Super Bowl Commercials 2012: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Hits, misses and the dreadfully dull came flooding from the TV on Super Bowl Sunday. 

Here is our chance to divvy up all the commercials and place them correctly in the buckets we have clearly labeled. 

They can't all be winners, but for Tebow's sake, make an effort, Bud Light. Normally we hate when there is a break in the action, but that just isn't the case on the best Sunday in the business. Here is how I saw the Super Bowl spots. 

The Good

Here are the ads that used their millions of dollars well and actually entertained me. Not that that is all that difficult. I mean, I do own Weekend at Bernie's II. 

Let me also say that I didn't include the Acura Seinfeld or the Ferris Bueller Honda spots. These have been written about so much that even I am tired of them, and they are great commercials. Let's just all agree they were good. 

Doritos—Man's Best Friend

Simple is the way to go when you want to appeal to the men in the room. Show us boobies or make us laugh with stupid animal humor. We are simple creatures, and Doritos understands this. 

It may be why I have crushed a couple bags since Sunday. They just happen to make a mean chip as well. 

David Beckham—H&M

Every single room in the world was watching the Super Bowl. Half of those people happen to love themselves David Beckham. It just so happens that my wife is one of them. 

H&M is not my kind of clothing store, but I am not their target demographic. I have never heard the shrieks that came from my living room when this came on, and that vexes me to no end. However, I have to give mad, dope props to H&M for selling the crap out of their, um...I haven't the faintest. 

Clint Eastwood—It's Halftime

Question, does Clint Eastwood ever just burst into giggles? I don't see him as a man that has ever chuckled at anything in his life, and that makes him the perfect person to deliver this dramatic and poignant spot. 

God, it would have been awful to get "the talk" from him as a kid. 

The Bad 

These guys fell flat. 

Sports Celebs—Bridgestone 

If you are going to get Michelle Beadle, Troy Aikman and Deion Sanders, make the commercial funny. What's the punchline, that Sanders felt slighted by the play? Sanders would feel slighted by a hug. This commercial was dumb, and that pains me because I love The Beadle. 

Thing Called Love—Samsung 

Samsung is bringing back the stylus to the smart phone, and we are supposed to party. Hmm, what's next. Are they going to bring back pay phones? How about pagers?

No, wait. I got it. They can bring back sending messages by telegram. Great job Samsung, I will leave the Apple line now. 

The Ugly

Sigh. 

Babies, Creepy Babies—E-Trade

Yup, one more year and one more E-Trade commercial with a creepy baby. Every time I see a talking infant, I think of things that might be hiding under my bed ready to annihilate me. Watching Pet Cemetery will do that to you. 

Bud Light—Platinum

The only thing I know about Platinum by Bud Light is that it invokes crappy commercials and looks like a Zima. Neither of those want me to get drunk on the stuff. 

Danica Patrick—Go Daddy.com

Go Daddy has been hawking their web domain for years with the promise of skin on the Internet. If I am depraved enough to get up and get on the Internet, I am not going to GoDaddy.com. 

They aren't even witty about the promise of skin. I said before that we men are simple creatures, but we do need a modicum of scintillation. Go Daddy has managed to use attractive women and make me lose interest. 

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