WWE's Most Memorable Angles That Would End with Long Incarceration in Real Life

Stop the presses: Wrestling storylines are not, in general, known for their gritty realism. And this invariably leads to issues like legality and adherence to the laws of the land.

Indeed, on various episodes of Raw and Smackdown over the years, we have seen grapplers commit atrocities that would almost certainly land them behind bars for a long, long time if this were the real world.

Stalking, robbery, kidnapping, attempted murder, murder...hey, this is enough to keep your average district attorney up to their neck in work for a decade. 

With this in my mind, here are the most memorable examples of angles that would have landed the wrestlers participating in them in jail...if only the cops had been watching and took notice. 

Edge Kidnaps Paul Bearer

This infamous 2010 storyline saw Smackdown's Edge kidnap Kane's father, Paul Bearer, and proceed to drag the old man, presented as being in ailing health, from city to city all over the country as he emotionally tortured and taunted the grief-stricken Kane during various skits on Smackdown.

Eventually, the whole angle culminated in the dastardly Edge sneakily tricking Kane into accidentally murdering his father in a backstage segment.

An abysmal, soul-sapping storyline that tainted and damaged everyone involved with it, this already nonsensical angle was rendered even more confusing by the fact that Edge was meant to be the heroic babyface we cheered for, and Kane was meant to be the heel. That's right: The guy who kidnapped and callously arranged the death of a frail old man was meant to be the good guy. What?

But never mind about its poor quality. What about the legal ramifications of Edge's evil actions? The guy was openly admitting on television that he had kidnapped another person and was holding them hostage. He had no possible legal defense of his actions whatsoever.

Come on. That has to be at least a few years in jail.

And not only that, Edge was responsible for his hostage's death at the hands of Kane! Throw away the key! 

Or maybe it was Kane who should have been charged over that, since he actually pushed his father off the ledge. Although he probably would have been charged with manslaughter rather than outright murder considering the circumstances.

Bottom line: Someone should have served time over this. Justice for Paul!

Wade Barrett Pushes Randy Orton Down a Flight of Stairs

In order to write off Smackdown star Randy Orton after he suffered a herniated disc in his back and required some time off, WWE scribes came up with an angle in which Orton's hated enemy, Wade Barrett, chucked "The Viper" down a flight of stairs during a vicious Falls Count Anywhere match.

Some sneaky camera work and editing meant we never got to see the purported incident, just the aftermath of Orton lying on a crumpled heap at the bottom of stairs and Wade looking shocked by how far he had went. Hey, Orton's not Mick Foley: He's not dumb enough to actually get himself down a flight of stairs simply to get a wrestling angle over. 

While this was a unique way off writing off Orton, and of giving upper mid-carder Wade more credibility by being the one who took down the star (well, for a month anyway), it also raised some troubling questions.

Why was Wade allowed to get away with attempting to murder another wrestler and bragging about it on TV in the weeks after? At the very least the Englishman should have been charged with grievous bodily harm.

Granted, Orton has gotten his revenge on television (he soundly beat Barrett in a super grudge match on this week's SD), but come on—that doesn't mean Wade has paid for his crimes. 

Nexus Attack Bret Hart

Barrett makes another appearance on this list. Man, this guy must have one heck of a lawyer to keep getting away with all this stuff! Every day he remains free is a mockery of the US justice system, frankly.

Back in the summer of 2010, when Nexus really was a force to be reckoned with (basically, before they started jobbing to John Cena every week), the heel gang of rookies were committing crimes left and right. Who can forget when they tore apart the entire Raw set in their very first appearance and attacked several non-wresttling members of staff? Poor Justin Roberts was almost strangled to death by Daniel Bryan.

That's attempted murder, severe property damage and serious assault, by the way.

Of course, their worst crime may have been in this segment on the June 14 Raw with WWE legend Bret Hart.

After Hart, who was serving as Raw GM at the time, showed himself unwilling to co-operate with their demands, Nexus dragged a struggling Hart into the parking lot and threw the star into the back of a limousine. Then the unseen driver (whom we never actually found out the identity of) proceeded to drive all over the place and intentionally ram into the wall and other cars, almost killing poor Bret in the process.

What were the crimes committed here? Um, attempted murder, assault, dangerous driving, for starters. Not to mention the severe damage done to the other cars. I bet Nexus stole the limo, too.  

The Undertaker Kidnapping People

Come on, Undertaker, you think just because you're an undead zombie you don't have to obey the law?

First of all, he kidnapped Steve Austin in late 1999 and attempted to, erm, to a embalm him while he was still alive. Yikes.  

Undertaker then stalked and kidnapped poor innocent Stephanie McMahon in the spring of 1999, and he even forced her to participate in a black wedding. Thankfully, Austin, who probably sympathised with Stephanie due to his own experiences of being taken hostage, showed up to save her and end the whole nightmare.

Even though he has turned into a huge babyface in the years since, the veteran's casual attitude towards abducting people hasn't changed, as evidenced by his abduction of Smackdown GM Teddy Long in late 2009 for double-crossing him out of the title on a previous pay-per-view.  Although, at least this time Taker brought a smoke machine and a nifty disco ball to make his actions appear to be a a bit more campy and fun, rather than, you know, scary and patently illegal. 

Austin Wrecking Vince McMahon's Corvette

Granted, with his non-stop drinking on the job and attacks several members of WWE personnel (in fairness, most of them deserved it), hell raiser Steve Austin probably broke more than few laws during the Attitude Era, but his (completely illegal) act of pouring cement onto Vince McMahon's expensive new Corvette on a 1998 episode of Raw makes the list.

The Undertaker Buries Paul Bearer in Cement

Yes, Undertaker, Paul Bearer and cement all make another appearance on this list!

In 2004, Bearer, Taker's long-time friend and confidante, was kidnapped by evil Smackdown GM Paul Heyman and The Dudley Boyz and placed in an elaborate glass crypt, buried up to his chest in cement.

Per the (rather ridiculous) storyline, if Undertaker didn't intentionally lose his match with The Dudley Boyz at the Great American Bash pay-per-view, Heyman would be at ringside to pull the lever on the cement coffin, which would pour even more cement into the box, horribly suffocating Bearer.

Seriously, did the writers who came up with this storyline just finish watching a James Bond marathon on television or what?  

As it turned out, Undertaker refused to throw the match and defeated the team of Bubba and Devon. But in a twist, as he walked down the ramp, he ended pulling the lever on the elaborate contraption on himself, killing Bearer. Apparently, this was because Taker felt the manager was his only weakness and had to be gotten rid of. 

So, yes, "The Dead Man" committed murder on live pay-per-view. The cops weren't that bothered, though. Presumably, they knew Bearer (who has more lives than Kenny from South Park) would return one day just to get killed on WWE television all over again.

Worst thing was, per the storylines, Taker remained a babyface after doing this horrific act. Only in wrestling can you be shown to bury someone alive in a truckload of cement on a pay-er-view and still be the good guy.

Everything Kane Has Ever Done

Deep breath...during his time on WWE television, the monster Kane has been shown on-screen viciously throwing Chris Jericho through a glass window, setting commentator Jim Ross on fire, kidnapping and attempting to burn Rob Van Dam alive, attacking Linda McMahon, forcing Lita to marry him on Raw against her will  (the angle also implied he had forced himself on her prior to that), stalking Kelly Kelly, was revealed to be the man who beat his own brother The Undertaker into a coma and also stalked and tried to drag Zack Ryder to Hell.  

All patently illegal and worthy of many, many years of prison time...but...but...no one has ever even arrested him!

Is there anything this guy hasn't gotten away with?