Super Bowl Stars as New York and Boston-Based Film Characters

Avoid the temptation to remind me that the New York Giants actually play in New Jersey, not New York City, and that the New England Patriots actually play in Foxborough, and not Boston. You'd be preaching to the choir. I was among the loudest complainers over the Meadowlands' hosting of football's 2014 championship as a "New York Super Bowl." Because it wasn't. Just as the Patriots changed their name in 1971 to acknowledge their move out of the Bay State's biggest city, they were no long the Boston Patriots. I just felt compelled to point that out pre-emptively.

These are the best players that you'll see in the big game on Sunday, compared to characters from the silver screen that "played" in the same "city." Knowing you people, you'll hate at least half of these, and that's totally cool. Just leave your improvements in the comments. As always, you can email me at joshz at bleacherreport dot you-know-what and tell me what a horrible person I am.

So let's go.

Tom Brady as Will Hunting (Good Will Hunting)

This seems like an obvious opener. It feels like Tom Brady has had the world mashed up against a pane of glass since winning his first Super Bowl in 2002. He is, as Robin Williams' character said in the 1997 film, bound by nothing. Plus both Brady and actor Matt Damon have sported some terrible haircuts over the years. 

Bill Belichick as Professor Micky Rosa (21)

The 2008 film about counting cards in blackjack captured our imaginations, as get-rich-quick ventures are prone to do. Like Kevin Spacey's character in the 2008 flick, Belichick operates on a different wavelength from those around him, even if it occasionally means circumventing the rules that the house has in place. There aren't many coaches out there with five Super Bowl rings.

Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez as the MacManus Twins (The Boondock Saints)

Gronk and Hernandez have dished out their own brand of vigilante justice on the NFL this season, combining for over 2,200 receiving yards in the regular season. Like their film counterparts, they strike quickly and are virtually indistinguishable from one another.

The 1999 movie about two Irish brothers battling the mob in Boston became a cult classic despite a limited showing in theatres, and a sequel was released ten years after the first film. 

Julian Edelman as Billy Costigan (The Departed)

I had to get Martin Scorcese's 2006 masterpiece in here; it has Alec Baldwin in it! But the only player capable of playing both sides, as Leonardo DiCaprio's Costigan did in the film, was Edelman.

The wide receiver took an equal number of snaps on offense and defense, and will probably see a similar load in Sunday's game. How exhausting. Like Costigan's character, he'll he dead at the end of this thing.

Wes Welker as James "Jem" Coughlin (The Town)

Jeremy Renner's performance in the 2010 heist movie resembled a typical Sunday showing for Welker: prolific, with a tangible grit to it. Renner actually played noted cannibal Jeffrey Dahmer in an earlier role, which will lead me to an awesome metaphor about Welker slashing up defenses at will. It'll come to me. Just give me a second. 

Logan Mankins as Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss (The Social Network)

The 2010 movie about the origin of Facebook earned eight Academy Award nominations and clinched a lifetime of scorn for the elitist Connecticut twins, who looked to renegotiate their $65 million settlement with Mark Zuckerberg after the movie was released. If both characters in the film could be "played" by Armie Hammer, Mankins can embody the duo here.

Mankins pulled a similarly curious ploy, sitting out the first eight weeks of the 2010 season while still under contract to the Patriots in hopes of securing a long-term deal. Unlike the "Winklevii," Mankins gambit bore fruit, and he signed a six-year, $51 million deal last summer. 

Tom Coughlin as Deputy U.S. Marshal Sam Gerard (The Fugitive)

Tommy Lee Jones played an old-school fed in the 1993 film adaptation of the TV series starring Harrison Ford. Like Jones' character, Coughlin is seasoned with age and does things his own way. And like Jones, the Giants' head coach didn't see his career take off until later in life.

We also would have accepted Royal Tenenbaum (The Royal Tenenbaums). I might have gone with that, had I actually seen the movie. 

Eli Manning as Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City: The Movie)

Find me an actress over the last ten years that has been dumped on more than Sarah Jessica Parker, whose TV character made the jump to the big screen in 2008. Like Parker, the youngest Manning is often criticized for not "looking the part" of an NFL quarterback. That's just a nice way of saying that he's goofy-looking.

We also would have accepted Paul Rudd's character from Our Idiot Brother. 

Jason Pierre-Paul as Winston Zeddemore (Ghostbusters)

Pierre-Paul was drafted by the Giants last season and managed to crack the starting lineup of a formidable defense that already boasts front-line talent like Osi Umenyiora and Justin Tuck. That's not unlike the plight of actor/director Ernie Hudson, who held his own alongside Bill Murray and Dan Ackroyd in the 1984 comedy/sci-fi hit. 

Victor Cruz as J (Men in Black)

The undrafted wide receiver out of UMass burst onto the scene late this season, exploding for touchdowns and...yeah, this analogy is already out of hand. I'm kinda surprised that they're making a third Men In Black, especially when Will Smith can be Will Smith in any movie he pleases.

Steve Weatherford as Buddy the Elf (Elf)

Weatherford is a spaz. So is Will Ferrell. They both wear tights and can't seem to get out of New York. 

Ahmad Bradshaw and Brandon Jacobs as Quick and Sugar Ray (Harlem Nights)

Richard Pryor paved the way for so many comedians, both black and white, but perhaps none more than Eddie Murphy, who was arguably the biggest star "Saturday Night Live" ever had on its cast. The duo worked together on this 1989 film, which Murphy wrote and directed.

That's not dissimilar from Bradshaw's ascension into the Giants' backfield. The fifth-year running back out of Marshall brought a burst of energy to his team's run game, but instead of supplanting the elder Jacobs, they work together, and work well.