IMPACT 2/9: Final Show Before Against All Odds, Star Wars and Sting (Humor)

I know I haven't been writing a lot on Bleacher Report these days. That's simply because I've been writing more for EnigmaticWrestling.com this past week. Go there, read my stuff, read other stuff, register to be a member and all that good stuff.

This episode of IMPACT was dubbed as a "Star Wars edition," but there was not really any reference to Star Wars on the show. With that said, if you're only reading to see about Star Wars, that's pretty much it. 

Star Wars fans could stop reading right now if they wanted to.

Once again, there was an EGW LIVE IMPACT Chat and I didn't see a single one of you there. I only want a few people to join because too many people would be annoying. Okay, I'm only kind of joking. 

This is the final show before Against All Odds. Don't even try to say, "There's a pay-per-view this weekend?" Uh yeah, it's kind of obvious if you watch the full damn show every Thursday. Let's begin!

Trouble between Abs & Calves

I don't understand how one wouldn't understand this headline...

Bully Ray comes out and is pretty mad. He calls out world heavyweight champion and 2012's most inspirational wrestler of the year (as voted by me) Bobby Roode!

Bully yells about how Roode isn't returning the favor. Bully helps Roode out, but Roode doesn't help Bully. I think Bully Ray forgot about the whole "leader of the selfish generation" thing Roode does.

Roode tries to calm him down. Remember—abs and calves.

General Manager Sting comes out. He books a tag match where "Abs and Calves" will fight James Storm and...Sting!

Hulkamania! And...a former referee?

Yes, that's what you're supposed to think. When you see Garett you see a referee, not a wrestler. A wrestler would shut up and work a match by now.

This "dynamic duo" was seen backstage. 

Don't worry, we'll see them at least five more times on the broadcast.

Daniels w/ Kazarian vs. AJ Styles

One thing I noticed; Daniels gets flipped off by fans a lot. From a live event I went to in White Plains to England.

(Oh! You never read about my IMPACT live event experience?! Join EG-F'n-W already.)

This is your typical AJ/Daniels match. You know—they know each other so well and produce an awesome match that never gets old no matter how many times we see it? Yeah, one of those.

During the match, Daniels pulled out some brass knuckles of some kind. The referee somewhat noticed so Daniels got rid of them. He tossed them to Kazarian who caught it out of a state of confusion...yeah, that sounds right.

Match goes on, it's awesome and eventually Daniels asks for the knuckles back.

Kazarian finally hands them over and Daniels nails AJ in the head.

Winner: Daniels

It should be interesting this Sunday. AJ vs. Kazarian! Who will win?!

The "little" team that could

Magnus and Samoa Joe come to the ring to a big pop. This is England, after all.

Magnus talks about his pairing with Samoa Joe and how plenty never thought it'd work. Guess what? It did and everybody likes them!

The Mag-Daddy (London Brawling, anyone?) says he and Joe are going to win on Sunday. Okay, Magnus cuts a promo too awesome for review-writing...

The champs, Morgan and Crimson come out.

Knowing he can't top Magnus' promo, Morgan just goes on the attack. The champs beat down Joe and Magnus to a chorus of boos and set up a double team for Mag-Daddy.

Joe pulls Magnus from the ring and flips off both big men.

For the first time in years, I consider Samoa Joe cool again. It's a good feeling that we haven't seen in a while thanks to booking.

Douglas Williams vs. Alex Shelley vs. Austin Aries

We get a really generous shot of Christy Hemme. She is attractive...

This week, Douglas Williams is the guy that gets a match due to being in England. Let's hope it doesn't end the same way as Haskins' match (Concussion. Ow).

This match provides your X Division action for the night. Good match, nice spots.

Williams plants Shelley with a Rolling Chaos Theory, but Austin Aries breaks up the pin via yambag shot and for the first time possibly ever, Taz says "nuts" rather than "yambag."

Aries does that, then takes Shelley into a Brain Buster. Shelley counters and hits Sliced Bread for the win.

Winner: Alex Shelley

Good match, can't wait until Sunday. Sorry about the nut-shot Williams—that looked painful.

Austin Aries and Bobby Roode should hang out. A Double and R Double love a good low blow.

Hogan and Garett II

Second time each guy was on TV. I'm keeping count.

