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It has been an up and down week for Arsene Wenger hasn't it? The media have been at him. They have been giving him an awful time, splashing him all over the back pages and whinging that he is whinging...

Arsene Wenger Needs Jose Mourinho Back In England: And Quick!

by Maire Ofeire [HUMOR]

41

1081 reads

Humor

November 10, 2008


It has been an up and down week for Arsene Wenger hasn't it?

The media have been at him. They have been giving him an awful time, splashing him all over the back pages and whinging that he is whinging.

All this can stop with the return of one man, one very special man .... Jose Mourinho.

I can tell you all are starting to think I'm losing it but there is method to my madness. It all came to me last evening as I read a piece by our most humble of editors Alex Dimond.

He stated the following:

"Think outside the box.

Look for the topics that nobody else is covering.

Find your team, or the player, you want to write about—then pursue the most interesting angle you can find. If you believe in it, then why not present your case with conviction?

Lay out your argument, and back it up with evidence, interesting analysis, and (correct) facts. Give it an inviting title, and the readers will come flocking.

It doesn’t matter if you are right, it doesn’t matter if nobody agrees with you—if it sparks a debate then that will be the best thing for your reputation."

Well Alex, I believe in this, nobody else has covered it and it is so very obvious.

When pundits on the television or washed up footballers in our tabloids make a statement the whole world latches onto and devours it.

They said "Arsenal are in crisis" so Arsenal must be in crisis. They said "Arsene Wenger is a whinging old man", hence the Frenchman must be a whinging old man.

It was all over tv, all over the radio and newspapers and by hell did it make me angry.

The Arsene Wenger of today is no different to the Arsene Wenger of 13 years ago, albeit he now wears smaller glasses, so we know what to expect from him.

Arsene Wenger is French, the French whinge and moan. Put two and two together folks.

This seemed like some witch hunt and I hated it. It took me back to when he took over and started winning doubles. Oh how the British didn't like the French monsieur coming in with his radical new ideas and playing neat football with the most British of clubs.

But all that seemed to have quietened down in recent years. Wenger was pretty much off the back pages, only there when Arsenal won four and five to nil against some mid-table team. Then in the last year and a half it all took off again, all this hatred and last night it hit me why this was happening...

Jose Mourinho was gone.

Seriously, how many other managers made it onto the newspapers when Mourinho was around.

If we are all been honest only the "Top Four" get the time of day. Pulis is hanging on for dear life to the recent media coverage he is getting and now Paul Ince wants in on the action. As for the Hull manager...am...Pat?...Phil?...Tom?...whatever, who cares, their run is over, not newsworthy anymore.

So, look at the "Big Four" and we see that Wenger has no competition when it comes to the silly, controversial quotes league these managers have going on.

Let's investigate:

Sir Alex Ferguson

He doesn't like talking to the BBC or Sky or anyone that prints nasty things about him anymore. That's him out of the equation.

Rafa Benitez

The nicest manager in the Premiership but when he gives interviews he zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry I think I fell asleep but hearing Rafa's voice is zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I think you get the point.

Big Phil Scolari

Well he quite clearly is too busy booking hotels to talk to the media. That's him out of the equation.

Which leaves us with the moany Frenchman. Now all this would change should Mourinho return to England. Wenger could then get on with managing his team rather than worrying about the back pages of newspapers or the media hating him.

If Mourinho returns we would once again hear the likes of:

“We are on top at the moment but not because of the club’s financial power. We are in contention for a lot of trophies because of my hard work.”

“Everybody was waiting for Chelsea not to win every game and one day, when we lose, there will be a holiday in the country. But we are ready for that.”

“It is like having a blanket that is too small for the bed. You pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket because the supermarket is closed. But I am content because the blanket is cashmere. It is no ordinary blanket.”

“Ricardo Carvalho seems to have problems understanding things, maybe he should have an IQ test, or go to a mental hospital or something”

“Barcelona have a great club. But in 200 years of history they have won the European Cup only once. I have been managing for a few years and I have already won the same amount.”

“I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea.”

“My history as a manager cannot be compared with Frank Rijkaard’s history. He has zero trophies and I have a lot of them…”

“If I wanted to have an easy job… I would have stayed at Porto - beautiful blue chair, the Uefa Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me.”

“Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.”

“We have top players and, sorry if I’m arrogant, we have a top manager.”

 

So you see, with this guy around Wenger will never make it to the back page again, unless Mourinho says so.

Some may want him back because he is so humble, others may want him back for the exciting style of football his teams play but I want him to come back because he can never seem to keep his mouth shut!

Come back Jose, all is forgiven.

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41 comments Last one added 7 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. Shyam Parthasarathi 7 months ago

    Great article.. hilarious, I must admit.

    The amount of nonsense that has been written about Le Boss is certainly an irritation - and it does really seem to be an odd coincidence (or is it?) that all this stopped when Mourinho was in England.. maybe you are right.

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  2. Alex Dimond 7 months ago

    In the words of The Apprentice's Lee McQueen, "That's what I'm talking about!"

