The Rough Guide to College Football conversation

When you're meeting these fans of these schools, be sure to mention certain things. And for God's sake avoid other topics.

This isn't the fool's guide to avoiding a beating/making new friends/picking up football-loving chicks, but it'll help.

And by the way, if you're thinking of visiting other schools, then don't worry - another list is coming soon!

Florida

Mention: The “Swamp”, and the fact that teams fear playing there. Wax lyrical about a National Title in 2007, Steve Spurrier, and the fact that Peyton Manning just couldn’t beat you.

Don’t mention: Ron Zook. The Bowl loss to Michigan, or Wes Bynum’s celebration – or Georgia’s for that matter – against you last year.

Georgia

Mention: Herschel Walker, the trashing of the Gators at the Cocktail Party last year, and Athens' hopes of going all the way in 2008.

Don’t mention: The Dogs' last two dates with Tennessee, who have beaten them by nearly a total of 40 in their last two games.

Ohio State

Mention: The 2003 National Championship Season, the fact that you’ve won two straight Big Ten titles and Woody Hayes.

Don’t mention: The last two National Championship games, or Woody Hayes’ exit from the Ohio State coaching staff.

USC


Mention: Pete Carroll, Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, and how many NFLers the Trojans will have playing in future years.

Don’t mention: Huge upset losses to Oregon State and Stanford in recent years. Or the fact that Matt Leinart took ballroom dancing lessons for the 2005 season and still didn’t come home with the crystal trophy in 2006.

Michigan

Mention: Bo Schembechler, Charles Woodson, and having the biggest stadium in all of college football is good.

Don’t mention: Appalachian State. Or Ohio State, for that matter.


Penn State

Mention: Joe Paterno, ‘White Outs’ and the Big Ten/Orange Bowl season of 2005 is worth shouting about

Don’t mention: Zach Mills, the side’s record from 2000 – 2004, and any games against Michigan.

Alabama

Mention: Bear Bryant, and the future under Nick Saban.

Don’t mention: College football recruiting scandals and six straight losses to Auburn – they’ll just wind Crimson Tide fans up!

Auburn

Mention: The six straight wins over Alabama, and the fact that they should have had a National Title in 2004. Oh, and Bo Jackson wouldn't be too bad either.

Don’t Mention: Last year’s schellacking against Georgia. It still stings.

Notre Dame.

Mention: Touchdown Jesus, Rudy, Knute Rockne, and NBC contracts.

Don’t Mention: The Irish’s terrible bowl record, the 2007 season (which included Navy breaking its 43 year hold on them), or six straight losses to USC. 

Arizona State

Mention: Jake Plummer, JR Redmond and the fact that ASU has got the hottest girls in all of college football.

Don’t Mention: ASU’s consistent perma-failure to meet expectations - or even beat them.

Florida State

Mention: The 1990s.

Don’t mention: The 2000s, missed field goals, or academics.

Nebraska

Mention: The truly glorious years under Tom Osbourne which made Nebraska a college football superpower

Don’t mention: The truly crappy years under Bill Callahan that turned Nebraska into a school that no-one outside the state of Nebraska cares about.