World Football: Jonjo Shelvey and 5 of the Greatest Names in the Game

Maybe it's the shaved head, giving off a certain "Mark Strong"-type aura. Powerful. Austere. As Leonardo DiCaprio's character found out in "Body of Lies": don't mess.

But I think it's the name that sets Liverpool midfielder Jonjo Shelvey apart.

There is a certain rhythmic quality to it—maybe because "Jonjo" rhymes almost perfectly with "banjo", or maybe because the "J's" signify something jocular and giddy, akin to what you might find at a lazy summer afternoon barbecue where the only worry is getting one's hands on the last grilled item.

Poetic fancy aside, should the former Charlton prodigy make good on his considerable potential, his is a name we'll hear chorusing from hundreds of stands for years to come. Telecasters must be chomping at the bit!

This slide show has a decidedly contemporary bend, with one noted exception (final slide) that was just too good to pass up for any lover of the English game, not to mention enthusiasts of the historical significance purveyed in the film version of "Beckett".

I find it in no way embarrassing to say that I am a fully-fledged fan of both. But enough about me.

Here's six (Shelvey included) of the greatest names in world football.

Jeremy Toulalan

He doesn't score often for club, he doesn't score at all for his country (zero goals in 36 senior appearances for France), but Jeremy Toulalan still has an awful lot going for him.

There's his heady play in central midfield, where the former Lyon man—now on Malaga's books—established himself as a reliable defensive option.

During the 2009-10 season, a slew of injuries to the Lyon back line forced Toulalan to deputize in central defense. He did so without ever complaining.

One of my favorite memories from French class (of the few times I paid attention) was that the language isn't geared toward grammatical expediency; rather, it is constructed in a manner that lends itself as most pleasing to the ear.

Kind of like Toulalan's name. But I digress...on to the next one.

Givanildo Vieira de Souza

Better known as "Hulk", de Souza's actual name is elegant enough to merit mention on this list.

But any footballer who goes by one name—Hulk's was bestowed by fans of Tokyo Verdy (who fittingly sported a green kit) while the native Brazilian was playing club football in Japan. Tokyo fans decided his demeanor and powerful physique were spitting images of the famed fictional character.

The 25-year-old is apparently in Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas's transfer cross-hairs (Villas-Boas managed Hulk as recently as last season at FC Porto, where Hulk still plays).

Whoops. No more, as Villas-Boas was sacked Sunday by Blues owner Roman Abramovich.

Whatever the future holds for this winger, he'll always have his name.

It's easy to see him gaining an even greater following in England should he make a move there. After all, outsized characters and fun names have a penchant for turning into household commodities in that country.

Ricardo Virtuoso

Most recently seen playing professionally for Columbus Crew (2006-08), the Brazilian-born Virtuoso had perhaps the perfect name for any midfielder.

Just as the number 10 designates a team's lead playmaker, one look at a squad sheet with Virtuoso on it would make an opposing coach tremble.

One can imagine a certain football announcer...cough cough Ray Hudson...going absolutely gaga at the chance to call a game of his.

Danny Invincible

The Australian with the modest game and outsized name, Danny Invincible is a dream come true for any fan with a hankering for hyperbole.

Now on the books of Army United F.C., a Chinese club, Invincible has enjoyed spells with professional sides both in Australia and Great Britain, playing most extensively for Swindon Town (2000-03) and Kilmarnock (2003-11).

One wishes that Invincible might have been snatched up by Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger ahead of the 2003-04 season.

It would have been perfect timing for a man named "Invincible" to be part of the north London club.

Stephen "Sunny" Sunday

The nickname says it all.

The 23-year-old Nigerian, currently on the books of CD Numancia in Spain after failing to find a place with Valencia, has a name that brightens what has been an otherwise middling career.

He had a trial with Blackpool ahead of last season, but was not picked up by manager Ian Holloway, leading to his eventual move to Numancia.

Once his playing days are done, and he's resigned to the odd kick-about, there won't be a better name for games of Sunday 5-a-side.

Norman Conquest

I envy anyone with a surname as versatile as "Conquest".

When bandying about potential names for a son or daughter, the possibilities are endless. You've got a golden ticket toward bestowing your progeny with a name that will live on, like, say in the annals of Bleacher Report!

Mr. and Mrs. Conquest could've settled for the mundane, and named their lad "Joe", but no, they decided to go for the gusto.

A keeper, Conquest played for Australia 11 times from 1947-50, and was inducted posthumously into the Football Federation Australia's Hall of Fame.

I searched painstakingly for any mention of Conquest's inclusion in an Australian side that traveled to England and defeated the Three Lions there, but to no avail.

That would have been too perfect.