How to Enjoy the EPL in 2012: To Hate It Is to Love It

Watching English soccer can be a hair-pulling experience, but there is a way to enjoy even the 0-0 draws that too often show up on the score sheets. The fun is not about pulling for any one team or player. It's about rooting against a team or player. The EPL has no shortage of targets, but these just may be the five most worthy of your ire. 

Public Enemy No. 1: The Loutish Louis Suarez

Squeal with unrestrained glee every time you see Liverpool on the broadcast schedule, because you get the chance to rail against this guy. He is the Alex Rodriguez of the soccer world. Unquestionably talented, yet behaviorally flawed. Maybe he's a bigot. Maybe he's not.

But Suarez is undoubtedly an agitator who dives constantly and shamelessly complains when he doesn't get the call. Trust me, by halftime, your face will be a nice shade of Liverpool red. 

The High-Diving Act That Is Arsenal

No team surrenders scoring chances like the Gunners. Get star striker Robin Van Persie in the box with the ball, and you can bet he's going down as soon as a defender challenges him. That goes for just about every other Arsenal player. If these guys stayed on their feet, surely they'd score more often and get their poor French manager off the hook. But no.  

Public Enemy No. 2: The Terrible John Terry

Morally-bankrupt team captain John Terry will be out for a while thanks to recent knee surgery, but that makes Chelsea no less entertaining to watch. Yes, Terry appears to be an awful human being, given his trysts with married women and race baiting on the pitch.

But the story this year is the slow burn of manager Andres Villas-Boas as he endures the rumors of his impending doom. His chippy post-match interviews are priceless. 

Public Enemy No. 3: The Incorrigible Carlos Tevez

Tevez imposed his will on Manchester City this year when he returned to the club after a long standoff with his manager, Roberto Mancini. Mancini told everyone and his mother he didn't want Tevez back after the Argentine refused to enter a game late last year. So now that Tevez was welcomed back anyway, we know who really has the power.

Welcome to the second coming of the NBA, England. It's a player's league now. 

Seeing Red: Man U.'s Boring Dominance

Perhaps this is Manchester City's year. Regardless, their cross-town counterparts represent much of what sucks about the EPL: its predictability. Everyone knows before the season starts Man U will be at or near the top. Same deal with Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool and now, Man City thanks to a free-spending sheik.

That leaves underdog-loving Americans no choice but to root for the likes of West Brom, Norwich City and Wigan. And loathing Wayne Rooney and his new rug.