Humor: The Top 10 Mustaches in Sports Today
They say you can measure a man's worth by how he treats others, his contributions to society, and his work ethic. But I say, TO HELL WITH THAT! None of that matters. It is strictly how cool or manly your mustache is that makes you a better man.
Now I don't really believe that, but mustaches are pretty sweet. No matter what color, shape, or size, each mustache has a personality of it's own and you can tell a lot about a man by the style of 'stache on his face.
There are many cool mustaches out there, but lately the lip hair has become less and less prevalent amongst adult males, so it is our job to bring the mustache back to glory.
Here are 10 athletes who brilliantly display why a simple strip of hair on their upper lips have made them a true man's man in not only sports, but the world today.
10. Adam Morrison
We kickoff the countdown with a man whose mustache is maybe more known for its ugliness than its beauty.
Adam Morrison has sported the look since college, and although it has grown in a lot more since the Gonzaga days, it still looks a bit awkward at times. Morrison's mustache has probably seen more air time than he has, considering he has struggled to get on the court since being drafted in the 2006-2007 season.
He makes the Top 10 out of pure effort and definitely not out of quality. I'm sure this will be a look that Adam laughs about when he looks at old photo albums in his retirement home years from now.
9. Willie Randolph
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Oh Willie Randolph, you may not be the best manager in the world, but you can pull off a mustache, that's for sure.
Willie has sported this baby since his playing days. It was a little darker and thinner than it is today, but it still has the same effect, and although he was partially the reason why my Mets are in such shambles right now, I hold no grudges.
Willie played for six different MLB teams, predominantly with the Yankees, recording 2,210 hits, 54 home runs, 687 RBIs, 271 stolen bases, while hitting .276 over the course of his career.
Although he may have been the start of the Mets downfall, the man could play, and the mustache was there with him, through the best and worst of times.
8. Mike Holmgren
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Here's a man who has a nose for football. And right under that nose is truly a sight to see, the secret eighth wonder of the world.
Mike Holmgren has been around for a while now, he has had multiple jobs in the NFL, working as the QB coach under Bill Walsh in San Fransisco, later taking the offensive coordinator job when George Seifert took over.
Later, he went on to Coach the Packers and the Seahawks, winning a Super Bowl with Green Bay and taking Seattle to another. He currently is the President of the Cleveland Browns, and the team is making great strides with him at the helm.
Holmgren's mustache isn't flashy, but he looks like a goddamn man with it, and I'm sure if you ask him what he attributes most to his success in the NFL, he would say his trusty 'stache. The blond mustache is a very bold move, but it still only has him at eight on the list.
7. Keith Hernandez
I almost forgot about this one, and it would have been a travesty if I had. Keith Hernandez's mustache has been one of the most talked about mustaches in not just sports, but the world as a whole.
There have been jokes and spoofs about this mustache for years, but Keith is a great sport—no pun intended—and he embraces his mustache as any self-respecting man should.
Keith played for the Cardinals, Mets, and Indians, finishing with 162 home runs, 1,071 RBI, and a career average of .296. He won a world series with the Mets in 1986 and is currently a play-by-play commentator for the SNY, the Mets local television network.
I would put Keith higher up the list, but the 'stache has been losing some color over the years, and that definitely hurts his cause.
6. Clarence "Cito" Gaston
Marc Serota/Getty Images
Cito's mustache was all the rage yesterday, as players sported their own fake renditions to commemorate Gaston during his last home game as Blue Jays manager.
A stoic man normally, Gaston's "orange peel shaped" mustache has been his staple look since anyone can remember, and while he was being remembered before the game, he even shed a single tear, a sign that even the most manly of men can grow emotional at times.
He played 10 years in the league, making an all-star appearance in 1970, but he is more well known for his time managing the Toronto Blue Jays, as he won two straight World Series Championships in 1992 and 1993. He stopped managing Toronto in 1997, but made a comeback in 2008, for one last 'hoorah'.
His kind smile was only complemented by that jet black mustache, and he will forever be remembered in that light. He probably attracted plenty of females combing that baby in public, too.
5. Marcus Camby
Stephen Dunn/Getty Images
Marcus Camby has a mustache that most people can't pull off. Its one of those real thin guys that is split into two equal halves, with a small space in the middle sort of resembling Moses parting the red sea.
