Zen and the Art of Fighting in Era of the Avery Rule

The image of Sean Avery sitting in Zen meditation instead of instigating interest in an NHL game is a troubling one. Hockey needs its heroes and its villains, many argue. But does hockey have to be so violent?

The NHL GMs are all getting together in Florida in March to discuss fighting in hockey and other issues.

Let's hope Paul Holmgren, Brett Hull, Doug Wilson, Doug Risebrough, Darryl Sutter, and Bob Gainey don't get into a brawl.

What if the other GMs give Hull the rookie a hard time about his old housemate, Avery, in anger management.

Picture: 30 GMs in Floriday, after meetings, skipping the beach and the bar to catch a yoga class with some peaceful, relaxing, meditation at the end.

Picture: A group of GMs goes to a sports themed restaurant, maybe a Shoeless Joe's, and ask the staff to switch off the hockey highlights.

"We don't want to see those huge hits, the fights, or God forbid, a bench-clearing brawl."

"What?!" the waiter says. "Hockey without fighting? Are you nuts? Why don't you watch soccer? -- Hey, remember when that guy head-butted the otter guy, who was talking trash to him about the women in his life?"

Another waiter says, "Hockey? What's that? We're watching baseball. This is Sheless Joe's, not Tim Horton's."

The GMS and NHL brass are afraid somebody's going to get killed, live on TV, in an NHL game.
    You can imagine their conversations.
    "Did you hear Claude Lemieux is back, playing for San Jose, after a little time in the Asian league, playing for the China Sharks?" one GM says.
    "Did you know Sean Avery will be back with the Rangers in time for the return of Martin Brodeur with the Devils?" another GM says.
    "Did you know they're making a movie about Sean Avery's stint at Vogue? Yeah! It's supposed to be a real good chick flick," another GM says.
    "Did you see The Devil Wears Prada?" a GM says.
    They discuss the new chinstrap rule in the OHL. It used to be part of the hockey code of chivalry to take your helmet off for a fight, so nobody will bruise their knuckles.
    Now they're afraid of concussions, or lawsuits, or death, or liability, or something.
    When my grandfather left Glasgow to move to Sudbury, the first thing he did in Canada was catch a hockey game in Montreal. He saw the most violent game ever.
    He was a Glasgow Rangers fan who loved watching his team battle the Celtic.
    He played soccer in Sudbury when they had some of the best teams in Canada. In Canada, he became a hockey fan.
    He followed the careers of hockey players from the Sudbury area who played for Toronto in the NHL.
    My father was a Leafs fan, too, in the era of Carl Brewer, Bashin' Bill Barilko, Eddie Shack ... He remembered when Eddie Shore almost killed Ace Bailey with a vicious hit from behind, one night at Maple Leaf Gardens.
    In the hospital the next morning, they shook hands and said, "It's all part of the game."

Those were the days when the Leafs won the Stanley Cup.

The world has changed since then.

We've all evolved.

America has a new president who prefers basketball to football.

Maybe the NHL should get rid of goalies as well as fighting and make it a high scoring game like basketball -- or the kind of hockey my 67 year old brother plays on Sunday afternoons.

Final score: Rangers, 99; Leafs, 67.