Turning The Tables: NFL Mock Draft...Franchise Style.

Hello great fans of the NFL!  

My name is Bill Wright and I am coming to you live from Madison Square Garden.  You are witnessing a monumental moment in the history of sports as the greatest fans of the NFL are choosing which franchise will play for their beloved city.

Throughout the day I will be receiving updates and analysis from my colleagues up here on the platform as well as those down on the floor.

Remember, the selections have been ordered by fan base. 

Joining me on stage are Zel Piper, JR, Coach Pitka, and Tort, of the "Tort Report".

At the ground level we have Clayton Johnson.  He'll be bringing us interviews of the fans, owners, and whoever else he wants to talk with.

Let's start with you, Zel, who do you have at the top of the board?

ZEL: Well, it's no surprise I think to anybody that the Dallas Cowboys are the number one franchise available.  That's a no-brainer.  But where it gets interesting is ranking teams two through five.  At number five I have Baltimore, number four is Miami, number three is New England, and my number two team is Philadelphia.  I truly believe this is how it's going to play out.

BILL: Uh...um...sounds great, Zel.  Coach, what do you think about that? Do the Cowboys carry enough clout to be picked first by the fans of Green Bay?

COACH: This guy is off his rocker.  If you call on him again during this broadcast I'll rip out your thigh muscle and hit you in the face with it.  The Dallas Cowboys.  Are you serious? DON'T! Do not open your mouth until I say it's alright, you got that? The obvious choice here is Pittsburgh.  They are a tremendous franchise with great ownership.  If the great people of Wisconsin are smart, they'll go with Pittsburgh.

TORT: You're probably right, Coach.  Although I wouldn't be surprised if they stick with the Packers.  

BILL: Let's hear what the commissioner, King Ruler, has to say.

RULER: With the first pick in the 2010 NFL Franchise draft, the fans of Green Bay select the Patriots. 

TORT: I can't say that this is a surprise.  Some people had the Colts going No. 1, but with the departure of Tony Dungy that threw too many questions into the mix.

BILL: Perhaps the greatest franchise of the past decade, they will now be playing their home games at historic Lambeau Field.  Coach, what are your thoughts?

COACH: I think this is a good pick.  It's a safe pick.  You really can't go wrong with the coaching staff, ownership, and personnel.  And with Brady coming back healthy next year, they should do some good things.

ZEL: I still think the Cowboys are...

COACH: Shut it!

BILL: Clayton, do you have any information for us from down on the floor?  What are the people saying?

CLAYTON: Well, most people are ignoring me, but one fan from Green Bay whispered to me that it will be great not having to wear green all the time.  It'll definitely be interesting to see where the Packers will be playing next year.

BILL: And here is the King with the second pick of the draft.

RULER: With the second pick, the fans of Washington select the Eagles.

BILL: WOW! I hope you can hear me over all the boos from the Philadelphia section.  This is surely a shocker.  Wait a minute, I think I see riot police in full gear holding back all the people from Philadelphia.

COACH: I knew this would happen.

CLAYTON: Someone, please, send.....help.  I think that was a battery. I don't know if I can...

COACH: Suck it up! Do your job!

CLAYTON: Tell mother I love her.

TORT: You can't blame the people of Washington for going after this franchise.  They are very stable and have been to more NFC Championships than anyone. I think it's an excellent choice.  And the city that gets the Redskins won't be disappointed.

BILL: Let's see who the people of Indianapolis select.

RULER: With the third pick of the draft, Indianapolis selects the Colts.

BILL: Why not? They are familiar with the team and it appears that they are the best team available, contrary to Zel's opinion.  What happened to Clayton?

TORT: Jerry Jones has got to be wondering why he's still sitting here.  I talked to his people and they forecasted his franchise being selected no lower than three.

BILL: And now up, the people of Philadelphia.

RULER: Due to their behavior, the Philadelphia fans have dropped one selection.  Arizona selects the Packers.

COACH: I knew this would happen.  But the people of Arizona receive an excellent franchise.  Good for them.  Even though they made it to the Super Bowl this year, you can't argue with the history and marketing opportunities. 

BILL: Hard to argue with that, Coach.  The Packers have a tremendous following.  Tort, where do you see the people of Philadelphia going with their pick?

TORT: I actually see them pulling the Seahawks out of Seattle.  I honestly thought the Seahawks would go a bit higher but losing Holmgren, this may be a stretch.  We'll see.

RULER: With the fifth pick in the draft—Don't make me drop you another—that's it, Philadelphia picks ninth!

CLAYTON: I've managed to find my way over the Miami section and most of them are sleeping.  I think I'll be OK here.

BILL: I just don't understand it.  They are only hurting themselves.  This means that Cleveland has the next selection.

RULER: The people of Cleveland select the Ravens.

COACH: I knew this would happen.  This is strictly a pay-back selection.  I truly believe that.

TORT: Hold on a second, Coach, I think we have a trade.  Yes, we have a trade.

