24 Reasons Sean Avery Is Tougher Than Jack Bauer

(The camera pans over the White House. Cut to a long shot of the the Verizon Center in Washington's Chinatown neighborhood, home of the Capitals.)

WASHINGTON D.C.   12:02:11

INT. President DAVID PALMER's Headquarters

(The room is alive with Palmer staff running around like crazy as Sherry Palmer walks out to the patio where key aides are planning the President's day.)

President Palmer:  I'm going to a hockey game? Not basketball?

Patty Brooks: It's a historic occasion sir.

President Palmer: I want to keep it low key.

Patty Brooks: Wrong, play it out and inspire people.

President Palmer: What's the name of Washington's team?

Sherry Palmer: The Capitals, sir.

President Palmer: Oh? And who's their star player?

Patty Brooks:  Alexander Ovechkin, sir?

President Palmer: A Russian?

Sherry Palmer: Yes, sir.

President Palmer: Jack Bauer broke into the Russian Consulate and got captured because he thought it would be fun to compare Russian prisons with Chinese prisons.

Sherry Palmer: Yes, sir.  How can I sleep?

President Palmer: Better call Jack.

(They kiss)

FADE OUT:


INT. THE BAUER HOUSE

(Jack Bauer and his daughter Kim Bauer are playing a game of chess.)

Kim Bauer: I'm in trouble again dad.

Jack Bauer: Really!

Kim Bauer: Yeah. (She leans back in her chair) My old boyfriend is still giving me a hard time?

Jack Bauer: If by 'old boyfriend' you're referring to that Sean Avery guy ....

Kim Bauer: He said something to the media, dad. It was just trash talk, but it got picked up by a TV camera crew, up in Canada, and they ran with it.

Jack Bauer: Canada, eh? Well, don't worry. I know what to do.

Kim Bauer: Goodnight daddy.

Jack Bauer: I love you.

(She walks toward her room turns around and says.)

Kim Bauer: I'm glad you're going to handle this daddy.

Jack Bauer: Me to sweetie. Have a good sleep.


INT. BAUER HOUSE, HALLWAY NEXT TO KIM'S ROOM (Jack knocks on the door but no answer.)

Jack Bauer: Kim.

(Knocks again, nothing. Jack walks in)

Jack Bauer: Kim, honey.

(The window is wide open as Jack runs to it)

Jack Bauer: Kim! She snuck out. That's it she's grounded for two months and she can forget about getting her drivers license.

(The phone rings)

Jack Bauer: What! (Grabs the phone) Hey Avery. (Pause) Where? Okay, I'll be right there. (Hangs up) If she's not home by the time I get back call all her friends, everyone we know until we find out where the hell she's gone.

Teri Bauer: Okay.

(They kiss)

Jack Bauer: I'll call you from the office.

(Jack walks outside to his SUV)


EXT. BAUER HOUSE, DRIVEWAY

(Jack calls Kim's ex boyfriend Sean Avery. Split screen of Sean and Jack)

Sean: Hello.

Jack Bauer: Sean. Jack Bauer! You plan on seeing Kimberly tonight?

Sean: No. man; we broke up. You know that.

Jack Bauer: Just want to make sure you knew that.

Sean: Snuck out on ya again?

Jack Bauer: Don't screw with me Sean.

Seant: Look! I don't know where she is. You have my word.

(Jack climbs into his SUV)

Jack Bauer: That's a real comfort Sean. Knowing I have your word. By the way, I heard about what you had to say to the media about her. (Hangs up and pulls out of the driveway.)

FADE OUT:

INT. CTU - MAIN FLOOR

(In his SUV Jack comes to red light and sees a newspaper headline about Sean Avery returning to the NHL. Jack calls Nina at C.T.U. Split screen between Jack and Nina)

Nina Myers: C.T.U. this is Myers.

Jack Bauer: It's Jack. What are we going to do with Avery?

Nina Myers: Just bring him in -- no questions asked.

Jack Bauer: Tonight?

Nina Myers: Problem?

Jack Bauer: I'm almost there. I'll see you soon.

Nina: By the way, you're late.

Jack Bauer: Have everyone at CTU adjust their clocks accordingly.

(Jack pulls up in the C.T.U. parking lot)

COUNTER TERRORIST UNIT LOS ANGELES

12: 09:34, 12:09:35, 12:09:36

Jack Bauer: You ever hear of Norman Bethune?

Sean Avery: Who?

Jack Bauer: Withholding information from Jack Bauer is now classified as a suicide attempt.

Sean Avery: You're a wimp and your old man is, too.

Jack Bauer: Oh yeah? You think your tough, do you? While I was imprisoned in China, they made me play Russian Roulette with a shot gun. -- I won.

(Jack and Sean fight. Sean throws the first punch. Jack bobs and weaves. Sean grabs his sweater and pulls it over his head. Jack drops to his knees, rolls on the ground, frees himself from his sweater, grabs his gun.)

12:20:07, 12:20:08, 12:20:09

COMMERCIAL BREAK

12:22:51, 12:22:52, 12:22:53

EXT. HOCKEY ARENA, SOMEWHERE IN NEW JERSEY

(Martin Brodeur's cell phone rings)

(CUT TO Martin Brodeur, the Devils' goaltender.)

Martin: You're holding him? Good. I want to hit him.

Jack Bauer: There's a long line-up ahead of you.


INT. C.T.U. MAIN FLOOR

12:25:13, 12:25:14, 12:25:15

Jack Bauer: Next?

Kim: That's enough, daddy! You're killing him!

Jack Bauer: How did you get in here?

Kim: What he said was bad, but he shouldn't have to die for it!

Sean: (Muffled mumbles)

FADE OUT:

INT. C.T.U. JACKS OFFICE

(Nina exits as Jack looks at a photo of Kim, Teri and himself. He cries a little.)

(His phone rings.)

Jack Bauer: Jack Bauer!

President's Aide:  Jack, we hear you have Sean Avery. The President is on his way to a hockey game. The Capitals are playing the Rangers and the New York team needs help. Get Avery to Washington right away.

Jack Bauer: (Frowns) Just a second. I'll see what kind of shape he's in.

President's Aide: Get him to shape up fast and fly him to Washington. The game is tonight.

(Hangs up.)

12:34:22, 12:34:23, 12:34:24

COMMERCIAL BREAK

12:38:39, 12:38:40, 12:38:41

Jack Bauer:  You're lucky, Avery .... This time!

Avery: When bad things happen to good people, it's probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer. P.S. Jack Bauer must love his daughter; he wouldn't let anyone else who made that many stupid decisions live.