With the new management team in place for the Chicago Cubs, I think it's time for a housecleaning of losing traditions from the past.
Dallas Green came up with the slogan "Building a New Tradition" when he took over as the GM of the team in the early '80s. It worked for awhile, but he was soon out the door when the Tribune Company decided they really didn't want to win after all if it was going to cost them money.
My suggestions won't cost anything, other than ridding the team of the bad karma from the past.
First to go has to be the song played after Cub wins by Steve Goodman called, "Go Cubs Go." It has to be one of the worst songs ever written. I'm not sure exactly when they first started playing it, but I know when it has to stop and that is now!
Isn't it ridiculous to stand around singing that awful song in September when the Cubs are 30 games under .500? Maybe they're actually saying please go Cubs, we're sick of how bad you are. They're both bad, but the team can stay. The Cubs have a chance to get better; the song won't.
"It's Gonna Happen." I can't tell you when, but really, it will. This stupid slogan and shirt came out during the surprise 2007 season when the Cubs suddenly caught fire and beloved Cubs utility-man Mark DeRosa noticed it in the stands.
He spoke about it to the media, and the next thing you know, it was everywhere. The funny thing is, the shirt was actually made hoping the Olympics would come to Chicago in 2016. That's what it was about. It had nothing to do with the Cubs, but the guy who made it saw an opportunity and ran with it to the bank.
It kept on not happening, but I kept seeing the shirt. I don't remember noticing it much the last two seasons. Maybe because it was obvious it wasn't going to happen, and, on a side note, Chicago didn't get the Olympics either, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it might show its ugly face again with the new regime in town.
Don't let it happen. Don't buy it. When you see the guy selling it, run—fast! Don't support another losing tradition.
I love Len Kasper and Bob Brenly who broadcast the Cubs games on TV, but I absolutely hate the seventh inning stretch guests.
They come to promote whatever they're promoting, ruin the song and then sit in the booth and talk to Kasper and Brenly about inane things while fans are trying to watch the game. It's an important time in the contest, and how can you concentrate when you're listening to them?
I don't care what they're talking about. Kasper and Brenly don't care what they're talking about. Does anybody care what they're talking about?
Do they even know where they're at? NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon thought he was at Wrigley Stadium. Ozzy Osbourne, formerly of Black Sabbath fame, didn't know the words or where he was. He probably thought he was having a flashback.
I know the girls volleyball team from some local school are cute, sweet girls, but do I want to hear what they have to say?
Instead of having every two-bit celebrity, and many that are not, sing "Take me out to the ballgame," how about a tape of Harry Caray singing it with a life-size cardboard cutout of him nearby? He's the one who made it famous at Wrigley.
The guests started coming after he went to the bleachers in the sky. Let's not desecrate his memory anymore with this garbage.
I think I'm done with what I want gone, but I want one other thing to stay—the troughs.
For those who don't know what they are or for the ladies reading this, they are long, extended places to relieve yourself after a hard day drinking beers at the ballpark.
They're great! You can always elbow your way in and find a spot without a wait. Those nice parks with the pretty urinals are useless. You can miss an inning going to the can waiting for some drunks to empty their pistols. That doesn't happen with the troughs. Long live the troughs.
If anyone reading this agrees with me, please let me know. If you think I missed anything, fill me in.
These ideas might not help the Cubs win the World Series, but they'll make me a lot happier.