NFL Predictions: Stars Align for 2000 & 9

Last night while stargazing, and without the influence of alcohol, I noticed that there were some stars that seemed brighter than others. This is not to take anything away from the other stars; poor critters are like a billion light years away. Your shine would be dim from that far away too.

But while pondering these illuminated marvels, suddenly they began to align. Then a bright light, or a car with its high beams, hit me, and I began to consider the following for 2009.

For the NFL, the stars blinked the following messages.

1. The Detroit Lions will win nine games, seven shy of Jon Kitna’s prediction.

2. In their first home game of the season, Eagles fans will boo Donovan McNabb for being...Donovan McNabb.

3. The Dallas Cowboys will finally fold as Jerry Jones sells the team to a trio of Hollywood executives who decide they need a new drama for sweeps week.

4. Phillip Rivers wins the NFL MVP award, and Jay Cutler whines, stating that he threw more touchdowns than Rivers and is better looking.

5. After being picked up by the Oakland Raiders, Terrell Owens gets punched out by JaMarcus Russell for telling him that he is the worst QB he has ever played with; 49ers, Eagles, and Cowboys fans celebrate the incident.

6. Ben Roethlisberger breaks his leg and has his spleen removed, but returns the following week and throws two touchdowns using his left hand as the right supports a crutch.

7. Peyton Manning takes over as Indy head coach, and as player/head coach, wins 12 games and a first round bye.

8. Finally, Bud Grant brings his fly-fishing pole and hooks Brad Childress on the sideline, replacing him as head coach, then proceeds to lead the Vikings in a comeback win over the Giants and a playoff berth. Vikings return to Super Bowl and Bud Grant finally wins a SB. Hey, if Paterno can coach at 82, why not the hoary-headed stoic legend?

So there you have it. Nostradamus, eat your heart out. Wait, I think I just saw a falling star.