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The Liver's NBA Playoff Picks: Eastern Conference
Adnan TezerApr 21, 2007
If you think the West's first round is going to be a bore, the East will leave you in a coma. Outside of Miami vs. Chicago and maybe Toronto vs. New Jersey, none of these series has any appeal whatsoever. The Liver cringes when he thinks of Kevin Harlan trying to spice these dogs up by calling everything "A SPECTACULAR PLAY!"
At least the Liver still has Hubie Brown's comforting voice to listen to. Hubie brings back good memories of the NBA on CBS back in the 80s, when he did play-by-play with Dick Stockton and Brent Musburger. Plus, the NBA on CBS intro music is the second best network sports intro music of all time...next to, of course, the NFL on FOX theme.
Yes, the Liver does have both scores on his iPod.
And by the way: If anyone thinks the Liver is too harsh on NBA officials, he'll be happy to provide a list of the top ten blown playoff calls that DIRECTLY impacted the outcomes of games.
Even as a fallen Knicks fan, the Liver can admit that the Hue Hollins foul call on Scottie Pippen in Game Five of the '94 Eastern Conference semifinals was a JOKE...just as he's sure you Bulls fans fondly recall MJ pushing off on Bryon Russell in Game Six of the 1998 Finals.
That's two right there—and the Liver will submit the ENTIRE FOURTH QUARTER of Game Six in the Lakers-Kings 2002 West Finals as further evidence.
Since the Liver is refraining from point spreads (extended Lent), these predictions are STRAIGHT UP. Only Don Imus, Tim Hardaway, Joey Crawford, Tony LaRussa, Pacman Jones, Chris Henry, Michael Ray Richardson, Paula Abdul, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Mel Gibson would be drunk enough to question the Esteemed Liver's picks.
(Team with home court are in italics, and division champions are marked with an asterisk.)
#1 *Detroit Pistons vs. #8 Orlando Magic
The Pistons are seasoned playoff vets. They should have no problem with this Orlando team—although it will be interesting to see what future superstar Dwight Howard can do in his first trip to the postseason. With all their playoff experience, I just can't see Detroit screwing around here.
#4 *Miami Heat vs. #5 Chicago Bulls
With Ben Wallace in the middle, the Bulls are better than they were in 2006—and will be gunning for payback against the team that eliminated them from last year's playoffs.
This series will ultimately hinge on Dwyane Wade's effectiveness after returning from a separated shoulder. If he can get to the basket, the Bulls will have their work cut out for them. On the other hand, if Chicago can keep Wade on the perimeter while limiting his free throw attempts (ask Dallas how easy that is), they can win.
The Bulls have the overall edge athletically; look for Ben Gordon to be a huge factor. So long as Chicago dictates the tempo, it's their series to lose.
Liver's Prediction: Bulls in 7
#3 *Toronto Raptors vs. #6 New Jersey Nets
Would you believe that outside of the Mavs, Spurs, and Suns, the TORONTO F***ING RAPTORS have the best record in the NBF***INGA since December?
The Raptors started the season 6-16 before finishing 41-19—and could be the sleeper team in the East this year. At the same time, their inexperience makes them ripe for an upset—but not against a team of quitters like the Nets.
Look for Vince Carter to be as popular in his return to Toronto as Terrell Owens was in his return to Filthy. With a no-heart Carter, a banged-up Richard Jefferson, and a past-his-prime Jason Kidd, I can't see New Jersey putting up much of a fight. Only in the East could these Nets make the playoffs.
And yes, go ahead and insert your Knicks jokes here—I've heard them all already.
And by the way: If anyone thinks the Liver is too harsh on NBA officials, he'll be happy to provide a list of the top ten blown playoff calls that DIRECTLY impacted the outcomes of games.
Even as a fallen Knicks fan, the Liver can admit that the Hue Hollins foul call on Scottie Pippen in Game Five of the '94 Eastern Conference semifinals was a JOKE...just as he's sure you Bulls fans fondly recall MJ pushing off on Bryon Russell in Game Six of the 1998 Finals.
That's two right there—and the Liver will submit the ENTIRE FOURTH QUARTER of Game Six in the Lakers-Kings 2002 West Finals as further evidence.
Since the Liver is refraining from point spreads (extended Lent), these predictions are STRAIGHT UP. Only Don Imus, Tim Hardaway, Joey Crawford, Tony LaRussa, Pacman Jones, Chris Henry, Michael Ray Richardson, Paula Abdul, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Mel Gibson would be drunk enough to question the Esteemed Liver's picks.
(Team with home court are in italics, and division champions are marked with an asterisk.)
#1 *Detroit Pistons vs. #8 Orlando Magic
The Pistons are seasoned playoff vets. They should have no problem with this Orlando team—although it will be interesting to see what future superstar Dwight Howard can do in his first trip to the postseason. With all their playoff experience, I just can't see Detroit screwing around here.
Liver's Prediction: Pistons in 4
#4 *Miami Heat vs. #5 Chicago Bulls
With Ben Wallace in the middle, the Bulls are better than they were in 2006—and will be gunning for payback against the team that eliminated them from last year's playoffs.
This series will ultimately hinge on Dwyane Wade's effectiveness after returning from a separated shoulder. If he can get to the basket, the Bulls will have their work cut out for them. On the other hand, if Chicago can keep Wade on the perimeter while limiting his free throw attempts (ask Dallas how easy that is), they can win.
The Bulls have the overall edge athletically; look for Ben Gordon to be a huge factor. So long as Chicago dictates the tempo, it's their series to lose.
Liver's Prediction: Bulls in 7
#3 *Toronto Raptors vs. #6 New Jersey Nets
Would you believe that outside of the Mavs, Spurs, and Suns, the TORONTO F***ING RAPTORS have the best record in the NBF***INGA since December?
The Raptors started the season 6-16 before finishing 41-19—and could be the sleeper team in the East this year. At the same time, their inexperience makes them ripe for an upset—but not against a team of quitters like the Nets.
Look for Vince Carter to be as popular in his return to Toronto as Terrell Owens was in his return to Filthy. With a no-heart Carter, a banged-up Richard Jefferson, and a past-his-prime Jason Kidd, I can't see New Jersey putting up much of a fight. Only in the East could these Nets make the playoffs.
And yes, go ahead and insert your Knicks jokes here—I've heard them all already.
Liver's Prediction: Toronto in 6
#2 Cleveland Cavaliers vs. #7 Washington Wizards
Come on, this is too easy. The Wizards are without Gilbert Arenas AND Caron Butler? In the words of the great Vincent Hanna: "Don't waste my motherf***ing time!"
If the Cavs lose ONE game in this series, they should be forced to ride to the stadium in a bus driven by Tony LaRussa while being berated by Alec Baldwin.
Liver's Prediction: Cavs in 4
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