Thanks to the Internet there is no longer an off-season in college football (or any sport for that matter).
Between National Signing Day, spring practices, summer workouts and the season itself, you will always be able to talk about your school on your favorite blog or message board.
While endless football talk sounds great on the surface, there’s still the tedium of having to deal with people who annoy you; even though you’re not physically dealing with them.
Being the smartest member of your fan base is a blessing and curse, isn’t it?
Some of these people are less bearable than others, here are the five most annoying people on you’re college football message board. If you have any others or disagree with my rankings, please let me know.
5. Unrealistic Expectations Guy
Every year its national championship or bust for this guy. Who cares if your team hasn’t won a national championship since integration, plastic helmets and the forward pass; your school has no excuses not to be in the title game every year.
Of course this guy doesn’t understand that your team doesn’t play in the SEC, isn’t a big draw for recruits from Florida, and doesn’t have nearly as rabid a fanbase as schools like Texas or Notre Dame.
This guy comes in at No. 5 because he at least cares and doesn’t have his own agenda. You just end up feeling bad for this guy when he can’t be happy after your team wins 10 games and exceeds expectations.
4. Fire the Coach Guy
This guy hated the hire your school made from day one and is too stubborn to give credit when its due. It’s almost as if he’s secretly rooting against your team so he’ll have a stronger basis for his argument.
Fire the Coach Guy’s annoyance ramps up to the next level when he suggests replacements for your coach who is still in term. His suggestions will fall into one of two categories:
(1) Unrealistic choices who would never in a million years take the job at your school, when informed that unrealistic candidate x would never coach at your school, Fire the Coach Guy goes on a rant about how your school’s administration is unwilling to “step up to the plate."
(2) Candidates who in no way, shape, or form would make a better coach than your current coach. The fact that Fire the Coach Guy would suggest awful coach x would be better than your current coach makes you want to throw your fist through the computer monitor in an effort to punch Fire the Coach Guy in the face.
3. Captain Illiterate
This guy’s posts are chock full of typos, grammatical errors, and spelling errors. You’re not sure if his points are legitimate or not because you can’t get over the fact that he keeps talking about your match-up with UMS when your team is about to face MSU.
The reason Captain Illiterate ranks ahead of Fire the Coach Guy is because this guy represents your school's students and alumni, and if a fan of your rival stumbles upon his posts, then you have a whole lot of "safe school" jokes coming your way.
His illiteracy puts the academic reputation of your school in danger.
2. Fan of the Hometown Hero
This guy watched first hand as your redshirt freshman strong safety played both ways as he led perennially awful high school x to their first district title in 20 years.
Fan of the Hometown Hero thinks it’s an outrage that the hometown hero isn’t playing even though he’s backing up an all-conference performer.
He also thinks it’s an outrage that the hometown hero never got a shot at quarterback because he was a great quarterback in high school; this despite every recruiting service having him slated as a defensive player since the age of eight.
When the Hometown Hero finally gets his chance—his No. 1 fan will inevitably complain about how the coach isn’t using him properly.
What makes the Fan of the Hometown Hero so infuriating is that he makes you subconsciously root against one of your own players.
With my Pitt Panthers, the kid in question finally got his shot this season and played well. Every time he made a play my first thought was “!*^#, now I’ll have to read about it."
1. The troll
Need I say more? This is the only guy on the list who goes out of his way to annoy people. Think about that, this guy is so damn bored that he has to shake things up and piss people off to get his jollies.
Because the troll does everything he can to be intentionally annoying while the other four do it unintentionally, this is the worst fan of all and gets the top spot.
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