Super Bowl XLVI: Halftime Performers Who Would Be Worse Than Madonna

You get the sense that most diehard pigskin fans aren't very thrilled with the fact that Madonna will be performing at halftime of the Super Bowl.

OK fine. You get the sense that all diehard pigskin fan aren't very thrilled with the idea.

I'm not either, to be honest. Madonna has been irrelevant for a long time now, but I was under the impression that our society had also reached a collective agreement that nobody wanted to hear her music anymore.

Either I'm wrong, or the NFL just isn't with the times.

Well, it's too late now. The only comfort we can give ourselves is the belief that things could be worse.

They really could be. Just imagine if one of the performers listed below was tabbed to handle halftime duties at the Super Bowl.

Enya

I don't actually have anything against Enya. I can't understand what she's trying to say in half her songs, but at least they're calm and relaxing. I actually consider her music to be a guilty pleasure.

But there's a time and a place for Enya's music. One listens to it when one is looking for a moment of serenity, or you can make like me and use it as background music while reading Lord of the Rings.

It doesn't belong anywhere near a football field. That would be just...well, it would be weird. Enya is just a little too soft for the NFL.

Then again, some players would probably say that Enya is perfect for the NFL these days. The league is, after all, getting soft.

*Cough*James Harrison*Cough*

Nickelback

The NFL has been down this road before, and it should never go down it again.

As I'm sure you well remember, Nickelback performed at halftime of the game between the Green Bay Packers and the Detroit Lions on Thanksgiving. It was awful, and it was mercilessly mocked on Twitter.

I totally understand why the NFL approached Nickelback to perform. Their music is offensive to the ears but not to the mind. They represented one of the safest choices the NFL could have possibly made.

I can understand it, but I don't think I could handle it again. Nickelback's half-time performance was bad enough to make me feel embarrassed to be a football fan.

Hank Williams Jr.

I don't think we're going to see Hank Williams Jr. at halftime of the Super Bowl anytime soon. Not after what he pulled to get booted from the opening of Monday Night Football.

You heard some complaints after Williams' famed intro song got the boot but not too many. When it came down to it, he wasn't missed, and he's not going to be missed.

Williams' politics were the cause of his dismissal by ESPN, but his politics wouldn't be the reason his half-time performance would suck.

No sir, his performance would suck because Williams' music sucks. I'm pretty sure I don't need to argue that point, so I won't bother.

Journey

Journey has a huge following, but my goodness is their music terrible.

Granted, it wasn't terrible back in the day when Journey first rose to power. It steadily became awful thanks to all the swine who took their songs and butchered them at local karaoke bars. 

"Don't Stop Believin"has been butchered more than all the others, of course. As far as this matter is concerned, I have no choice but to blame Journey. That song seems like it was custom designed for karaoke bars. They intentionally created a monster, and that monster has been running amok for three decades.

To boot, the song isn't that great when Journey sings it. Hearing them sing it at the Super Bowl would force me to introduce my head to my desk. Over and over again.

The Black Eyed Peas

This is another road the NFL has been down before. A lot of people were scarred for life when it happened.

I'll give The Black Eyed Peas' performance this much credit: it was cool to look at. The first time I watched it, I was actually distracted by all the lights and mouse icons and whatnot.

When I re-watched it, I heard the actual music. That was not a fun experience.

Here's the truth about The Black Eyed Peas. Their music is utter garbage, but it's garbage that can be tolerated as long as it is heard in its intended form. The only versions of their music you should hear are the studio versions.

This band is not meant to perform live. Ever.