Rafael Nadal Effect: Bolshoi the Boxer Yearns for Armani (Satire)

My dog, Bolshoi the Boxer, was saying, "I hear that Rafael Nadal is going to strip for Armani underwear."

I replied, “Hmm. Is that so?”

“Yes,” he replied. “I want you to write a letter to the various underclothes manufacturers in India that I am available to model their brands.”

“I think I would cut a fine figure for VIP. VIP stands for Very Important Person and that I am,” he continued.

“Or I could shoot for Roopa. I am in excellent shape. It would make for a snug fit.”

“Better still, there’s Hanes or Jockey.”

“I don’t think that they would want an old dog like you to try out their lingerie. The clothing companies prefer film stars endorsing their products.” I look up from the newspaper.

“Rafael Nadal and I have very similar qualities. We’re both bulldog-like, he’s tenacious and I’m a pit bull.”

“He will keep fighting until the other player runs out of steam and I will keep barking until you write those letters.”

“You’re not a tennis player. You don’t even have the slightest interest in exercise.”

“So what? I can always learn to hold a racquet. Besides, Nadal is not going to play tennis in his undies, is he?”

“I don’t think so. I believe he’s trying to become a sophisticate, much like Roger Federer.”

“Perhaps, he ought to take tips from Mohammad Azharuddin. See where his Armani suits landed him. Out of his first wife’s arms into the lap of Sangeeta Bijlani and now, he’s got Jwala Gutta, the doubles badminton player, making goo-goo eyes at him.”

“Bolshoi, no lady dog cares whether you are wearing under-garments or not.”

“That’s what you think. Why do you suppose folks show off their Calvin Klein labels over their trousers? You are so un-fashion conscious. Write a letter to CK as well.”

Bolshoi stalks out. I hurriedly type out the missives. I prefer that my undies be mine alone.

(Bolshoi the Boxer is a character popularized by the late Busybee, the Indian Art Buchwald.)

Quote of the day: "I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception."—Groucho Marx