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Super Bowl XLV: I Only Watch For The Commercials

Stan SillimanCorrespondent IIJanuary 30, 2011

"I Only Watch the Super Bowl for the Commercials"      

A few days ago a person made the above statement to me.   

You’ll be proud of me. I shot back with “Well, I only read Playboy for the articles.” When I said “proud of me” I didn’t mean for lying, just for the quick retort.

Then she replied “I only watch soap operas for the fashion tips.”   

Then I said “I only eat steak to exercise my mandibles.” followed by “Touché” as I sat on my tush.

Okay. The touché part was in my head. Still, one can wish it came out audibly.

Then she said “I only like sex as a sleep inducement.”

To which I said “Honey, don’t you realize I’m writing all this down?”
Back to the Super Bowl/Commercials statement: A company called InsightExpress advertising itself as a professional research firm (as apposed to amateur research firms?) claims up to 50 percent watch the Super Bowl specifically for the commercials.

In a survey conducted in 2004, their research showed that 54 percent of all Americans planned to watch the Super Bowl, half of those for the ads, and 58 percent claiming they pay closer attention to the Super Bowl ads than other ads they see everyday.

So we get it. The over $ five million per minute spent on advertising will reach folks.

But here’s what I don’t get. Why subject yourself, and I’m not talking about anybody in particular even if she’s messing with her hair in the next chair, to a four hour game if you only want to see 20 to 30 minutes of unrepeated commercials?

If you’re all into seeing talking frogs and magic refrigerators and the priceless things MacGyver picks up at the local supermarket, you can do so without the three-and-a half hours of ballgame.

Don’t you know (again I’m not talking to any extremely beautiful and brilliant person in particular) that there are websites that gather, pod cast, stream and condense these commercials so you can watch them all at once?

And, get this, they would be at your loveliness’s convenience, as often as you wish, at no charge?

In fact, these websites, when they let you see these commercials, have other commercials surrounding the commercials so you not only see these in a condensed form you get to enjoy other ads while watching ads.

I can’t speak for every one of you, but if my sole reason for watching the Super Bowls were the high powered expensive ads, and if I had a chance to watch these ads surrounded by other ads in a streamlined, convenient manner, I’d be smashing my forehead with the can of a well-advertised beer for having sat through three-and-a-half hours of ballgame and wardrobe malfunctions.

Do you want the sites, you lovely, brilliant ones with little time for actual game? Google Video is thinking of you. They condensed it into twenty minutes.

DevLib has created a streaming video. Youtube will have the commercials and some of them are on before the Super Bowl. 

You can see the famous tease commercials, on youtube, where you're tantalized with the possibility of seeing high degrees of Danika Patrick and Jillian Michaels nakedness in a racy commercial.

I think they call it "The Contract" by GoDaddy. Who signs up on GoDaddy anyway—teenage boys?

You can catch glimpses of the new Volkswagen Passat Super Bowl commercial where a spokesman is a midget Darth Vader.

I haven't heard it because I don't wish to hear Darth Vader with a munchkin voice. I've got a James Earl Jones image to maintain.

I give her all this advance information and this is where my wife says...

“You don’t get it, Stan. Yes, I’m not so interested in the game but I still want to watch the commercials in the company of others. I want to hear the collective comments. I want to enjoy the punch lines as part of a group dynamic.”

To which I got up off my tush and started to say “touché” but then I realized there was nothing for me to touché to.

Darn. Fine ending you left me with, dear.

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