Raiders Owner Al Davis Lookout: Day One and Day Two of the Combine (Satire)

This is what Al Davis had to say after watching the combine:

"Thank you for the press conference. The only players that I'm considering drafting with the 8th pick is Trent Williams, Bruce Campbell, CJ Spiller, Jacoby Ford, Jahvid Best and did I say Bruce Campbell? Being born in the '90s, I lose track. Now to questions.

Reporter: First off, Al, you're drooling, so I'd suggest a tissue! (A couple seconds later). Al, I noticed that all of the players you mentioned ran top-five 40 times for their positions. Is that how you grade players?

AD: Not really. I don't even think about it when I'm in the War room. (drooling again)

Reporter: Al, over here. So what—

AD: Can someone get him a microphone!

Reporter: So what do you think about Dexter McCluster? He ran a 40 in the mid 4.5s. What do you think about him now?

AD: Who is he? Did he run a 4.4? 

Reporter: Uhh, no sir. I just said he ran a 4.5 forty.

AD: Well, then. I won't bother myself with knowing his name. Next question.

Reporter: Bruce Campbell came in as the consensus number five rated tackle. Where do you rank him now?

AD: No. 1 overall player. Anybody that runs that fast and is that big...Whoops my fly is open. Wow! Next question.

Reporter: Who helped their stock the most this weekend?

AD: It's the weekend? Hmm, well, I'd have to say Dorin Dickerson. What a-(cough)I mean what a player. How many tight ends run a 4.4 40? I mean wow! Anyway, next question.

Reporter: Who do you think is the player that hurt his stock the most?

AD: Dez Bryant. I was really disappointed with his workouts.

Reporter: Umm. He's injured at the moment, sir.

AD: Exactly. He should of sucked it up and performed. Okay, well I'm getting tired. Thanks for this mini press conference guys.

And that is the end of the mini press conference.