    Great stuff, and I really think that it is very true. Now that Scolari has stopped talking to the press for a while, I wonder what crazy stuff they will now write about Wenger and Arsenal?

    P.S. I like the idea of being an inspiration

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    • Maire Ofeire 7 months ago

      In the words of Barack Obama, can I find inspiration from Alex, "Yes, I Can".

      As I said to Shyam, a lot of truth is said in jest. Mourinho dominated the newspapers so they may leave poor old Arsene alone were he to come back.

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  3. Guido 7 months ago

    Quality stuff Maire. An original idea and well phrased.

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  4. Willie Gannon 7 months ago

    Good stuff Mary, and you make a very valid point about the media missing Jose.

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  5. Anthony Sanchez 7 months ago

    Say the devils name and he will appear! don't wish too hard Maire you might regret it if he does the business at Old Trafford!

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    • Maire Ofeire 7 months ago

      ha ha ha is it like the film the "Candyman" say his name three times into a mirror and he will appear?? LOL

      Would you United fans put up with his boring brand of football though?

      Thanks for the pick too :-)

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    • Anthony Sanchez 7 months ago

      I can't see him changing United's tactics i think he would have to change his a bit. Even if he didn't catching Liverpool's all time tally is the goal. I couldn't care less how its done!

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    • Maire Ofeire 7 months ago

      I think Sir Alex wants to do that before he goes

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  6. Jermaine Koko 7 months ago

    haha I was to write what Anthony above me wrote. Careful what you wish for, it might just come back and bite you in the arse!

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    • Maire Ofeire 7 months ago

      ha ha Oh Dear ... I'm starting to feel bad now as if I'm willing him back ha ha

      Agh he'll come and go again and Wenger will still be here (hopefully winning trophies) :-)

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  7. Nadeem Dean 7 months ago

    Ha ha ha!!!!!!!! I love this article and I love Jose Mourinho. Arrogance is a dividend, he made the investment and now he's getting the returns!! I wonder if Arsene Wenger read this article, he really should. I became a Chelsea fan when Jose came to manage them, I'm still a Chelsea fan and thank god they finally managed to replace Mourinho with Scolari!!!

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  8. Alden Sing 7 months ago

    This is a really good article Maire.

    I loved your reproduction of those famous Mourinho quotes. It certainly brought back memories!!

    Especially the one about Wenger being a voyeur. Incredible!

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    • Maire Ofeire 7 months ago

      ha ha cheers Alden.
      Yep the "voyeur" one must be the funniest I have ever heard. What makes it even funnier is that Mourinho now is always talking about Wenger.

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  9. Yoosof Farah 7 months ago

    great article mary. i really want mourinho to come back to the premiership, it's not the same without him!

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    • Maire Ofeire 7 months ago

      Yeah I'm saying that now but I think I may change my mind if he does come back... I guess it is a case of can't live with him, can't live without him!

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  10. Joe G 7 months ago

    Great read, Maire. Things just aren't the same without Mourinho calling Le Boss a voyeur.

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    • Maire Ofeire 7 months ago

      Yeah and Le Boss could say what he wanted and not get noticed because Mourinho would always say something crazier.... or remember the time he did the "sheesh" signal to the Liverpool crowd? He certainly left an impact

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  11. Marcus 7 months ago

    Marie, you made me laugh out loud. Cheers.

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  12. Michelle Alves 7 months ago

    Hahah Marie , you're getting to be one of my favourite writers.

    Brilliant article!

    cheers x

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  13. Michelle Alves 7 months ago

    Maire*

    typo :P

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  14. Callum D'Souza 7 months ago

    funny article enjoyed it
    nice to see you get community leader of Arsenal you are probaly the most deserving

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  15. Callum D'Souza 7 months ago

    funny article enjoyed it
    nice to see you get community leader of Arsenal you are probaly the most deserving

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  1. kenny smith 7 months ago

    i totally agree with your article.... bringing Jose back would deflect the attention but on the other hand i really really really really hate him! lol

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    • Maire Ofeire 7 months ago

      My predicament exactly... we need him to deflect attention away from our boss but I'm not so sure I could put on with him...but then he was funny LOL

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  2. Jordon Tefft 7 months ago

    I like people like Murinho. Makes you laugh, but he is being serious. bwuhahaha
    Wenger is whining and complaining a lot though... xP

    Nice article!!

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  3. Ram Mohan 7 months ago

    cool one...
    btw.. looking for a hilarious one from you on the state of arsenal after yesterdays drubbing of wigan...

    oh we are really in crisis?
    arent we?
    lol

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    • Maire Ofeire 7 months ago

      Cheers Ram,

      JUst logged in now and there is plenty written on last night's game but I think the best story is Wilshere not allowed the champagne because of his age LOL

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  4. Saraswathi Siriginia 7 months ago

    Great job as always Mary, and congrats on the C/L post for Arsenal, you do us Gunners proud lady :-)

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