It is a much more modern style of stache and he wears it well. He is a fierce shot blocker, and rumor has it that every time he sends a shot back, you can hear his 'stache whisper "not in my house".
Over Camby's career, he has played with the Raptors, Knicks, Nuggets, Clippers, and Trail Blazers, winning the Defensive Player of the Year award in 2006-'07, making the All-Defensive First Team twice, and the second team twice as well.
Camby's career has been pretty up and down, but one thing that remains consistent is that "split finger" mustache (and those awkwardly small ears, if I must say).
4. Andy Reid
Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images
As Andy Reid gets older, his hair gets a little whiter, his gut a little bigger—but that bushy thing that resembles a fox tail on his face stays as auburn as the sky at dusk.
Alright, maybe thats an exaggeration, because even the mustache has lost a little luster and has some whites poking out. But give the man some credit, he has had to deal with a lot in his life, including making four consecutive NFC Championships and have nothing to show for it, having some issues with his children, and having to battle the Philadelphia media and fans every single day.
What has kept Andy sane through all of this, is that he can wake up every morning, read the newspaper, drink a coffee, and comb his mustache. His wife has even complained about him telling it bedtime stories on occasion to make sure it gets some rest before a big game.
Reid worked as an assistant in Green Bay, and was the QB coach for Brett Favre until he was hired by Philadelphia to be the Head Coach there. He won AP Coach of the Year in 2002 and has a combined record (regular season and playoffs) of 118-75-1. He led Philly to five total NFC championships, winning one in 2004.
The mustache Reid has sported has given him as many fans in Philly as his wins have. And I don't know about you , but I feel like Andy Reid must get a lot of food caught in that thing, especially when he doesn't groom it for a couple of days.
3. Stan Van Gundy
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Everytime I look at Stan Van Gundy, I smile. I smile because he seems like a man who was destined to have a mustache from the day he was born. I would love to see pictures of Stan as a child because I guarantee he was one of those kids who could grow facial hair before everyone else.
Stan began his NBA coaching career with the Heat as an assistant under Pat Riley in 1995. He took over the Head Coach spot for in 2003 and coached them until 2005, when Riley decided that he wanted to coach—more or less because the heat were relevant again—and Van Gundy resigned from his role.
He was hired by the Magic to be the Head Coach in 2007 and since then, Stan and his mustache (Stan Jr.), have lead Orlando to the playoffs each season, including making the NBA Finals in 2008, losing to the Lakers 4-1 in the series.
Stan Van Gundy is a man who would just look naked without his mustache, and his big personality and wacky enthusiasm just add to the life of Stan Jr.
2. Clay Zavada
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Clay Zavada is a young man who burst onto the scene as a rookie in 2009. His vintage handlebar mustache was all the rage in Arizona, as he was very successful in his rookie season.
He finished 2009 with a record of 3-3 and a solid ERA of 3.35. Considering he didn't make the team this year, and he struggled in Double-A before getting Tommy John surgery ending his season—his Wyatt Earp style mustache will be remembered forever, and it is definitely one of the most unique and talked about mustaches in sports history.
He worked the goatee into the mix sometimes to complement the mustache, but I think when the handlebar is alone, and has the perfect curl in it, there is nothing that screams "man" more than the perfect handlebar. Just watch the movie Tombstone and tell me if you think any different.
1. Sal Fasano
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Now, for the granddaddy of all mustaches, the Upper Lip Phenom, Sal Fasano!!! Fasano is the kind of guy that if you walked passed him on the street, you would of course notice the Fu Manchu mustache covering half of his face, but you would NEVER, in a million years, think, "Hey, that's a ball player right there!"
Fasano is a normal looking Italian guy who took frequent trips back and forth between the MLB and the minors. He is known around the league as a class act and a great baseball mind.
He never won any awards for his playing on the field, but if there was a "Best Facial Hair", Sal's horseshoe mustache would take the cake.
Number one on my list, and number one in my heart, Sal Fasano's mustache takes the top spot. Anyone who doesn't agree with me—take a cardboard cut out of Sal's Mustache and just tape it to your lip. If you don't feel more like a man after that, then I don't know what to tell you.
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If this guy played a sport, he would top this list without a doubt.
Phil Lombardo is a Bleacher Report writing intern and a senior journalism/mass communications major at St. Bonaventure University.
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