NFL Playoffs, Week Two Predictions: Toddler Style

My son, the boy wonder (Waldenious, as he should now be known), has learned to say his first sentence:

"Four and Oh."

Okay, maybe it's not a complete sentence, but it's a statement. And a statement is what he made last week going 4-0 with his picks in the first round of the playoffs.

After starting off mediocre and considering giving up the career before it really started, he's bounced back and elevated himself to red-hot status. He's on a Chargers-like streak.

His record on the season stands at 32-21 and not only is he thinking he's the best prognosticator in the world, he's also thinking about expanding into game planning.

I walked in on him this afternoon and this is what I saw. Yes, he had his various stuffed creatures lined up in formation. It's a traditional I-formation but don't be fooled. The kid's progressive. He was talking about spreads and running a quad-option.

You'll notice he puts a lot of credence in the big uglies up front. His offensive line is fierce. Who wouldn't want a T-Rex at left tackle, a massive seal at left guard, and a bear at center? The right side is a little weaker, but with a left side that imposing, the cat lined up in the backfield will have holes all day.

In week's past, it would take hours over the course of days to get Walden focused (and sitting still) to complete his picks.

Friday night, it took him five minutes. He chose with a confidence that told me he'd been up all night considering everything.

If you've missed the last few weeks, the premise is simple.

The way this system works is Dad, that's me, writes the teams on a piece of paper.

Example: "Cardinals at Panthers"

Then I hand my son the crayon and he makes his selection. The selection is determined by how long he lingers and scribbles on one team's name or the other.

Got it? Good, let's begin.

Ravens at Titans

In Walden's world, most everyone he spends time with is a titan. His mom and dad, his aunt Kendelle, the grandparents—they're all larger than he is. The titans of his world tell him when to go to bed and when to stop biting someone.

This pick isn't as easy as many are making it. Yes, the raven is dark and ominous, but the titan exerts a lot of control. He picked quickly, but I could tell he'd deliberated for hours.

So once upon an afternoon dreary, while Walden pondered weak and weary...

Walden's pick: Ravens

Cardinals at Panthers

A rematch between two animals.

I've spent all week trying to convince him that a cardinal is not that tough of a bird. Eagles, ravens...they're all much tougher.

But I couldn't disagree with him on one argument; cardinals do look softer to the touch. That sort of thing matters to him. If he could touch one of the three birds, it would surely be a cardinal.

However, Walden will tell you that a cat is the superior beast. They're more fun to play with, more fun to chase (and easier to catch!), and they're soft.

He's finally listening to me...

Walden's pick: Panthers

Eagles at Giants

The logic in this game should be similar to that of the Ravens-Titans game, but whoever said an 18-month-old is logical? (If you disagree, you've never met one. Trust me, I'd never even thought about it before...but now I know.)

An NFC East rematch, this is Walden's kind of game.

He likes to get physical. He'll wrestle you in a minute. He'll also get in a few cheap shots. He'll bite you, rake your eyes, or throw something at you without hesitation. This is exactly the kind of game we both expect this to be.

Walden's more of a power-running game kid. He finds the West-Coast air attack to be too finesse for his tastes.

And while I tried to convince him that the Eagles are not totally a finesse team, especially on defense, he's not buying it, or them.

Walden's pick: Giants

Chargers at Steelers

Traveling West to East can be tough. Walden admits he'd be tired, too. However, he has no sympathy for the Chargers. Despite riding the Chargers' hot streak, he looks at this game as pragmatically and stone-faced as ever.

It's tough in the world of toddler-wagering and he's the toughest. One week you love a team, the next you don't. It's as simple as that. (His picks against the Falcons are a good example of this attitude.)

As I said before, he's a tough kid. He's so tough that when he falls down, he'll look at you and wait for you to say "You're okay," before getting up. His pain threshold is so high that he needs someone else to tell him whether he's injured or not. That's tough.

(At this very moment he's playing with one of his mother's knitting needles. I will need to stop that. He's tough, yes, but he's not made of Teflon!)

Everything about the Steelers is tough. The city, the coach, the logo (those three hypocycloids are fierce!), the defense, the quarterback (coming back from all those beatings...), and the history.

The Steelers are favored by six and he likes them more than that.

Walden's pick: Steelers

Walden's going with three home teams this week, which is no surprise considering his affinity to home.

He'll settle in this weekend with a cup of milk and a bowl of Cheerios and he fully expects to go 4-0 again.

After this weekend, Walden's vocabulary will expand into Spanish. "En fuego" will be the first thing he learns.