The level of play is dramatically increased, the stakes have never been higher. Everything is on the line, but you're not there. Why not? Because you're nursing an injury while getting paid millions of dollars to sit out.
Whether it be a freak accident off the field/court/ice, or just an injury not worthy of attention, these athletes make the list for making the news in all the wrong ways.
There are few things more frustrating in the realm of electronics than the stupid static-cling plastic on DVDs, Blu-Rays, and CDs, with one exception: Missing a game because you hurt yourself trying to take off the cellophane.
That's exactly what San Diego Padres pitcher Adam Eaton did in 2001, and he was forced to sit out his scheduled start against the Houston Astros.
Eaton took a paring knife to the DVD, but the knife slipped off and went into his stomach. As a precaution, he went to the hospital and was told to sit out a game to avoid tearing his stomach open.
Check out the hilarious video parody and learn some German while you're at it! (At least it sounds like German.)
If players are looking for new ways to celebrate touchdowns without being fined, maybe they should keep looking...
In 1997, Redskins QB Gus Frerotte couldn't contain his excitement after a touchdown. He raced to the back of the end zone and proceeded to head butt a retaining wall in front of the end zone stands.
One problem: Directly behind the 1/2 inch thick green padding is a cement wall. Frerotte would have to sit out the remainder of the game with neck pains rivaling whiplash from a 30 mph vehicular rear impact. Maybe that's why only 50% of football is physical, and an even smaller percentage mental.
John Smoltz's ability to adapt to any situation in a pinch has made him a highly respected pitcher in his generation. Add his ability to roll with the punches of the media, and we have a folklore hero.
There are many versions of this story, and recently Smoltz did a guest spot on ESPN to clarify what actually happened.
The original story goes something like this: Smoltz was late for an interview and wanted to wear a wrinkled shirt. Without time to take the shirt off, he ironed it while wearing it, burning himself badly on the chest.
Smoltz's explanation: The shirt was actually steam cleaned, and without time to wait for it to cool, he put it on and burned himself while the shirt was still moist with piping hot steam.
Either way, the story made it to the headlines, and the legend began.
Much respect is given to a man who gets hit in the twig and berries during a game and refrains from falling on his knees, crying and vomiting until he blacks out.
However, when the blow is self inflicted, it is difficult to avoid being called a moron. To quote Danny Gallagher from cracked.com, "Griffey is a Hall of Famer when it comes to pussified injuries. He fell into a big slump starting in the 2000 season thanks to a list of bizarre injuries that would make the mother of a redneck backyard wrestler feel grateful."
Griffey Jr. has also broken his hand playing with his son. Ken is a sure-fire Hall of Famer, and deserves respect for his "clean" play, but maybe he would have found his name in the record books, instead of Barry Bonds, if he had been bubble-wrapped off the field.
Thanks for the assist, Danny.
Boggs has cemented himself in MLB history as one of the most prolific hitters the game has ever seen.
The only things that could top his legacy on the field? His beer drinking and boot-slipping. Legend has it Boggs drank 64 beers on a cross-country flight, and missed seven games at one point after he injured his back slipping on a pair of cowboy boots.
Vince Coleman is a base-stealing legend. His speed was unrivaled in its day, but not even Coleman could escape the menacing TARP MACHINE, destroying everything in its path.
Coleman was forced to sit out the 1985 World Series after he collided with the machine that rolls out the tarp in a rain delay. Getting taken out by an inanimate object will land you on a list like this every time.
Kellen Winslow Jr. is no stranger to making media headlines. In 2005, he hit the wires again after it was discovered he would have to miss the entire season after hurting himself in a motorcycle accident. Hey, Kellen: Maybe take a taxi to the game next time.
Jeff Kent would miss the beginning of the 2002 season after explaining he broke a bone in his hand while falling off his truck. Kent claimed he was washing his truck at a self-washing station when he slipped off and used his arm to break his fall.
Reports surfaced claiming he actually sustained the injury while doing tricks on his motorcycle. Kent denied the claims, likely because it would violate terms of his contract. Either way, a dumb move and a silly injury.
Roger Craig was once spotted in the dugout in the early '90's with a large bandage on his hand. When asked about the injury, Craig made no attempt at covering it up with a clever story, and why would he?
