A List Of Things That Annoy Me Regarding Arsenal FC

Where to start ... where to start?

Ever have one of those days where you are in a tear of a mood? Where you feel like you have to just get some kind of weight off your shoulders? Where you have to expel some hot air to feel better?

Yes, well I am having one of those days so here is my "feel-better-by-getting-things-off-my-chest" article.

Things that annoy me about Arsenal:

1. Arsenal fans, various commentators and average Joes alike who claim Arsene Wenger is taking control of Arsenal and implementing some kind of crazy philosophy to win the League on a small budget with kids.

I say:

• Is Arsene Wenger really Dr. Evil in disguise? Sitting behind his desk at the Emirates laughing a manic laugh as he plots to win a major title for "one million dollars" complete with pinky finger to lips gesture?

A slight problem in this little plot of his is that he doesn't have huge money in the first place. Money? Yes. Copious amounts of it? I sincerely doubt it.

Of course a rather bigger problem with his big evil plot to show how fantastic he is, is that he mustn't be a very good mathematician. He must have bought his economics master's off the Internet because his averages aren't worked out very well.

You see most Arsenal fans would argue that our first team would look like this: Almunia (30), Sagna (25), Gallas (31), Toure (27), Clichy (23), Nasri (21), Walcott (19), Fabregas (21), Rosicky (28), Adebayor (24), Van Persie (25). All added up would mean Arsenal have a first team with an average age of 25.

Hardly a bunch of kids. Yes, the Arsenal squad players may be young but if Wenger wants to win the League with kids he would want to get rid of the old ones like Almunia, Gallas, Rosicky, Toure, not to mention grandad himself, Mikael Silvestre.

2. Arsenal fans who will not give Arsene Wenger one ounce of gratitude for what he has done for Arsenal FC. These are the people who believe that George Graham had everything laid on a plate for Wenger and the Frenchman is now taking all the plaudits.

I say:

• True to a point. Graham had put together an immense back five, which contributed hugely to Arsenal winning the double during Wenger's first year in charge. However the midfield and forward line weren't exactly fantastic—John Jensen, Glenn Helder and Eddie McGoldrick never really set pulses racing. Bruce Rioch did a lot of good in signing David Platt and Dennis Bergkamp, though.

My view on the whole thing is that George Graham returned Arsenal to its status as a great club in England. Arsene Wenger then took the club forward and made it a great club in Europe and known worldwide.

While we are talking about the Arsenal fans who won't give Wenger credit for anything, there are those that whinge that he has never signed a big-name player and never will.

Well, Jesus, my heart bleeds for all you poor souls, how do you manage to live as a Gunner day in and day out?

Vieira, Anelka, Petit, Overmars, Ljungberg, Kanu, Sylvinho, Suker, Henry, Pires, Wiltord, Campbell, Toure, Gilberto, Fabregas, Lehmann, Reyes, Van Persie, Adebayor, Rosicky, Gallas, and Nasri to name but some of the trash Wenger has brought into our club in recent years!!

Why buy a thousand-pound chair at Harrods when you can get an identical one at IKEA for a tenth of the price? OK, so a little work may be involved but the end product is the same is it not?

Oh, and back to George Graham.

If he hadn't decided to take a "personal gift" for signing John Jensen then maybe he could have worked miracles with his back four.

3. Arsenal fans who think they have more of a right to speak on the current "plight" of the club because they have been a fan since 1904.

I say:

Your medal for greatness is in the post!!

When I am as old as you I can claim to have followed Arsenal for the last 100 years but hopefully I won't be half as miserable as you or stuck up my own arse.

4. Whoever it was that coined the phrase "AKB" (Arsenal Knows Best) and pontificate that "I support Arsenal FC not Arsene FC."

I say:

This "AKB" thing is so bloody annoying.

In some walks of life you mention anything positive about Wenger and you're an "AKB." Like me you may feel that, no, Wenger doesn't walk on water and makes a lot of mistakes (playing Alex Song) but you also may feel he is a damn fine manager and should be given time to sort out this little mess we are in.

As for those that claim "I support Arsenal FC not Arsene FC" you give me ire. I too have followed Arsenal before Wenger came along (though I'm not 100 years old) and will follow them long after he goes, in fact I know I am, I'm sure I am, I'm Arsenal til I die.

However, I also know a good thing when I see it and Arsene Wenger is
a good thing. Until the time comes that I feel he has made a complete and utter hash of things he will have my full support because he is the manager of Arsenal.

Well actually he has my 90 percent support—when he drops Alex Song forever he will regain some of that 10 percent. We like talking percentages, don't we, Arsene?

Besides, what harm are these so-called AKB's or those that only started following Arsenal when Wenger brought his sexy football? Do they not buy merchandise,
turn up at matches and shout for the same team as we do?

Some people follow players from club to club. Let them follow Wenger
from club to club.

So please stop with this "I support Arsenal FC not Arsene FC." It's not very clever. People have noticed the similarity between the names and you sound like a 12-year-old fighting in the playground.

5. Alex Song and Emmanuel Eboue.

I say:

OK, maybe it is a little unfair on Alex Song. After all he can't pick himself now can he? So really this should be Arsene Wenger picking Alex Song.

God bless the poor young man, he is just not going to make at the highest level. Basically a good start to being able to play football is being able to kick the round thing that moves around the pitch. Some day, Alex, some day...

As for Eboue—mercenary, cheat, go away.

6. The creme de la creme—Arsenal fans who are at the current moment "jealous of Tottenham because at least they are splashing the cash to fix their squad."

I say:

This is a strange one that first appeared in the summer and now, surprisingly, it has reappeared this transfer window.

Yes, you see Spurs are fixing their squad by paying more money for a player they sold last year!!

Arsenal fans who have over the last number of years seen their team win three Premier Leagues, four FA Cups, and an appearance in the Champions League final are jealous of Spurs.

Their theory is that Spurs must have had a great squad last year as they are defending a trophy Arsenal have never won—no, no, no, not the Champions League but the (drumroll) Carling Cup.

Arsenal were four points off the Premiership last year but, no, Spurs were the team as they won a trophy.

I say to those Arsenal fans, I just have a small little incy feeling that Spurs are more worried about avoiding relegation than retaining their trophy. I'll keep with Arsenal's problems, thanks.

7. Alisher Usmanov

I say:

Need I actually say why?

8. The Arsenal PR department.

I say:

Make sure your chairman and board members are saying the same thing to the media.

Communicate with the fans a bit better.

Tell the manager there are certain things he can say that can act as media fodder. Ferme La Bouche!!

Well, that's all I can think of for now.

If you think this article is complete rubbish—I don't care.

If you got all upset and feel angry at me after you read it—I don't care, I feel better, leave a comment and I may see fit to reply.

Ahhhh, now I feel so much better!!