"You want a messenger boy, call Western Union."
-Soon to be ex Detroit Lion running back Joe Don Looney said to head coach Harry Gilmer, who wanted him to carry a play into the quarterback
"Never was man more aptly named."
-New York Jet wide receiver on Joe Don Looney
"Vicodin and vodka the breakfast of champion's."
-Washington Redskin Head Coach George Allen on cutting defense tackle John "The Tooz" Matuszak
"If the Super Bowl is really the ultimate game, why do they play it again next year?"
-Dallas Cowboys running back Duane Thomas about the Super Bowl
"A plastic man really, actually no man at all."
-Duane Thomas on his head coach Tom Landry
"He runs like a camel. A really pissed off camel."
-Baltimore Colt defensive tackle Art "Fatso" Donovan on quarterback Johnny Unita's running ability
"The best way to die is to sit under a tree, eats lots of bologna and salami, drink a case of beer and blow up."
-Art Donovan on life
"Well the frog men finally got Rosie."
-Donovan on death. Specifically Donovan informing Gino Marchetti of the mysterious drowning death of Baltimore Colt/Los Angles Ram owner Carroll Rosenblum.
"Trade him for a six pack; it doesn't even have to be cold."
-Philadelphia Eagles Head Coach Buddy Ryan on running back earnest Jackson
"Cap Boso? How could I cut a guy with a name like that?"
-Chicago Bears Coach Mike Ditka, slurring on booze a bit, about his back up tight end
"George Halas throws nickels around like man hole covers."
-Chicago Bears tight end Mike Ditka on Bears owner George Halas
"Terry Bradshaw couldn't spell cat if you spotted him the c and the t."
-Dallas Cowboy linebacker Thomas "Hollywood" Henderson on Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Terry Bradshaw
"I'd run over Russ Grimm's mother to win the Super Bowl, too."
-Oakland's LB Matt Millen, after learning Washington's Russ Grimm said he would run over his own mother to win
"I'm broke and I'm back."
-Washington Redskins running back John Riggins, morning beer in hand, telling Coach Joe Gibbs his year long hold out was over
"Come on Sandy, baby, loosen up, your too tight."
-John Riggins—inebriated and laying on the floor at a Washington Press club dinner—to Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor
"I'm all in favor of it."
-Tampa Bay Buccaneer Coach John McKay responding to a question about his team's execution
"Three or four plane crashes and we're in the playoffs."
-John McKay after his Buccaneers broke a 26-game losing streak
"That's unfortunate as I plan on attending all the games."
-John McKay when informed his kicker, Pete Rajecki, was nervous about McKay watching him in the preseason
"Capece is kaput."
-McKay on cutting kicker Bill Capece after he missed a field goal and an extra point
"He's not twins."
-McKay on the weaknesses of linebacker Hugh Green
"Let me know if Cain is able."
-McKay on injured Atlanta Falcon running back Lynn Cain
"It’s shattering when a player loses interest in camp. When you lost your interest in standing around eating steaks you lose everything."
-McKay on training camp
"We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking."
-McKay in a post game review
"Emotion is highly overrated in football. My wife Corky is emotional as hell but can't play football worth a damn."
-McKay on emotion in football
"We stunk. We blocked bad; we were terrible on defense and our kicking game made up for it by being absolutely horrible. I saw nothing that delighted me, we ran on the field fairly well."
-McKay after a game against the Minnesota Vikings
"He's just jealous. You know what they say. Empty tin cans make the most noise, and he's an empty tin can. This game is between the Bears and the Eagles, not Ditka and Ryan. We all know who would win that one. Ditka, hands down."
-Mike Ditka on Buddy Ryan
"That old fat man been talking a lotta stuff in Philadelphia, hasn't he?"
-Chicago Bear defensive tackle Steve McMichael on Buddy Ryan
"Ten thousand bucks if ya knock him outta the game. I don't care if ya hit him with a whiskey bottle when he gets off the bus."
Steve McMichael on his offer to his teammates if they could remove San Francisco 49er quarterback Joe Montana from the 1988 NFC Championship game
"When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately—unless it was, you know, important, like a league game or something."
-Dick Butkus on hurting other players
"I wouldn’t walk across the street to piss down Don Shula's throat if he was on fire."
-Colts quarterback Johnny Unitas on ex coach Don Shula
"I don't know if I prefer Astroturf to grass. I never smoked Astroturf."
-Joe Namath on Astroturf
"I wanna kiss you. I couldn't care less about the team struggling. What we know is we can improve. Chad Pennington, our quarterback, missed the first part of the season, and we struggled. We're looking to next season, we're looking to make a noise now and ... I wanna kiss you!"
-Joe Namath on the New York Jets and Suzy Kobler
“If me and King Kong went into an alley, only one of us would come out. And it wouldn't be the monkey.”
-Oakland Raider defensive end Lyle Alzado on King Kong
"No. But I know I'm not gonna ask him for a ride to the airport."
-NFL announcer Tom Brookshier on being asked if he had any specific questions for 1980 presidential candidate Teddy Kennedy who was to appear for a half time interview. Brookshier thought he was off air but the live feed was constantly running in Senator Kennedy's box.
"He knew who I was, at that time, because I had a reputation as a writer. I knew he was part of the Bush dynasty. But he was nothing, he offered nothing, and he promised nothing. He had no humor. He was insignificant in every way and consequently I didn't pay much attention to him. But when he passed out in my bathtub, then I noticed him. I'd been in another room, talking to the bright people. I had to have him taken away."
-Hunter Thompson on meeting George Bush at Super Bowl VII in Houston, Texas in 1974
"It's like my ex-wife. 21 different personalities and seven of them hated me."
-Coach Jack Rose on his ex-wife