Craig admitted he cut his hand on a stray bra strap wire. Props to Craig though, he didn't miss any game time.
in 2004, Sammy Sosa missed several games with a back strain. It was revealed the injury occurred as a result of a violent sneeze. Certainly the steroid discussions will heat up with this one, discussing how even a sneeze can have devastating effects when a player uses steroids.
Kazuhiro Sasaki missed a road trip with the Seattle Mariners in 2003 after stumbling over his luggage and bruising his ribs. The Japanese closer was able to laugh about the ordeal and take it all in stride.
The injury was so hilarious, it actually got him a deal with a luggage company:
In 2002, Spanish goalie Santiago Canizares made headlines for his freak foot injury. CNN broke the story, reporting the goalie would have to miss the World Cup after a shard of glass from his aftershave/cologne bottle landed on his foot and cut a ligament.
Have no fear, ladies, he probably smells fantastic!
From 1999-2000, Moises Alou was a one-man self-wrecking crew. He suffered a severe knee injury falling off a treadmill in 1999 and missed a large portion in the season. Upon returning for the 2000 season, Alou re-aggravated the injury while running over his son on a bicycle.
Alou is one of the most tough-playing athletes in all of sports, and it's surprising the worst injuries of his career happened OFF the field.
Marty Cordova ACTUALLY went on the 15-day Disabled List for falling asleep in a tanning booth in May 2002. Jim Rome comically commented on the incident, saying his orange skin was a true testament to his team spirit.
Seaman was minding his own business, watching a little TV, when he reached for the remote control and lost his balance. This hand took his full weight awkwardly, and it resulted in a broken bone, prompting the questions:
How in the world do you move quickly enough toward your remote to generate that type of force? Why not just lie about how it happened? Why not be more careful since a goalie is powerless without his/her hands? Ridiculous.
Following the 1996 season, then-Rockies right fielder Larry Walker separated his shoulder while fishing in Canada. He would miss spring training and some of the 1997 season.
While with the Toronto Blue Jays, Glenallen Hill had a nightmare about being attacked by monster spiders. He fell out of bed with enough force to fall through a glass table, suffering cuts all over his body. Hill missed several games while his wounds healed.
In 2002, reports surfaced revealing the true nature of a concussion QB Brian Griese sustained while a member of the Denver Broncos. He had slipped and fallen on teammate Terrell Davis's driveway, knocking him unconscious. Griese received several stitches on his forehand and repairs for a chipped tooth.
"Lionel Simmons was a rookie starring for the Sacramento Kings in February 1991 when he developed tendinitis in his right wrist and forearm. The injury was caused by Simmons playing his Nintendo GameBoy, and he missed two games."
Read more: Stupid jock tricks: A history of injuries - The Denver Posthttp://www.denverpost.com/sports/ci_11188169#ixzz114lxdX4S
While a back-up goalie for the Toronto Maple Leafs, Glenn Healy severely cut his hand while cleaning his bagpipes, a hobby he had picked up while waiting to see game time as a perennial back-up.
While posing for an All-Star photo in 1996, Cal Ripken Jr. was struck in the nose by Chicago White Sox closer Roberto Hernandez inadvertently, as Hernandez stepped awkwardly off the photo platform. Weird, but definitely not wussy, Ripken continued his record streak despite the broken nose.
NOTE: Photo is not of Godwin Turk
In his short term as a Denver Broncos linebacker, Godwin Turk once recovered a fumble, then dislocated his shoulder while trying to spike the ball.
"In 1940, Washington Redskins tackle and NFL Hall of Famer Turk Edwards was so excited to tell his coach that they had won the coin toss that he pivoted wildly and blew out his knee. He never played another game in the NFL."
Famous for this catch and a stellar Major League Baseball career, Kevin Mitchell has earned his place in sports history. However, he has also made headlines for the bizarre.
On two separate occasions, Mitchell has missed game time for incredibly dumb and strange injuries. Mitchell once strained his back while vomiting. More notably, Mitchell has been cited by multiple sources for chipping his tooth on a frozen donut he nuked in the microwave for too long.
This double-dip earns Kevin Mitchell the No. 2 spot on the countdown.
What could be more bizarre than a pro kicker celebrating a 43-yard field goal in the first quarter of a scoreless regular season game? How about celebrating it so hard he tears his ACL and misses the remainder of the season?
That's exactly what Bill Gramatica did for the Arizona Cardinals in 2001. Listen to the commentators discuss the technicalities of the injury as if it wasn't the dumbest thing they've ever seen!