Damn, Google Knows Us Too Well…

The powers of Google are really something.  As we introduced yesterday, we’ll be hosting mustache competitions on a monthly basis. The first monthly category, best “St. Louis Cardinals reliever mustache”, debuted yesterday...and Google’s automatic keyword generation and ad placement didn’t miss a beat.

The following advertisement was displayed front and center on JoeSportsFan.com nearly 10 minutes after the monthly mustache competition was announced by our resident upper lip sweater expert, Dr. Aaron Perlut.

Our curious nature prompted us to explore this intuition a bit further.

What exactly *is* the “Goatee Saver”…and how can it score us a fine-looking lass like the one peering over the gentleman’s shoulder in the advertisement, despite making the owner of the alleged goatee look like Hannibal Lecter?  One click, and the answer was our’s.

What a fine-looking buck, with such a well-groomed goatee. Nice work, Goatee Saver.  Although, your excellence in facial hair trimming seemed to have faded that young fawn into mysteria, which is a bit odd.

Mar. 6

1922 - Making him the highest paid player in the game, Babe Ruth signs a three-year deal for $52,000—but fails to meet his no-cigar-or-womanizing incentives clause, believed to be valued at $8,000. The clause would later set the table for “guaranteed money” in NFL contracts.

1987 - The Hawk, Andre Dawson, signs a blank contract with the Cubs in what turns out to be a bargain. At $500,000, Dawson wins MVP and receives Harry Caray’s honorary drunk glasses at the team’s postseason banquet.

1992 - Yankees pitcher Pascual Perez is suspended one year for cocaine. That’s just great.###MORE###

Neil Everett, ESPN

It never fails: Every time the ESPN Deportes producer whispers “Bartender, how ’bout a JACK!” in Spanish, Neil Everett comes. And comes hard.

Click here to see the entire “oh” face collection.

These are challenging times for a headline writer in the sports world.  You’ve got perhaps the most controversial player in the MLB in A-Rod back in the news and competing with it for space is the story about the most controversial player in the NFL being cut.

It’s time for the real talent to step up.  And we all know where the real talent lives…New York

When in doubt, cram two snappy headlines into one page, make the editor sweat a little. 

Tony La Russa has failed to endear himself to many a player over the years. Jason Major stops in with the seven biggest player-enemies of the manager with eternal hair over his ears.