The 2012 NFL Combine Drinking Game

Consider this our fond farewell to this year’s batch of college football graduates.

The NFL Combine is upon us once again, which means the next few days will be all about reps, speed, technique, interviews and plenty of scouting terms that will make your wives and girlfriends question this exercise altogether. And while campaigning her on the sheer importance of “smooth hips” on these crucial days, you’ll also need entertainment to get through the hours upon hours of drills mixed with awkward on-air silence.

Have no fear; we’re here to help.

For those of you that have been living in a cave the past few years, the Combine is now a massively televised event. Between Saturday and Tuesday, the NFL Network will televise more than 40 hours of live Combine coverage. By the end of it all, you might think you’ve known Mike Mayock for your entire life and somehow you are now friends. This is called Scout Mania and you should see your doctor if you develop this shortly after leaving your house for the first time in 96 hours.

The Combine, outside of some Pro Day footage, is the last you’ll see of these juniors and seniors before they embark on their careers. We’ll watch them enthusiastically in the NFL, no question, but it won’t be the same. Our time with them as “student athletes” (begins laughing, which turns into choking and finally vomiting) has come to a close, and this will be the last time to enjoy their skills before they take that next step. This train actually left the station already, but we’re still hanging on. It’s who we are.

We could sulk about it, we could simply move on to college football’s next batch of great players or we could send this class off by watching their job interviews in style. Is there anything more stylish than participating in a drinking game for the world’ s grandest scouting powwow?

I didn’t think so.

As the saying goes; when the college football offseason gives you lemons, you cut up those lemons and use them in delectable cocktails. 

Without further ado, your 2012 NFL Combine Drinking Game.

Drink one when the terms “smooth hips” or “fluid hips” are mentioned. It’s the ultimate scouting term, and if you’re watching the defensive backs perform, be prepared. Plus, after the intro we absolutely had to include this.

Drink one when an athlete is described as being a “physical specimen” or a “freak.” Courtney Upshaw, we are looking in your direction and I am perfecting the proper drinking form in preparation of your performance.

Drink one when the bench spotter yells wildly at the current bench presser. I apologize for this rule in advance, because he yells loudly at everyone. Consider this our “social.”

Drink one when a quarterback overthrows his wide receiver by 10 or so yards yet is overly praised for the throw because of its “placement” or “timing.”

Drink one every time a receiver drops back-to-back passes. They’d clearly rather be doing what you’re doing at that exact moment, so embrace it.

Drink one every time an offensive or defensive tackle runs under a 5.0 in the 40. Large men that run short distances incredibly fast should be saluted accordingly. And seriously, I'll never accept the fact that 335-pound men could beat me in a foot race by a wide margin.

Drink one each time someone runs a 40 that is under a 4.4. If that individual runs under a 4.3 (cough, cough Chris Rainey cough, cough) then finish your drink. And if a quarterback runs under a 4.4 (more coughs, Robert Griffin III), finish your drink. You should also then preemptively commend the Redskins for trading their entire draft class to get him.

Drink one if Jim and John Harbaugh are shown sitting with one another in the stands. If the cameras catch them wrestling Jim Schwartz and another worthy opponent, finish your drink.

Drink one when someone’s broad jump concludes with them falling backwards and using their hand to support themselves. If they turn this into backwards somersault, make it two for style points.

Drink one if a player is able to jump over 40 inches in the vertical jump. Once you’ve taken your sip, you must then simulate that jump in your living room. When your wife asks questions, just tell her that “you read it on the Internet” and surely she’ll understand.

Drink one for each bench press session where the active participant goes for 40 reps or more. If someone hits the 50-mark, which would break Stephen Paea’s mark set last year, finish your drink. 225 pounds, 50 times, my goodness—just take a drink right now as that all sets in.

Drink one when someone is described as being “fast with pads” on or suggested to have good “football speed.” Let’s just label it as the 4.65 40 that it is and call it a day.

And finally, drink one if you’re already struggling with the college football offseason and you wish you had a time machine that could transport you five months into the future.

 Everyone raise your glasses.