Memphis Grizzlies Throwbacks and the 15 Most Hideous Uniforms in Sports History

The Memphis Grizzlies and the LA Clippers suited up in old ABA threads on Thursday night in an act that was only half appalling. The Grizzlies reminded us that some things are better left dead. 

Here is a list that is very near and dear to my heart. I love fashion do's as well as fashion don'ts. I have been caught wearing Hypercolor T-Shirts and Zubaz Pants, but I wasn't dumb enough to bring that crap into the 2000s. 

I let the cold steel of fashion death ride over those things. Well, except for the Hypercolor shirt. If you see one, please email me immediately because I am desperately looking for it. 

Anyway, the Grizzlies got me thinking two things; eye sight is clearly overrated, and I need to breakdown some of the worst, most god-awful, travesties in athletes trying to look good. 

The makers of the following jerseys and uniforms should be punched in the gut for thinking these were good ideas, but not before we shake their hands for giving us a good and hearty laugh. 

The Grizzlies uniforms were truly something special. The awful yellow and loud green had me fixing my TV for 45 minutes before I realized that even uniform designers get drunk. 

With that, we bring you a uniform showdown that is best viewed with beer goggles on. They are ugly, disgusting and truly best left in the annals of history, but I love them. 

Like Stefan Urkel, we would never have the truly cool, without the horribly defunct Stephen Urkel. Here are those uniforms that make us cringe. 

Yes, the most hideous sports uniforms are here for your pleasure. 

Follow @gabezal

15. Washington Nationals

The Nationals had good intentions when they dressed as the Senators for a game, but they didn't understand what the fallout would be. 

The whole ordeal made Todd Coffey here look like a steamboat. I don't know if I should put him in my fantasy team or kick him down the river and float on his back. 

14. Army Football

Hey where did the Army football team go? They were there for a second, and then they just...Oh, there they are. 

Being hard to see may not be the brightest thing on the football field. Well, unless you are wearing these uniforms. Then we would very much like to see less of you. 

13. Denver Broncos

Okay, this one has a lot going on so keep up. 

First, the Chargers uniforms are ugly. Nobody is arguing that, but the Broncos jerseys usurp that ridiculousness and make the claim that they are the awful ones in this game. 

Second, the coup de grace is the sad horse on the helmets. I in no way condone cruelty to animals, but the poor thing is suffering. 

The horse looks like he was forced to drink copious amounts of malt liquor and then watch the Broncos play. Please, put him out of his misery. 

12. Maryland Terrapins

Maryland wanted more exposure, and decided to dress like chess pieces to get it. I imagine that the Terrapins decided to go with the pattern marked ridiculous from the catalog. 

The only thing worse than these things is the knowledge that one day, someone will be stupid enough to suggest them as a throwback. 

11. Milwaukee Bucks

Yes. We get that your mascot is a freaking deer, but you don't have to emblazon your damn jersey with the animal. The only thing less cool is if they were called the Milwaukee Bunny Rabbits. 

Even the Buck is staring at us all asking, "Um, what the hell am I doing here?"

10. Memphis Grizzlies

Now would you look at this sorry sight right here.

The Memphis Tams were dissolved and so were their green and yellow nightmares. That is, until last night. 

The Grizzlies decided to wear these awful jerseys here, and wouldn't you know it, they lost. It serves them right, bringing back something so awful it cost them the game. Well, that's my story anyway. 

9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Get these guys an Oscar for successfully acting cool. There is no way to go out on the field of battle looking like a bunch of Popsicles. 

If you ever wake up in a cold sweat, you were probably dreaming about these uniforms. 

8. Trenton Thunder

Patriotism is one thing, wearing the flag like a mink coat is quite another. It took me 20 minutes before I noticed that Derek Jeter was in the picture. 

7. John Daly

I will forgive some of these outfits because Daly was drunk when he picked them out. The man that made me sad when he slimmed down is prone to Zubaz pants and shirts that can't contain his gut. 

At some point, Daly became so awesome he dared himself to try just about anything. That includes wearing clown pants on tour. 

6. Toronto Raptors

The scary part isn't that Toronto decided to go with an irate Barney the Dinosaur as their mascot, it's that the Raptors are still an NBA team. 

I know, I was shocked too. 

5. Jorge Campos

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Former Mexican goal keeper is here clinging to that Cirque du Soleil look he was hoping would come in. Somebody killed the Froot Loops toucan and fashioned a jersey, and that makes me sad. 

4. San Diego Padres

Nothing makes me happier than seeing a bunch of dudes that look like bowlers dress up in hideous baseball uniforms. 

The Padres have a long proud history of horrible duds. They tried to just have a long proud history but decided to go with this instead. 

3. Houston Astros

Yes, some of the ugliest uniforms in history were actually brought back as throwbacks. This comes from a time in sports history when folks were so glad to have color TV, they nearly killed the invention. 

The fact that this look is not the least bit slimming is added insult for Carlos Lee. 

2. Vancouver Canucks

General Zod learned how to play hockey. 

The 70s were a great time when any idea seemed plausible. Deep neck lines aren't just for South Beach. They had a place in hockey, it seems, from 1978-1984.

1. Chicago White Sox

Someone had the genius idea of putting ballplayers into shorts to make them look a lot more like Sunday Softball Guy. 

One thing you should never hear at a baseball game is, "Hey, Bucky Dent. Nice Gams."