The Morning Tailgate: Feb. 9

How do we loathe thee? Let us count the ways.

– The horrendous uniforms that don’t even match the players’ helmets. Why not have each player wear their individual team jerseys? It's just a freaking mess on the eyes.

– The horrific voting process. When Philip Rivers doesn’t make the roster and Brett Favre does, it’s obvious something stinks here.

– Manning Mania. It’s always at peak levels at events like these. However, it's better than licking white stuff with the Williams sisters, we suppose.

– The effort. No one wants to get hurt and no one cares about the outcome.

– Even with modified rules and shitty effort, injuries can still occur.

– Memories conjuring up images of a drunken Chris Berman hitting on one of our mothers.

– The presence of Tiki Barber, who while working on-air as a sideline reporter for NBC, wore a lei. It’s better than the dragon costume, dork.

– No one in Hawaii wants to eat a damn bratwurst, either. Sorry Larry Fitzgerald, but your MVP effort in yesterday’s contest won’t get properly recognized at JoeSportsFan headquarters.

February 9

Volleyball is invented by W.G. Morgan in Boston, Mass. Mr. Morgan has since passed, but young male volleyballers everywhere are still feeling the wrath of his existence by having to tell their disappointed fathers that they’re homosexual.

The St. Louis Browns sign pitcher Satchel Paige, largely recognized as one of the greatest players to come out of the Negro Leagues.

In 1952, Rogers Hornsby, an alleged former member of the Ku Klux Klan, took over as manager of the Browns.  Awwwwwk-ward.

John Kruk is born into the world and eventually dons one of the finer baseball mullets of the 1990s.

Scotty Bowman becomes the first NHL coach to win 1,000 games. That same year, he watched this happen. Sweet.

With news breaking of A-Rod’s flirtation with steroids in 2003, it wasn’t a matter of if the New York papers would drop snappy headlines about it, it would be a matter of which ones could produce the most original.  As always, we turned to the NY Post to see what they came up with, and weren’t disappointed:

And though it isn’t a New York paper, we figured it was at least worth a check to see what The Trentonian was dishing out after they so deftly dealt with the last Yankee-related steroid issues.  They were able to bring the heat on A-Rod as well…

It just so happens that tonight, the Kansas Jayhawks are visiting Columbia, Mo,. for a “Big Monday” contest on ESPN.

Presuming the Tigers make their second appearance in the Top 25 as expected when the polls are released later today, it will mark the first time since 2003 the two rivals will play against each other when both are ranked.

Mizzou sits at 20-4 overall, 7-2 in the Big 12, while Kansas comes into the game at 19-4 overall and 8-0 in the conference.

Basically we’re just pumped that tonight’s game gave us an opportunity to post this mind-bogglingly horrid rap video from the Tigers in 1987. 

For an extra treat, keep your eyes on the cheerleader at the lower right corner in the first few seconds of the video.

The XFL

Discussions of the Pro Bowl made Patrick Imig think back to the time when Vince McMahon and the WW(F) attempted to create a football league that didn’t actually stand for anything. Seriously—the “X” in XFL was never explained.

It was the league that glorified Tommy Maddox, He Hate Me, and Jesse Ventura as a premiere football analyst. He was better with Jim Ross than the alternative, though. Uh, right.

Imig says in his column, "The number two broadcast team was none other than the WW[F]’s own Michael Cole and Jerry the King Lawler.  If you don’t know who Cole is, picture someone who could fill the role as Jonathan on Who’s the Boss. Lawler is a bona fide idiot, but is no worse than Bill Maas."

You can read the entire piece right here.

Dr. Aaron ponders the legitimacy to the claim that Commissioner David Stern is a marketing genius. No one will ponder that David Stern is a midget, however.

The arrest of former Falcons running back Jamal Anderson got Imig thinking about everything and nothing in particular as it relates to the innovator of the Dirty Bird.