Lest Ye Be Judged: Rooting for Roger Clemens

So Young Enthusiastic Blogger (YEB) walked into a crowded and poorly-lit bar in one of the less trendy regions of the Twin Cities.

When you venture into a hospitality industry establishment in Energy Park, you're not looking for fun, singles, or good food.

You're looking for sports.

YEB loved this dark and dirty sports bar. It was always filled with cigarette smoke, despite the local smoking ban. The food was fattening, the drinks were overpriced, and the service was unmentionable...but there wasn't a mathematical way to get more HD televisions onto the walls and ceilings.

YEB ordered a beer and looked around. The place was more crowded than usual—which probably had something to do with Roger Clemens. The Rocket was coming out of retirement, again, and anyone who cared more about sports than his cardiovascular health had come to see the show.

YEB spotted Old Fashioned Fan (OFF) in a corner booth, where OFF had used a combination of advanced trigonometry and firsthand knowledge of restroom traffic patterns to secure an ideal spot for uninterrupted TV viewing.

YEB: Hey OFF, not working today?

OFF: 'Sup YEB—take a seat.  I decided to take the day off to watch Clemens play. 

YEB:  I thought you hated Clemens.

OFF: I do—the sumbitch is gonna destroy baseball with this nonsense about not traveling with the team.  For five million bucks a month you d think he could live with the occasional red eye, the pansy.

YEB: Can I ask you something OFF?

OFF: Sure kid.

YEB: Do you work double shifts anymore?

OFF: At my age?  No way. I earn enough money now not to have to do that crap.  That and I got a family now—I need to see the kids.

YEB: So why is it okay for you not to work overtime anymore because you're earning more thanks to experience...but not okay for Clemens to basically do the same thing?  He has a family, and by skipping those road trips he saves his body some wear and tear. He's 44 and has more wins than anyone in baseball.  Hasn't he earned the right to ask for a better deal?

OFF: Baseball is different than working at the extrusion company, kid.  I do that for a living. Clemens should play because he loves it—not for money.

YEB: But Clemens does play baseball for a living.

OFF: Whatever YEB—next thing I know you're going to be out there defending Barry Bonds.

YEB: What's wrong with Barry Bonds?

OFF: He's another jerk.  Steroids, cheated on his wife—the guy would lose a popularity contest with Dick Cheney.

YEB:  I don't see why we hold baseball players to these ridiculous standards.  Firefighters are heroes. Baseball players are baseball players.  And who are you to talk OFF?  When was the last time you talked to your daughter Anne—the one from your first marriage? What's it been, eight years?

OFF: Six, jerk.  And they don't put my picture on a baseball card. People don't look up to me.  People look up to baseball players.  They should be held to different standards.

YEB: Give me a break. You have kids—they look up to you.  At least they will before they learn better.  You should try holding yourself to the standards you create for others.  Barry Bonds is just a guy doing what he's good at and making money for it. Why destroy a man for trying to keep a job?  And Roger Clemens—Christ OFF,  you should be happy Clemens got himself a contract that allows him to spend more time with his family...just like you should be happy you make enough money to not have to work double shifts and...

OFF: Dude, shut up already. Clemens is on the mound—game's about to begin.

Marty Andrade is a frequent contributor to the Bleacher Report and the host of a live weekly podcast available at BlogTalkRadio.com/Andrade.