10 Players Who Deserve to Be Sued for Their Terrible Nicknames

Breaking news out of the world of ridiculous and frivolous lawsuits today is that Kevin Durant is being sued for the use of his nickname, which is, of course, Durantula (via LA Times).

The gist of it goes as follows: Some dude who played guitar in a bunch of crummy 80s bands and also went by the nickname "Durantula" is suing Kevin Durant and Nike for damages. Basically, Mark Durante claims to have registered the nickname as a trademark back in the day, and now, he wants money from Nike for their use of the nickname on shoes and for Durant to stop using the name.

What really needs to happen is, this dude needs to be sued for having the worst website in existence and some of the worst lyrics in the history of music. His song "I Wonder" goes as follows:

"

I wonder what the world would be like without man
No more houses, no more cars, no more factories
No pollution, no more crime
I wonder what the world would be

"

That's it. Seriously. That's deep stuff right there, man.

Now, besides the fact that this is the dumbest lawsuit of the decade, maybe the dude has a point. At the very least, Nike should buy the nickname from him; he can't have made so much money from it in the past that he's raking in the dough at this point.

The NBA would be better off with Durant keeping the nickname. After all, there aren't that many great nicknames out there these days, and there are players out there with nicknames who are more deserving of being sued for them, just because of how terrible they are.

10. Boobie Gibson

Plaintiff: The FCC

It's as strange a nickname as you'll stumble across in the NBA, but there's one thing for sure about Daniel Gibson's nickname: It's just strange to call a grown man "Boobie."

Boobie Gibson has led to countless announcers using the word Boobie on prime-time cable television, and the FCC is ready to put an end to that, lest some ladies in the crowd decide to grab his attention with his nickname in a unique way while on camera.

9. The Rooster

Plaintiff: Foghorn Leghorn

The big fellow out in Denver took his nickname from back in Italy (Il Gallo) and translated it to English, becoming "The Rooster."

The nickname makes sense when it's taken as Il Gallo, as it's basically a play on his last name, but when you look at it in English, it makes no sense. Dude looks nothing like a rooster and he doesn't cock-a-doodle-doo.

8. Travis 'Catfish' Outlaw

Plaintiff: Catfish Hunter

With no idea where Travis Outlaw got the nickname "Catfish," I also have no desire to find out, because he's got two other nicknames that work out so much better.

First, the obvious fish to go to with a nickname is Trout, a lazy yet still cool sounding combination of his first and last name. Second, however, is the nickname that fits best, Travis Doubtlaw.

Besdies that, Catfish Hunter should be able to beat anyone with a frozen catfish if they try to usurp his nickname on a national stage.

7. The Black Mamba

Plaintiff: The World Wildlife Foundation

The biggest beef I've got with Kobe Bryant's nickname is that he gave it to himself and everyone just kind of accepted it. That's not cool, bro.

However, the WWF has a huge problem with Kobe Bryant adopting the Black Mamba name. I'll go ahead and summarize their case.

Basically, representatives of the WWF are concerned that with the number of people in the world who hate Kobe Bryant, they'll start hating Black Mambas in real life, leading to hunting and killing them and the eventual extinction of the species.

6. Ghostface Przybilla

Plaintiff: Dennis Coles, A.K.A Ghostface Killah

OK, I can't deny it; this is possibly the funniest nickname in the history of sport, but there's no way it makes any sense.

I'm a fan of "The Vanilla Gorilla" for Joel Przybilla, but this just blows it out of the water. That doesn't mean Ghostface Killah should be OK with it, though.

Ghostface needs to regroup with the remaining members of Wu-Tang and march on anyone who tries to pass this nickname off as a formidable monicker for Joel Przybilla.

5. DaWhite Howard

Plaintiff: Dwight Howard

The only time Dwight Howard and David Lee should be mentioned in the same breath is when comparing heights and shoe sizes; otherwise, they're completely different players.

It's a funny little nickname, sure, but there's no merit behind it.

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but if anything, I'd be pissed off at this if I'm Dwight Howard. Let's get this nickname stricken from the record.

4. The Machine

Plaintiff: Albert Pujols

Whenever I hear Sasha Vujacic referred to as "The Machine," I first recoil in horror from what I've just heard, then I picture him as the worst futuristic robot sent back to capture basketball glory ever imagined.

Albert Pujols should be irked at the very least to have to share a nickname with a guy who wears a soccer-style headband while playing basketball, and he should march into his next basketball game with a baseball bat and systematically beat the nickname away from him.

3. The Gooch

Plaintiff: NBC and the writers of Diff'rent Strokes

A few years back, the folks at Dime Magazine decided that they weren't big fans of Glen Davis' "Big Baby" monicker, so they held a contest for a new nickname. The winner turned out to be "The Gooch."

Now for those of you who were born after 1990 (like myself) and who don't venture over to TV Land very often (unlike myself) The Gooch is the nickname of the bully from Arnold Jackson's school who never actually appears on screen.

However, there's another "Gooch" that always comes to mind whenever I hear that name. Vinny The Gooch was the color commentator from the old Backyard Baseball games. How he got that nickname, I'll never know.

2. Buffet of Goodness

Plaintiff: Golden Corral

Apparently, there exists a shirt out there somewhere in the world with a picture of Channing Frye on it and the phrase "Buffet of Goodness" along the side. Besides the fact that I would like to own this piece of merchandise, I would also like to question whomever it may have been who named Frye "Buffet of Goodness."

On a related note, it seems the only people who should use a phrase like "Buffet of Goodness" seriously are the people of Golden Corral. That's a damn fine buffet (can I have my check now, Golden Corral?).

1. D-Rose, CP3, CB4, D-Fish, D-Will, Etc.

Plaintiff: Class-action suit from exasperated NBA fans.

The NBA is full of some of the best nicknames in existence. Some come from mysterious backgrounds, some came naturally out of nowhere and some were obvious, but all good nicknames have something in common: They aren't as painfully dull as the first letter of a player's first name and the first syllable of his last name.

Every NBA player who goes by a name like this should be stripped of their nicknames, save Andrei Kirilenko, who deserves to sponsor anyone who manufactures AK47s.

Let's get some creativity up in here, guys; we don't want to here the same bland nicknames day after day.