Cowboys Fire Wade Phillips; Release Terrell Owens, Trade Roy Williams (Humor)

In a move that has sent shock waves throughout the sports world, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones called a team meeting and fired head coach Wade Phillips and announced the release of famed wide receiver Terrell Owens. Jones also admitted that he made a mistake in trading for disgruntled wideout Roy Williams from the Detroit Lions.

Jones then stated that Williams had been traded to the Tennessee Titans for fifth and sixth-round draft picks. During his impromptu hour-long press conference, Jones also announced that he would be taking over as head coach and defensive coordinator while retaining his duties as General Manager.

With his son Stephen standing by his side, Jones made another shocking revelation. He made a mistake in firing Jimmy Johnson. Jerry stated that if Johnson were still the coach, the Cowboys may have won “four or five Super Bowls” instead of just three.

This morning, around 6 AM, local Dallas sports reporters were called to Valley Ranch to cover a press conference that would start promptly at 9 AM. The only information given to the reporters in regards to the presser was that it would involve Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones. Most believed that Jones was going to announce that he had made a decision to release a certain player, but nothing of this magnitude.

Jones made his announcement to fire coach Phillips in front of the entire team late last night. Phillips was nowhere to be found this morning and could not be reached for comment.

Fiery wide receiver Terrell Owens was given his walking papers early this morning. Owens released a statement via his agent Drew Rosenhaus that reads as follows:

“While I am greatly disappointed in my release from the Dallas Cowboys, I understand that owner Jerry Jones made this decision in good faith and only wants what is best for the team as a whole.  I enjoyed my time as a Cowboy and will forever relish in the opportunity that Mr. Jones gave me following my tumultuous tenure in Philadelphia.

My greatest regret is that we were not able to bring a Super Bowl back to the great city of Dallas. I wish my teammates well as they embark on a new journey with new head coach Jerry Jones.”

Jones first act as new head coach was to trade wide receiver Roy Williams to the Tennessee Titans. Both teams have a history together as Jones took a gamble and traded for troubled cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones from the Titans last season.

While Williams does not represent the same headache that Pacman presented for the Titans, he is by no means a model citizen in the locker room. Williams was reportedly involved in an altercation with offensive coordinator Jason Garrett after the last game of the season in Philadelphia.

Jones said that his decision to release Owens and Williams was strictly because he places a strong emphasis on team chemistry. “I believe that both players were acting as divisive figures in our locker room. In order to win another Super Bowl, we had to get rid of the players that were a hindrance to that process,” said Jones.

Most reporters were baffled by Jones’ decision to revamp his entire team so late in the offseason. One local writer asked Jones point blank: “Why? And why now?” “I am the person that is responsible for the make-up of the team and if it fails, I will take full responsibility for its success or collapse,” said Jones.

Mr. Jones ended his presser by stating that he looks forward to the upcoming season and working with his new team.