Rex Will Be a "King" in the Swamps of Jersey

The New York Jets hired former Baltimore Ravens Defensive Coordinator Rex Ryan Monday to a four-year contract worth a reported $11.6 million to become the ninth "HC of the NYJ" since the start of the 1990 season.

Ryan, 46, who received a glowing endorsement from coaching icon Bill Parcells, was hired to lead the NFL's equivalent of bastard, redheaded children one day after the Ravens were eliminated by the Pittsburgh Steelers in the AFC Championship game.

"King Rex," the son of legendary and equally notorious defensive mastermind Buddy Ryan who revolutionized the NFL with his “46” package, arrived in the swamps of Jersey and boldly predicted that Gang Green would be leaving East Rutherford in the near future for a trip to Washington D.C. to be congratulated by President Barack Obama on the teams first Super Bowl win since Neil Armstrong walked on the moon in 1969.

"With all the cameras and all that, I was looking for our new President back there," joked Ryan referencing the massive number of reporters present during his introductory press conference at the Jets' headquarters in Florham Park, N.J. "I think we'll get to meet him the next couple of years anyway."

Ryan, a graying man with a portly frame that resembles that of the Big Tuna's, is refreshingly forthcoming and he has enough bravado in him to fill the entire Tri-State area.

"Hey, the Jets are coming, and we're going to give you everything we've got, and that's going to be, I think, more than you (all NFL teams) can handle."

"The Rexorcist," as the New York Daily News dubbed him, is a scheming whiz himself and he favors the same 3-4 defensive alignment that terminated coach Eric Mangini utilized before he was jettisoned last December. In large part because of his father's teachings, Ryan knows what kinds of players he covets (“passionate, physical, aggressive people”) and he believes that the Jets already have a number of them on their current roster, particularly on the defensive side of the ball.

"That's a big reason I came here," he said. "I see a quick fix—not even a fix. This team is right there. That's exciting. Most teams you come into, you're taking over a team that won two, three, four football games. This is a team that was right there at the end, won nine games. I think the expectations are going to be huge. And they should be. I expect to win and win early."

With typical swagger and a hint of his father’s Mr. Fuji-like devious tactics, Ryan told the media that part of his philosophy includes, "If you get one of ours, we are going to take two of yours."

“The Mad Scientist,” as he was labeled in Bodymore, Murderland for his aggressive and unpredictable game plans as the Ravens coordinator, is the antithesis of the paranoid and blasé Mangini. For the first time since Parcells waddled along the sidelines at Jets Stadium, Gang Green has a coach who will be a major asset to their organization instead of an enormous hindrance.

Buddy, who was the Jets Linebackers Coach from 1968-1975 when he began his classy tradition of placing bounties on opposing players, coddled his son with heartwarming advice upon his ascension to the head of the Jets throne.

“Don’t screw this up,” Buddy barked with a slight indication of jest. “This is my team.”

To which Rex responded, “Don’t worry, Dad.”

For some reason, despite the Jets infamous history of banging the pooch, I am not worried either. I am extremely confident that the scientist will create a longstanding winning formula on the grounds of Jimmy Hoffa’s resting place.