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OK guys, quiet down, let's get started. I want to thank everyone for coming; we have a lot to cover. We must stop this madness of winning football games...

Vanderbilt: We Must Stop This Madness!

by David Yeazell [HUMOR]

16

788 reads

Humor

October 05, 2008


OK guys, quiet down, let's get started.

 

I want to thank everyone for coming; we have a lot to cover.

 

We must stop this madness of winning football games.

 

Has everyone forgotten that we are Vanderbilt, the smallest school in the SEC?

 

Our main focus is not athletics, it's education. We do not play football to upset our opponents. Our sole purpose is to ensure the other 11 teams have someone to win against every year.

 

Did you guys not get the memo at training camp?  SEC stands for “Schools Eating Commodores”, not the other way around.

 

Let me put things in perspective here.

 

Saturday we beat Auburn, a perennial powerhouse in the SEC. This team has an athletic budget that rivals a small city. We are a private school; our athletic budget is more like what each of you spend at the Laundromat every week.

 

We pride ourselves on being the only school to offer eyeglass maintenance courses for freshman students.

 

I know, we also beat the Gamecocks, on the road, but Carolina is where coaches go to retire, not play football.

 

The last time we were 5-0 there was a world war going on. Pennies were made of steel instead of copper. My God, Joe Paterno was still in high school!

 

This madness must come to an end.

 

We have back-to-back away games against Mississippi State and then Georgia. We are no match for the Bulldogs; those guys bench press Yugos before each game.

 

This would be the best time to stop all this madness and return to our normal losing ways. Our school is not equipped to handle all this success.

 

If it continues, the NCAA could easily re-align the conferences and replace us with Notre Dame. Do you guys want that on your conscience?

 

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16 comments Last one added 9 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. Mary Jo Buchanan 9 months ago

    David,
    LOVED this!! Puts it in perspective thinking about Papa Joe in high school........!!!
    Great read.
    Mary Jo

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  2. Yoosof Farah 9 months ago

    great article david.

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  3. 12 9 months ago

    Hilarious read David. I also loved the JoPa reference.

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  4. Kara Martin 9 months ago

    Way to bring the funny! This article is FANTASTIC! Excellent work!!!!

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  5. GeorgiaDawg 9 months ago

    Nice job David. Isn't VANDY being 5-0 and in the top 15 listed in the Bible as a sign of the final days?

    The Dores' shoulda beat the DAwgs last year..... the game scares me this year too.

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    • Derek Mahaffey 9 months ago

      Vandy being 5-0 is actually the 7th sign, so it should be happening any day now.

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    • David Yeazell 9 months ago

      The worst Vandy could be is 5-1 when they meet the new UGA. If they leave Georgia 6-1 or 7-0, global warming will no longer be a topic, because hell will be freezing over.
      Thanks for all the great comments from everyone. I really enjoyed writing this article.
      David

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  6. Gray Ghost 9 months ago

    David, thanks for posting me on this! Great read and brilliantly written! It was funny, and also a subtle reminder that Vandy is for real. Don't think we Dawg fans aren't nervously eyeing that game!
    *****POTD!

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  7. J. Michael Morris 9 months ago

    Creative and original, well done.

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  8. S M Napier 9 months ago

    Great Job on this David, gave you my POTD and liked the humor you added to it.

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  9. BabyTate 9 months ago

    Terrific article, interesting and right on the money.

    Thanks for the heads-up!

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  10. Thomas 9 months ago

    haha, great article. got my pick.

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  11. Isaac Luber 9 months ago

    Great article. Hilarious. Joe Pa hasn't been in High School for like...70 years. After the game, the Vandy fans and players didn't even know what to do. They're so used to losing, that when they won, they didn't know how to celebrate! They actually looked sort of confused...both the players and the fans! These guys are brain surgeons, lawyers, and dentists, not football fans and players.

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  12. Kevin Paul 9 months ago

    Enjoyed this read - POTD.
    You know, one sign on Gameday cracked me up... something along the lines of "you people are blocking the library"...

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  13. Jim Bob Kern 9 months ago

    Great stuff here David. I'm still on the floor with the "gold championship pocket protectors". I can almost picture the qb in the huddle with a slide rule also..

    Enjoy all the hype, it was earned the old fashoned way... On the field!!

    Go Vandy!

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  14. Anthony Elias 9 months ago

    Great!!!!! Loved it, and as a PSU fan, I appreciated the Joe Pa reference haha. Schools eating Commodores. hahahahahahhahahhahaha.

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