2011 BCS National Champions: Why I Love the Auburn Tigers—Satire

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2011 BCS National Champions: Why I Love the Auburn Tigers—Satire
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Satire (n) 1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

Recently I wrote an article about how Auburn was making a mockery of college football, which you can read here.

But after reading the comments from Auburn fans, I will now admit that I was wrong, and I wasn't even close to being right.

I was the idiot, I was the moron and I was the spoiled little snot rag.

I now have a deep affection and love for Auburn University, their football program and their fans.

I. Love. Auburn.

Because to them, only a couple things matter. The only things that matter are family and winning. Things that will get you far in life.

Honesty, integrity, respect, credibility—those are things that can be put on the back burner of their double-wide trailer.

What do I love about Auburn?

I love Cam Newton.

I love the fact that they tee-pee trees after winning a football game.

I love the fact that they think Nick Fairley is just a football player and unblockable.

I love the fact that they defend Cecil Newton, even though he is the main reason why Auburn has a tainted title.

I love Cammy Cam juice.

I love that I made a mockery of myself in the previous article.

I love that there is a mascot for every season of the year.

I love the fact that Auburn doesn't take personal accountability into account.

I love seeing Gene Chizik avoid questions about players eligibility.

I love the fact that I used no facts in my previous article.

I love seeing Nick Fairley spear the opposing teams QB in the back three seconds after he releases the ball.

I love seeing comments from Auburn fans with "knew" instead of "new" and "sense" instead of "since."

I love the fact that Auburn has three mascots.

Do you love Auburn as much as I love Auburn?

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I love seeing comments from Auburn fans that are four to five lines long with no punctuation marks at all.

I love seeing Cam Newton smile at the end of games.

I love the educated comments by their players at the conclusion of the game.

I love the great football tradition that the Auburn Tigers have.

I love the fact that Auburn has three mascots.

I love the fact that most Auburn fans think "War Eagle" is a mascot.

I love seeing Cam Newton play dead at the end of games.

I love the fact that Auburn is ranked No. 1 on the football field, but 85th in the classroom.

I love there being so many things to do in Auburn, Ala.

I love buying a stolen laptop and throwing it out of my dorm room window because the cops came.

I love seeing Auburn's star player dress up like a tooth fairy.

I love the great Board of Trustees members Auburn has in Bobby Lowder and Milton McGregor.

I love the fact that Auburn doesn't care about the 75 percent of people that think their title is tainted.

I love the fact that I love Auburn.

I am "All In" along with the Auburn family.

I just love Auburn University—plain and simple.

 

I also have a deep affection for other SEC schools, click on the team name for why I love them:

Alabama Crimson Tide, Georgia Bulldogs

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