Let's get this straight people, I'm really trying hard to love tennis but I can't. I simply can't.
Everywhere I go talk about tennis, in the real as well as virtual world, the F-man pops into every conversation eventually. He's good, no doubt about it; maybe the best ever player or whatever.
Honestly, I like to watch him play but I'm kinda getting tired and irritated listening to people, reading articles and watching video specials on him before every tournament!
He has become more like Paris Hilton of tennis for sportswriters, who aren't tired of writing and speculating about him at the drop of the hat!
Look for genuine editorials in any media publication today and there's the F-man! Look at B/R tennis forum, for instance. It is swarming with articles on him [no disrespect meant to others, even I wrote one...but hey, let's save it for another day]!
People keep telling me tennis is more than F-man, I want to believe that...honest, I swear on F-man's brilliance...but all I hear is F-man this, F-man that, even while talking about other players! I'm not even gonna bother myself by naming him, everyone knows who the F-man is!
He's like corruption in India, omnipresent and omnipowerful, making his presence felt every time we think of tennis! It is almost as if the F-man has put a curse on tennis itself!
Thou shalt not talk of tennis without mentioning the F-man!
Now, just to prove that discussions on tennis without mentioning tennis' bogeyman aren't humanly possible, I start by assuming that such discussions are actually possible and began thinking of things related to tennis completely oblivious of him. It's logic theory-proof by contradiction!
It sounds weird to mix maths with tennis in journalism, but hey, I'm willing to take my chances.
The first such thought that comes to my mind is Maria Sharapova (super cute face, her grunting, those *censored thoughts* legs, not to forget her game, too).
It is actually a good topic to talk about as it is completely oblivious of my nemesis, though can't think of a way how he can make it into a conversation about women's tennis but again I'm not taking any chances.
Now, let's not try and discuss my thoughts on Maria Sharapova's legs or grunting and simply concentrate on her game.
For me, whenever Maria plays, it's like watching squash with Maria and an invisible wall at the net! Normally when we watch tennis, we tend to sway our heads to and fro from player to another but with Maria, my head gets locked to the side of court where she is.
The other player is inconspicuous, as she is out of my visual scope. It's just Maria running around in the half court and hitting or missing the balls.
Her dressing sense, off and on court, is impeccable. Honestly, I have never seen a lady so gorgeous fully dressed!
Clothes somehow look very odd on her as if she had suddenly grown an imperfection, just not to intimidate prospective suitors with her flawless beauty. I still believe it was her beauty which made that fashionably disastrous "swan" dress look delightful!
Her game...well, it's difficult to concentrate for me on technical details simultaneously while observing such a captivating and visually enthralling masterpiece. I guess its better to leave the finer nuances of her game to the better qualified persons to dissect her game play.
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