Canadian Coup: Bye Bye Buffalo and the Bills and Jills?

Is Canada trying to annex Buffalo?

Not just steal the Bills, and their lovely cheerleaders the Jills, but take the entire city in a startling new show of imperial Canadian policy?

Before ye scoff consider the terrible evil economic witch's brew we are embroiled in, a bilious broth which might just be being born, and understand in this new vicious, vile new world order old friends and new enemies aren't always what they seem.

One day Putin's your sweet, soul eyed vodka swilling buddy and the next day he's mooning ye from Moscow. The worlds gone strange old spies, with far away eyes, sip scotch and say while dreaming of  good, old Cold War Days. A weird world where mass destruction was just a switch away but, at least, the sad eyed Spooks say the Reds were Red, and we were Red, White, and Blue.

The Pentagon said it is planning for a destabilized Mexico, an increasing, violent place, an unstable place, one which wild Pancho Villa would savagely smile at and toast with strong tequila today, but the hard eyed men in Washington are also planning for the 2019 US-Canadian Sea Lane War for the suddenly sweet shipping lanes opened by the melting polar caps.

The Pentagon plans for Russia and Norway, with its old Viking Fishing Fleet, to join the confused fray. But the Russians have few spare parts and the Vikings have been quiet since King Harald of Norway took that sharp arrow in his hard throat in Jolly Old England long ago, the main Pentagon threat, the Generals hiss, is Canadian Imperialism.

And some whisper it has started already with Canadian secret agents trying to steal the Buffalo Bills. Far fetched? Canada has long been at the heart of black operations and mad, dark plots.

Both John Wilkes Booth and Benedict Arnold vacationed in Canada shortly before becoming infamous in America.

President William McKinley was discussing football, tariffs, and trade with Canada in, you guessed it, Buffalo,when he was brutally assassinated. An event which Bills Owner Ralph Wilson was scheduled to speak at. Coincidence? Some may say so...

And ye thought that Buffalo Bills Miami Dolphin game in Toronto was just an innocent act to expand the fan base? An innocent act or a gentle probe to seize first the team and then the city?

And what if they did not send the Bills back? Sure Marshawn Lynch was likely packing more heat then an entire company of Mounties, but what if they infiltrated the Bills with members of the Canadian Secret Service?

Don't laugh that hot chick in Russia at the end of Quantum of Solace told James Bond she was in the Canadian Secret Service. Who knows she could be a Buffalo Jill now for all we know?

Why else would Buffalo Bills Coach Dick Jauron keep his job if he wasn't a deep cover Canadian Spy? Anyone else with that record would have been fired unless, of course, Bill's Owner Ralph Wilson is a double agent.

Did Canada return the real Bill players or a team of cloned Canadian Commandos? Well the Bills did not seem like a highly trained football team too often last year, did they?

Perhaps Wilson is a type of Manchurian Toronto Candidate Owner and "His brain has not only been washed by Canada, as they say...It has been dry cleaned by Canada." 

And when a group of secret Canadian infiltrator fans hold up Queens of Diamonds at a Bill's Home Game Wilson will obediently lead the entrenched team to the buses and point them north.

Forever.

Did ye also notice the Buffalo Bulls were hijacked to Canada for some bizarre, likely spy filled, game called the International Bowl? Who, dear reader, goes on vacation to the International Bowl in Toronto in January?

Bilderburger Group Bankers, Canadian Spy Buffalo stealers, and Black Helicopter folks that's who.

And mefears Paul Maguire and Jack Kemp could be mixed up in this wicked broth of Canadian treachery. Cases of good Canadian whiskey, its whispered, easily buys Maguire's alliance. And Kemp still longs to lead a country and win a Super Bowl.

And why, exactly, is a football team in New York named after an Old West rake from Wyoming via Iowa with a thirst for wicked whiskey and wild frontier women?  Well Buffalo Bill Cody did spend a lot of time in, or near, Canada.

Coincidence? Or Sleeper Canadian Spy?

Tremble when ye gaze north, first the Bills then Syracuse and the Orange, and then Detroit and the Lions, and then Maine, their beloved Black Bears and Stephen King.

Remember the US lost the last time we took Canada on.

So if ye be at a Bills games, and the lovely Jills flash Queens of Diamonds at the crowd, beware if sitting near Jim Carrey, Donald Sutherland or Leslie Nielson.

Be very, very afraid if Gordon Lightfoot and Celine Dion just sang at halftime.

Actually be afraid if they be due-ting and there isn't even a Canadian Coup plot about.

General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. Ice cream, Mandrake, children's ice cream.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Lord, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: You know when fluoridation first began?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: I... no, no. I don't, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen forty-six, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Canadian conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Canadian works.