BILL: Let's go to the Ruler.

RULER: There has been a trade.  In exchange for the Ravens, the city of Kansas City gives the City of Cleveland their selection along with barbecue. 

BILL: This isn't too much of a surprise, as the Chiefs have been irrelevant for so many years.  And now Cleveland will be home to Kansas City Barbecue. 

COACH: This works out for both cities.  Kansas City gets a top-notch franchise and Cleveland will be enjoying baby backs for years to come.  I still think Cleveland did it to screw Baltimore, who actually picks next.

RULER: With the sixth pick of the draft, the people of Baltimore select the Steelers.

TORT: This has got to be the steal of the draft so far, ha ha ha ha. They'll probably win the Super Bowl this year and they've got a very young, successful coach.  And now that the Ravens will become irrelevant in Kansas City, this is a great move for Baltimore.

BILL: Great insight, Tort. 

RULER: With the seventh pick of the draft, New York selects the Bears.

BILL: Wow, the people of New York who weren't on the selection committee are really letting their voices be heard.  They are really giving them the Trent Tucker treatment.  But they do have two picks.

COACH: I just don't understand why they didn't pick the Giants. It's a good franchise.  I guess they're just too tired of Coughlin so they decided to scrap the entire team.  Maybe the Giants will fall to them again, who knows.

BILL: Let's see who Tennessee selects.

RULER: With the eighth pick, Tennessee selects the Buccaneers.

COACH: I'm actually shocked at this one.  I would have thought that the people of Tennessee would have stuck with the Titans, I really would.  The Bucs have great owners,  but whoever gets the Titans will be in good shape.

TORT: Bill, I've talked with some folks close to Jerry Jones and they tell me that the Cowboys are still on the board because of his refusal to part with Wade Phillips and T.O.  

BILL: Well, I doubt anyone is surprised by that information.  Let's go down to the King.

RULER: With the ninth pick, Philadelphia......just try me......Philadelphia selects the Falcons.

BILL: Sticking with the bird theme, the people of Philadelphia take the Falcons out of Atlanta.  Your thoughts, Coach?

COACH: I think this is a great selection.  They have a great coach and a young quarterback and running back.  They'll be in the playoffs many times over the next decade. 

RULER: With the 10th pick, the people of Pittsburgh select the Broncos.

COACH: I just don't like the sound of that, "The Pittsburgh Broncos."  Just doesn't sound right.  Don't get me wrong, it's a good franchise and a good selection, but it just sounds goofy.  The Panthers were still up there, why didn't they go with the "Pittsburgh Panthers?"

TORT: Dallas has an opportunity here with this pick at No. 11 to keep the Cowboys.  Let's see if they do it.

RULER: With the next pick of the draft, Dallas selects the Giants.

BILL: Another surprising move in this draft.  This time by the people of Dallas.  They take one of their enemies, the G-Men, and bring them to "Big D."

CLAYTON: I've tried to get close to Jerry Jones, but it appears that he is too distraught to speak.  Now that he knows he won't be able to pace the field of his new stadium, I guess it's understandable.

COACH: He brought it on himself.  Look at the mess he created.  It serves him right.  Bet he ends up in Buffalo.

RULER: With the 12th pick of the draft, the people of Houston select the Panthers.

BILL: No real surprise here.  The Panthers have been contenders year in and year out.  Great move by Houston.

TORT: You'll get no argument here.  Now that both NFL teams in Texas are filled, it will definitely be weird to have the Texans in the a different city.

COACH: Hey, I never thought of that.  It would be really stupid if a team like San Diego becomes the Texans.  Hope they change their name.

RULER: With the 13th pick, the city of Cincinnati selects the Jets. 

CLAYTON: I spoke with some of the people from Cincinnati and they said they would have been happy to get the Toronto Argonauts, let alone the Jets, a team they've had their eye on sine the beginning.  They just want the Bengals to leave.

COACH: I feel sorry for the city that ends up with the black and orange, that's for sure.

BILL: Considering Delta has a hub in Cincinnati, it's a logical fit.

RULER: With the 14th pick of the draft, the people of New England select the Chargers.

BILL: Hmm, not sure what to make of this selection.

COACH: It's a winning organization.  Perhaps they'll make it to the Super Bowl once they're out of the sun.  I just don't know if the "New England Chargers" makes any sense.

RULER: With the 15th pick, Minnesota selects the Titans.

TORT: Now this is the steal of the draft.  The Titans are a quality organization with an amazing coaching staff.  I'd have to say that the question at quarterback is the reason this team fell so far.

COACH: If I were them, I would have just stuck with the Vikings.  They made it to the playoffs, they have one of the best defenses in the league.  This was just stupid.  They're going to regret this one.

BILL: Well, perhaps the Vikings will end up in New York, as they have the next pick.

RULER: With the next pick, New York selects the Vikings.

COACH: See, New York knows what they're doing.  Forget the Bears pick, this is the good one.  The Vikings will be in the Super Bowl within the next two years.  I promise that.

