The Morning Tailgate: A Salute to Signing Day

Big day today in the world of college football.  It’s national letter of intent signing day, meaning that sports reporters throughout the country will be cruising from high school to high school to watch kids sign a letter and probably to ogle some teen-age chicks, too (just a perk of the job, we suppose). 

On a day like today, which for most kids marks the end of a lengthy recruiting period, there are plenty of JSF Tailgating bratwursts to go around.  We offer up one to:

- The kids who are actually signing the letters of intent—especially those wearing M&M jackets like the one to the right.  Some of the elite players have the luxury of waiting until after the early signing period to dictate where they’re going, but for most, they are eager to claim their spot in the incoming class of ‘09 at the school of their choice. 

- The coaches who will be permanently setting up shop next to the fax machine for eight hours, hoping a few positive surprises fall in their laps.

- The reporters who have to cover the whims of college kids so that lunatic fans are well informed about even those recruits whose names they probably will not hear again for three years after today.

- The lunatic fans who will spend the majority of their morning and afternoon locked into Rivals, thus bringing a small sector of the economy to a virtual halt.

- The postal workers who have been diligently toting around and delivering brochures and letters from recruiters since some of these kids were in grade school

To each of these parties, we graciously hand over a symbolic tube of sausage and congratulate them for their hard work.

February 4

1959: Lawrence Taylor is born, and curious doctors investigate a unique birthmark near his ear, which was later confirmed to be his sweet “LT” earring.

1983: Scott Hamilton wins his third consecutive US Men’s Figure Skating championship, proving that, despite what you may think, heterosexuals are capable of winning skating competitions.

2010: Manny Ramirez returns to baseball after the Pirates offer him $4.5 million and a complimentary “best of Garfield” box set.###MORE###

Barry Switzer, FOX: The only thing Barry Switzer enjoys more than a quickie in the morning is a tall glass of Scotch with breakfast.

(The Entire “Oh” Face Collection)

To: “Leon Lott”

From: “Mark Spitz”

Subject: Idea...

Leon, wanted to commend you for your public efforts in attempting to charge Michael Phelps. It appears the loyalists ignore the fact that, in addition to the bong, Michael got arrested on suspicion of DUI a few years ago. And while the experts say marijuana is a depressant, who’s to say it didn’t enhance Michael’s performance?

If anything, prolonged marijuana use would increase his lung capacity, which in turn helps set world records. My suggestion is to take pictures off the Internet of people smoking the drug and edit Michael and his bare chest into the pictures. And no, I’m not bitter that he shaved his entire body to help set records while pioneers like Mark Spitz sported his real self.

Let me know if you need anything.

MS

...when asked to sum up the Orlando Magic after hearing the news regarding point guard Jameer Nelson?

It appears that this team needs their Magic to pull a point guard...out of a hat.

YEEEEOOOWWWW!

To cap off another majestical football media season, the Media Circus has fun at the expense of former quarterbacks Phil Simms and Steve Young. Granted, it’s not that hard to do, but whatever.