid point that all sporting venues must be protected and reviewed, saving us all from figure skating. This statement is not meant to pick on women; many are very sports oriented.  If there really were a sequin shortage though, the likelihood of it affecting women’s clothing lines is predominately higher, translating into most men just would not care assuming the sparkly ware was not enhancing women’s undergarments, or in Marv Alpert’s case, well, lets not even go there.

After taking these thought provoking questions to heart, I decided, “Yea, why not?”  So without further adieu, we get into the Arena Football League on a weekly basis.  Tired of reading recap after recap so you can be the water-cooler Arena Football Guru?  Well, struggle no more.  You now have one stop shopping. 

Let’s just jump willy-nilly into the crazy, often wall-crashed world of Arena Football.

Best (by best I mean highest scoring) game of the week

In a game that ended with a score marked by a sexual position and a hopeful retirement age, but should not draw a picture in your head of both at the same time, the Orlando Predators beat the Utah Blaze 69-61.  (To clarify my previous statement, 61 is the hopeful retirement age).  Shane Stafford of the Predators threw for six touchdowns; three of them to T.T. Toliver. The score did not necessarily reflect the stat sheet. Utah piled up 363 yards of total offense to Orlando’s 285. 

In the turnover department, Utah had less; two fumbles while losing one, to three fumbles lost by Orlando.  While Orlando took the early lead, it was the Blaze that were in front most of the first half.  When push came to shove though, the score was tied 35-35 at half. 

The crux of the game boiled down to missed extra point attempts, leaving Utah on the short end of the score and needing a last second heave into the end zone from the 19 yard line to pull within two and have a chance to tie.  The pass was incomplete, and Orlando won.  Orlando goes to 1-2 on the season, notching their first victory.  Utah remains totally defeated at 0-3.
 

Best game number No. 2

The New Orleans Voodoo racked up 76, yes seventy-six points on their way to victory over the Tampa Bay Storm.  I’m not sure why an Arena team is named after a storm seeing as how all games are indoors, but who am I to judge.  I guess in and of itself Tampa Bay could just be known for some good storms.  Today though, the Storm was just a light rain, and New Orleans beats Tampa 76-55. 

New Orleans pretty much controlled the game all evening, scoring 34 in the second period to Tampa’s big ole’ ZERO.  Tampa Bay did rack up 313 yards of passing offense in defeat.  Jordan James of the Voodoo had seven catches for 112 yards and four touchdowns, while Tampa Bay ran seven rushing plays for a minus three yards.  Ooof…  Both teams are 2-1 and tied for the top spot in the National Southern Division. 

Still Undefeated No. 1

The Columbus Destroyers were at home for the first time this season, and the Cleveland Gladiators were on the road for the first time.  All that hometown cheering should translate into a win yes?  NO! Columbus loses to Cleveland 59-57.  The trio of Raymond Philyaw, Redd, and Amey continue the scoring extravaganza that is Cleveland so far this year. 

The Gladiators, in their first year in Cleveland, move to 3-0 on the season and drop Columbus to 0-3.  This inter-state match up of division rivals was an important one for both teams.  The game played down to the wire, with Columbus needing a two point conversion to tie and send the game into overtime.  The pass came up incomplete, making the home crowd retire in a foul mood.

Still Undefeated No. 2

Keeping pace with the afore mentioned Cleveland Gladiators were the Philadelphia Soul.  They beat the proverbial pants off the New York Dragons, proving that if Soul, Dragon, pocket knife were to replace paper, scissors, rock in the game paper-scissors-rock.  Soul would be paper, and Dragon would be rock, Or Soul would be scissors and Dragon would be …. Oh never mind, you get my drift. 

Philadelphia moves to 3-0 with a 63-42 over 1-2 New York.  Philadelphia prays to the crack in the liberty bell that QB Chris Graziani, who was knocked out in the third with a sprained knee, will heal quickly.  He’ll have to, since Phili plays again this coming Friday.

Good ole Butt-Whoopin’ No. 1

The Georgia Force outscored the Los Angeles Avengers every quarter.  You do that; chances are you will emerge a winner.  Georgia beats LA 58-34, giving them their first win of the season at 1-2 while LA takes their first defeat of the season, dropping to 2-1.  Georgia’s defense mustered two stops and two turnovers in an impressive victory.  The receiving corps of Pauley and Bergeron had a combined seventeen catches and five touchdowns between them, pacing Georgia to victory. 

Good ole Butt-Whoopin’ No. 2

The San Jose SaberCats evened up their record at 1-1, knocking Arizona from the ranks of the unbeaten, also at 1-1, with a resounding 63-43 victory.  The SaberCats are the defending Arena Bowl Champs and demonstrated they are capable of repeating.

The Rattlers started backup quarterback Jeff Smoker, who lived up to his name by getting smoked for three interceptions.  San Jose has 15 straight home game wins dating back to sometime so far away no one remembers the date, and are approaching the all time home win record of the Orlando Predators of 19 in a row set back in 1992-1995.  Arizona heads back to the desert scratching their heads, and their wallets, since upper management offered all season ticket holders a full refund if the Rattlers do not make the playoffs. 

Go up by 22 and You’ll Probably Win

 
The Chicago Rush were without first string QB Sherdrick Bonner, who chose to skip the game to do something crazy like support his wife while she delivered their first baby.  It turned out the Rush had a good game plan. 

They decided to get up by 22 points early, and just hold the lead.  Their strategy worked to perfection, as QB backup and offensive player of the game Russ Michna pulled off 245 yards and five touchdown passes, leading the Rush to a 64-35 victory over the Grand Rapids Rampage. 

No one was quoted as saying “I wish our starting quarterback would go off and have a baby every week” so there is little likelihood that fatherhood will cost Bonner his starting job.  It’s probably nice to know as a starting quarterback, that you have a great backup should irritable bowel syndrome hit sometime during one of the games. 

Monday Night Game that gets stuck at the end just because

The Dallas Desperadoes played the Colorado Crush on ESPN2 Monday evening, rounding out week three of AFL football.  At the end of the first half, Colorado’s quarterback John Dutton was 11 for 11.  Dallas quarterback Chris Sanders was smelling like an old shoe, yet inexplicably, the Desperadoes led 20-17 at halftime.  Will Pettis of the Desperadoes scored four touchdowns in the second half, then added an interception to boot, leading Dallas to a 51-40 win over the Crush.  Pettis ended the night with 12 catches for 144 yards, not to shabby on a 50 yard field.  Dallas keeps pace with Cleveland and Philadelphia at 3-0, while the Crush drop to 1-1. 

The lights turn down in Arenas everywhere.  People wash the face paint off of themselves.  Children sleep.  Its only five days until Friday, when AFL play resumes.