"The Law Firm" And The Best Nicknames In Sports
Among the most timeless intimacies shared between athletes and those of us on the other side of the TV screen—fans who choose to devote a degree of our desires towards witnessing the possible outcomes that these men and women facilitate with their deeds—is the ritual of choosing an adequate nickname for these technicolor wunderkinds.
However, it is not always as formulaic as designating naming rights to the fans or the press-row pundits; oft the rare breed of athletic arrogance exists to the point of one decreeing themselves with a nickname worthy of their own prowess, or lack thereof.
And in the rarest of instances, a nickname becomes so holy that that individual makes the appropriate change to claim it by legal rights as his or her own. Lineage to this phenomenon could very well be traced from former NBA player Lloyd B. Free, now the present World B. Free, to the former Ron Artest and current Metta World Peace. A nice sign that the world keeps spinning where nicknames are concerned.
As such, here's a look at several of those nicknames currently worthy of contention on such a list.
BenJarvus Green-Ellis AKA the Law Firm
The man deemed The Law Firm has never ever fumbled in his professional football career, which includes touches as a running back, receiver and kick returner. It is safe to say the The Law Firm has (erhem) earned his retainer.
Brian Scalabrine AKA Veal Scalabrine
While playing time may prove eternally allusive for the redheaded, towel-waving dynamo, nicknames continue to arise in abundance for the Ginger Ninja aka The White Mamba aka Shogun Veal aka Veal Scalabrine.
Wladimir Klitschko AKA Wlad the Impaler
Somehow, it worked out wonderfully for Wladimir Klitschko—the current WBA, WBO, IBF, IBO and The Ring heavyweight title holder—since he made that informed decision as a lad to take the fork in the road towards a career in boxing.
Somehow, Wlad the Impaler's Plumbing Services just does not make efficient use of the moniker.
Tommy Robredo AKA Disco Tommy
For a man whose father supposedly named him after The Who's rock opera character, Tommy, it is entirely appropriate that his nickname is able to check off the box for musicality.
Lance Berkman AKA Fat Elvis
Apparently Berkman, as a young tyke, was thought—from his mom’s perspective—to have resembled Elvis Presley. Leave it to a parent to plant the seed of a future rife with a rueful attachment in the form of a nickname.
Berkman revealed his mother's estimation of his childhood countenance to an interviewer, who asked Berkman whether it was skinny Elvis or fat Elvis, to which he acknowledged it had been the latter.
Marshawn Lynch AKA Beast Mode
Jermain Taylor AKA Bad Intentions
Despite being out of the ring for a little over two years due to brain trauma, Jermain Taylor recently won his comeback fight against Jesse Nicklow via an eighth-round TKO.
Although his nickname achieves total "heaviosity," it may be more accurately attributed to a bygone era within his career.
Tim Duncan AKA The Big Fundamental
Tim Duncan's nickname has achieved legacy status on the list, and thus remains eternally relevant.
Craig Stadler AKA The Walrus
There might not be another instance in all of sport where a nickname so succinctly embodies its human subject like Craig Stadler's nickname, The Walrus.
Sarunas Jasikevicius AKA Jazzy Cabbages
In response to the fact that he couldn't pronounce Jasikevicius' last name, his former coach, Don Nelson, improvised the nickname that stuck.
And it just so happens to sound like something you might pick up at Trader Joe's.