BILL: Just as we heard many boos with the selection of the Bears, the people of New York are cheering just as loudly with this selection.  A.P., you're moving to the Big Apple.

RULER: With the 17th pick of the draft, the people of Carolina select the Jaguars.

COACH: Now I'm starting to wonder if the Cowboys will ever get picked!

CLAYTON: Jerry Jones has now started mumbling something about starting his own league.  His people are denying this but I know I heard something like, "I will start the JJ League, and I will coach and own all 16 teams—which will all be located in Texas."

BILL: Very interesting, Clayton. Thanks for the update.

RULER: With the 18th pick of the draft, Denver selects the Saints.

BILL: Well, that's a decent pick.  Cities are running out of options at this point.

COACH: Yeah, I can't fault them for picking the Saints. 

RULER: With the 19th pick of the draft, Seattle selects the Redskins

TORT: This is a great pick for the city of Seattle.  Without many quality teams available, the Redskins have to be the one of the most marketable.  There are Redskin fans all over this country. 

COACH: This is a really good pick.  I think the push to change their name will be greater up there, however. 

TORT: Wait fellas, I think we have a blockbuster on our hands.

RULER: There has a been a trade.  Seattle has switched teams with Washington.  Seattle obtains the Eagles and the Redskins go to Washington.  In addition, Seattle sends Starbucks, Salmon, and the Space Needle.  Washington sends Seattle the Washington Monument.   

BILL: Amazing. The people of Washington get their team back, and the fans in Seattle get another flying mascot.  What a great deal for Washington.

COACH: The city or the state?

BILL: The city.

RULER: With the 20th pick, Jacksonville selects the Rams.

BILL: Next.

RULER: With the 21st pick, St. Louis selects the Bengals.

TORT: What a blow to Jerry Jones.  I really thought the Cowboys should have went by now.  Jerry is all alone in the waiting room, listening for the phone to ring. 

COACH: Maybe the Bengals will be better in a dome, we'll see.

RULER: With the 22nd pick, Chicago selects the Raiders.

BILL: I would think that Al Davis will be fine with this move

TORT: So do I, Bill.  It's a big city with a great stadium.  The people of Oakland have to be disappointed, though.  Cowboys must go next.  They just have to.

RULER: With pick 23, New Orleans selects the Chiefs.

COACH: The who?  Who did he say?

BILL: I think he said, "the Chiefs."

TORT: Where are they...oh yeah, I think they played in Kansas City.

COACH: They wear red, right?

BILL: OK, now I know who you're talking about.  Interesting choice.

COACH: I'm sure they'll do better in the dome. 

RULER: With the 24th pick, Tampa Bay selects the 49ers.

BILL: From one bay area to another, the 49ers head to Florida. 

COACH: I think this is a great pick.  Mike Singletary has this team on the move.

RULER: With the 25th pick of the draft, Atlanta selects the Cardinals

BILL: I forgot all about the Cardinals! This is a great choice!

TORT: Sometimes a team just falls because they are overlooked.  I think that's what happened with the Cardinals.  Many people overlooked them.

COACH: Another flying team in the dome.  They wear red, too, just like the Falcons.  Good pick.

CLAYTON: From what I'm hearing down here on the floor is that most cities viewed the Cardinals as a fluke.  They think this is a "one-hit-wonder" situation. 

RULER: With the 26th pick, Cleveland selects the Dolphins.

BILL: This has to be one of the more dynamic selections in terms of climate change for the drafted team.  To go from sunny South Florida to Cleveland.  I assume the only one happy about this is Mr. Ginn.

RULER: With the 27th pick, San Diego selects the Texans.

COACH: I hope they change their name.  That just sounds stupid.

RULER: With the 28th pick, San Francisco selects the Browns.

BILL: The San Francisco Browns.  Has a nice ring to it.

RULER: With the 29th pick in the draft, the people of Oakland select the Lions.

COACH: Well, considering their choices, this pick isn't bad.

RULER: With the 30th pick, Buffalo selects the Cowboys.

TORT: Well there it is, the Cowboys are going to Buffalo. 

COACH: It's quite fitting if you ask me.

BILL: Clayton, any word down there?

CLAYTON: Jerry Jones is the only one left in the room, and he's curled up in the fetal position repeating the phrase, "Romo in the cold. Romo in the cold."  It's quite a sight.

RULER: With the 31st pick, Miami selects the Bills

COACH: Maybe they'll do better in warm weather.  We'll see.  Good pick.

RULER: With the final selection of the draft, Detroit selects the Seahawks. 

BILL: Well, I can't say I'm surprised at that last selection.  Some teams just drop, just as you said, Tort.

TORT: Yeah, it happens.  They are on the verge of not being competitive for many years to come, but I'm sure they'll do fine in Detroit.

BILL: There you have it, folks.  With the exception of the Colts and the Redskins, every NFL city has a new team.  Stay tuned to this channel, as we present you with the National Championship of Go Fish!  Goodnight!