Oh Where Have You Gone Sweet Rainbow Head?

Remember the 70's and 80's when there was always some oddball character that would show up at a major sporting event, liven it up, and make it more memorable?

There was one creative individual who would get a hold of a set of warm-ups that where identical to whatever NBA team he had targeted that night and would somehow find his way into that teams lay-up drill. To the best of my knowledge, he was able to accomplish this feat with every NBA team.

Then there was Morganna the "kissing bandit" who would run out on the field at certain Major League Baseball games to lay a smooch on an unsuspecting ball player. Morganna, running out in some tight shorts, packing a pair of fifty triple G's, and laying a smacker on Nolan Ryan or George Brett, now that was a sight to behold.

Their was the late "Fan Man", who famously parachuted into the ring of the 1993 Evander Holyfield vs. Riddick Bowe heavyweight-title bout at Ceasars Palace.  He was nearly beaten to death by fans and the fighters' security members.

I'm not quite sure even how these people are defined, probably the best term would be sporting event "crashers".

But the undisputed King of these "crashers" is without a doubt Rainbow Head! Rainbow Head was technically not a true "crasher", he was more of a freaky dude that seemingly, much like Waldo, appeared everywhere. He would somehow position himself at major sporting venues where the camera angle always caught his rainbow-colored, afro-wigged self holding a "John 3:16" sign.

Oh, where have you gone Rainbow Head?

This is just metaphorical however, because I know exactly were Rainbow Head is. He's in the slammer serving three life sentences for kidnapping and several stink bomb attacks. Who would have ever pegged old R.H. as a nut job? Go figure.

Dear God, I just realized two of my childhood idols are now lifers in the Big House, Rainbow Head and O.J., and for remarkably the same offences. They both kidnapped people while brandishing weapons, however, where the devout Rainbow Head utilized stink bombs in his criminal actions, the not so devout O.J. simply used f-bombs.

Excuse my rambling, what this nation needs is a new Rainbow Head type figure to lead the charge and put some zest back into our sports scene.

Obviously, the actual Rainbow Head is out of service, Morganna is retired(she would probably trip on her boobs before she made it to the field at this point), Fan Man is paragliding somewhere in heaven.

I think there's some flabby-bottomed British dude that streaks at soccer games and such, and has looked into doing an event in the U.S., but he's not ours.

Being a K.C. Chiefs fan, I see "Belly Boy" (a shirtless, big-gutted guy done up in red and gold body paint). There's a dude that wears the opposing teams jersey all shot up with faux arrows. But these fellas are basically just fans, and most importantly, they're just regional acts.

What we desperately need is a national presence, someone as identifiable as Tom Brady or Kobe Bryant are in their professions. Where oh where is this person?

Why don't you answer your own call to arms you ask? Well, I just don't have it, I'm probably creative enough, but I'm basically an introvert. It would be like a 4'11" dude trying to play in the NBA or a three hundred pound guy trying to be a jockey, one has to have the natural aptitude.

So if your a creative, spontaneous, and crazy extrovert who has a lot of spare time and is not afraid to spend a night in the can, maybe your'e that special person who can take the torch and be the next great one like our beloved national-superstar Rainbow Head.