NFL Conference Championship Predictions: Toddler Style

He's done push-ups all week.

He's gotten in the wind sprints down the hall.

He had his eggs for breakfast (scrambled, not raw).

He's ready.

Waldenious may not have quite earned the "ious" last week, but he was 2-2, which is not half-bad. Well, it is half-bad. That expression doesn't work so well in this case because he was exactly half-bad.

We're a family of optimists though, so we'd rather say he was half-good, with some opportunity for improvement.

This week has been all about football. The week leading up to the Conference Championships is a big deal. Injury reports? We got 'em. Coaching press conferences? We watched 'em. Data, stats, trends, history, we know it all.

But if you know anything about Walden by now it's that none of that matters. While everyone else picking games is pulling out their hair waiting for a point spread to move half a point, he's as carefree as if he were splashing in the kiddie pool.

Boy Wonder here throws all conventional approaches out the window. He picks with guts. He picks based on the simple idea that one mascot is superior to the other.

So 2-2 last week puts him at 34-23 on his season.

He's got the 2-0 look in his eye. He's ready.

If you've missed the last few weeks, the premise is simple.

The way this system works is Dad, that's me, writes the teams on a piece of paper.

Example: "Ravens at Steelers"

Then I hand my son the crayon and he makes his selection. The selection is determined by how long he lingers and scribbles on one team's name or the other.

Got it? Good, let's begin.

Eagles at Cardinals

All week we've debated which bird is better. The Eagles beat Vikings in Round One. Vikings are fierce in their own right, but they're not exactly up-to-date villains. The Joker they are not.

Then the Eagles beat mythical Giants. The Cardinals significantly one-upped the Eagles en route to this Sunday.

They beat Falcons. In the battle of birds, you'd think a falcon would be the victor. Bigger, stronger beak. Sharper claws. At first glance, you'd think the best thing a cardinal has going for it is that it's a pretty red color. Clearly they were underestimated.

Then last week they beat Panthers. Panthers are big, scary, strong, fast, and they growl—pretty fierce, but the Cardinals made them look more like Panthers of the pink persuasion.

Cardinals are clearly stronger than they look. Call him crazy, but I think he's a believer.

Walden's pick: Cardinals

Ravens at Steelers

This is the kind of game that gets Walden excited. The snow, the cold, the running games, the tough defenses, bloody noses, dirty pants, smeared eye black.

He's ready for this game. While I'd like to think of him as a future quarterback, he's got the chaotic mindset of a defensive player. You should see him chase and tackle the cat.

And the way he destroys the living room. Throwing his toys around like they're would-be blockers on his way to the quarterback.

It's pure destruction and he does it with a smile on his face.

(In case you're wondering, Walden will be draft-eligible in 2028. He's currently 2'7" and weighs about 30 pounds. He's long and lean. As he grows up, we'll begin to focus on helping him fill out. But strength won't be our primary focus; we're more concerned with endurance and agility. Not only will he be the last man standing, but he will be breathing normally as well.)

We both think this is the kind of game we'll see between the Ravens and Steelers. Two teams that admittedly don't care much for each other would have it no other way.

They say the third time's a charm. The Ravens certainly look to make the cliché come to life, after losing the two regular season match ups to the Steelers. But the health of each team is going in the opposite direction. Pittsburgh is getting healthy and Baltimore's is getting worse.

Either way, this will be of the knock-down-drag-out variety. Walden equates the Steelers with the Man of Steel. He also likes the hypocycloids (those are the three diamonds in the logo).

Are the Ravens just glorified crows?

Walden's pick: Steelers

Walden said "book" this week. As in "book it" and "call the bookie."

He just ripped the head off of one of his puppets.

He's ready for some football.