Nicknames Abound in WPBA

“We’re heading out to see the Striking Viking, the Texas Tornado, and the Black Widow,” I tell the Dear Wife.

To which the Dear Wife says, “Whatttt???”

“We’re going to the US Open, a Women’s Professional Billiards Association event.”

To which the Dear Wife says, “Whatttt???”

I’m hoping to interview pro women pool players and am bringing along the Dear Wife. I told DW most women pro pool players have nicknames, but forgot to tell her that some of the best looking women on the planet are professional pool players. Yeah, one forgotten detail: these ladies are not only ball breakers, but lovely ones at that. 

In fact, when my wife met Swedish star player, trick shot champion, and broadcaster Ewa Mataya Laurance (the Striking Viking ) she said to her, “I can see where being tall can help on reaching your shots but is it required to be this beautiful to play pool?”

I’m sure my wife was expecting an, “Oh no dear, anyone can play, even …” but the Viking, being used to this question, came back with, “We’re lucky we have a lot of beautiful women playing the game because we’re on TV a lot and we make a lot of appearances so obviously, it’s in your best interest ...”

Especially, when playing men for money, it doesn’t hurt to be disarmingly attractive. Ewa said it helped to supplement incomes when tour purses were low, to just go out and gamble against egotistical men.

I don’t think we have to tell you, in those types of matches, who had the best concentration.

The beautiful ladies have very accurate nicknames, but in a few instances their nicknames don’t fit. In those cases we’ll try to help. The Duchess of Doom ? That’s the nickname for world champion Allison Fisher from Chestnut , England . She doesn’t look doomlike at all. If they wish to emphasize royalty, make her the Duchess of Desire, or Lady Luscious, or how about Queen Beautifah .

Little Devil Girl ? That’s Ga Young Kim from Seoul , Korea, who made the semi-finals of the US Open. Was Little Angel Girl already taken?

Anna Kostanian from Armenia is called the Piranha for being a “small fish with a big bite.” Last time we looked, piranhas are homely fish with crooked teeth. Anna deserves a nicer nickname. How about using arresting in the impressive sense and call her the Arresting Armenian.

Jennifer Chen is China Doll . Miyuki Sakai is Lady Samurai . We’ll agree with the last two.

Jennifer Barretta, a New Yorker who was a tennis player and fitness competitor before turning pro, has the nickname 9mm Barretta. We’ve seen her millimeters and nine doesn’t do her justice. But we’ve also seen films of her in fitness competitions and if she wants to keep that nickname she’ll get no fight from me.

Which reminds me, I once tried to buy a used car called a Barretta, but when I opened up the trunk Robert Blake was still in it. Not really relevant except that if you’re ever on trial for murder and you want the prosecutor to completely forget his case, just have Jennifer Barretta walk into the courtroom. While you’re at it, have her challenge the judge to a game of nine ball.