Hogan talks with Garett until The Stinger walks in. Hogan and Sting hug and talk a bit about BFG and how awesome everything has been since Hogan was off TV...I mean since Sting took over as GM.

It ends with Hogan finally pushing the cameramen out of the room. I thought those guys wore invisible cloaks hence why nobody ever does that...

(Magic Camera Productions shut down for the night!)

Fans, Kim/Tara brawl, Hulkamania runs wild...again

We get to hear some of the British fans explaining why they love TNA. Can anyone translate a word they said?

Then we get a clip from earlier of Tara taking pictures of an empty arena for some reason. Gail Kim comes and beats her down as two fans walk by casually. They're used to watching fights in the hard streets in the UK, I guess.

Rewind to last week, Hogan is saying TNA is destined for greatness. Third time he's on TV...

Hulkamania runs wild in front of a crowd

Now, Hogan gets TV time in front of the paying fans in Wembley Arena.

Fourth time he's on TV, third time for Garett.

Hogan wants people to support Garett Bischoff and that's the same time everyone sits back down and is quiet. Big pop for Hogan, little reaction for Garett. I heard more boos than cheers, actually.

Hulkamania calls Garett Bischoff the future of this industry. WHAT?! Even Mickie James can't believe what Hogan said:

"

Ummm...Did my ears just deceive me...Or did the Immortal Hulk Hogan just call Baby Bischoff the future of this business? WTH?! FML!!

"

Someone isn't a Baby Bischoff fan. That would be all of Wembley Arena and Mickie James, actually.

Eric Bischoff and Gunner come out. Hogan says Sting let him book a match for Against All Odds; Garett vs. Gunner.

Gunner attacks Garett and Eric hits Hogan with a low blow. Hogan "hulks up" and goes on offense. He holds Eric and Garett punches him in the face.

Why can't we be Friends?

Roode and Bully patch things up before their match later.

Bully goes for a handshake, but Roode says that brothers hug. They hug and Bully tells Roode "three days" and runs off.

Mickie James vs. Velvet Sky

I don't see how this Knockouts match relates to the Knockouts title match this Sunday, but...alright?

Mickie and Velvet work a back-and-forth match with Velvet eventually winning by a roll-up pin. There's nothing to really take away from this match besides tiny hints at a possibly heel turn for "Hardcore Country."

Winner: Velvet Sky

This match made me wonder why TNA doesn't give Sarita a push. C'mon! Sarita for Knockouts champion!

Another pre-match bro-hug

Now, James Storm and Sting are talking before their main event tag match. They hug obviously. Look at the title, what'd you expect?

 

Bully Ray & Bobby Roode vs. James Storm & Sting

Bully and Roode are still showing some tension between each other. Especially when Roode goes to tag out and Bully walks away from him.

Anyway, Sting was doing good and taking it to the guys.

The ending saw Sting lock Roode in the Scorpion and Bully grabbed the World Title. He measured up on Sting, but instead of hitting him in the back, he dropped the title in front of Roode and yelled that he'll see him in three days.

Bully walks out, Roode taps, Sting won his last possible match in England.

Winners: Sting & James Storm

Pros:

• Opening segment. Bully, Roode and Sting are good mic workers. I like the tension between Roode and Bully.
• Daniels vs. AJ
• Magnus' promo
• X Division action
• Main event was pretty good, questionable booking at the end

Cons:

• Way too much Hogan and Garett
• Main event ending was pretty odd. Questionable, like I said.

Here's a bit of news that may either make you happy, sad or feel nothing at all:

As you can tell with this week's review and my last couple of IMPACT reviews, I'm burning out. Not as sharp as I once was and not looking forward to writing these as much as I once was.

My IMPACT reviews aren't over, but it may be time to take a break from them. I've been writing reviews every week for damn-near 10 months now.

Hope you enjoyed my not-so-humorous review this week. Sorry for posting that lie in the title about the humor part. Here's some stuff I wrote on EGW this week:

Sonjay Dutt & Several Other Top Ring Ka King Talents I want to see in IMPACT Wrestling

Top Prospects in the TNA Developmental Territory; Ohio Valley Wrestling

So, thank me and you're welcome for the article. Just joking. Thanks for reading.

You can find much more opinionated articles of mine on EnigmaticWrestling.com. No more reviews may actually free up a lot of time for more opinionated articles.

Check B/R tomorrow for my Against All Odds predictions. Who wants to make a bet? See you tomorrow.