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Thomas the Tank Series Announces Development of New Engine Named Brett (Satire)

GREEN BAY, WI - MARCH 06: Quarterback Brett Favre of the Green Bay Packers listens to a question at his retirement press conference on March 6, 2008 at Lambeau Field in Green Bay, Wisconsin. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)
Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images
Uden FranklinContributor INovember 27, 2009

HiT Entertainment today announced today that they are in the process of developing a new Tank Engine named after Brett Favre.

“The engines have been such wimps lately and we wanted to bring a little NFL attitude into the Thomas the Tank Engine Series,” a company spokesman said. “We figured Brett Favre was the perfect example.”

Brett the Tank Engine will be discovered by Percy in a corn field on the island of Sodor.   Brett will have a round face with blades of hay stuck to his chin and cheeks to represent Favre’s stubble look.

At first, Brett and Thompson, oops, Thomas will be enemies because Brett receives all the attention. Thomas thinks Brett is too dramatic, especially after he catches Brett crying because he wants to quit servicing the tourists of Sodor and go back to his corn field. 

Brett will also win over the affection of Thomas’ two coaches Annie and Claribel. One day Brett winks at Annie and Clarabel and the two start fighting over him, resulting in a crash that makes Thomas unserviceable. 

Sir Topham Hatt asks Brett to replace Thomas and deliver the Christmas presents to the orphanage which makes Thomas cross and gives him a boiler ache.

Brett pulls some pranks on Thomas to loosen him up and convinces him to blow his whistle a little more. Brett eventually grows on Thomas, especially after Brett convinces Sir Topham Hatt to go after Thomas’ friend Hiro when he is available from a competing train company.

Brett will be the most durable engine in the series. In one episode, Brett will go through rain, sleet, snow, and fall through an ice covered lake, but keeps rolling along under water until he finds his way out and back on the track.  

Brett also endures endless maintenance problems, but drives on and ultimately becomes Sodor’s MVE (Most Valuable Engine).

Despite his success, Bret continues to tell the other engines that his next run will be his last, prompting the other engines to plead with him to reconsider retiring.

Brett’s color was originally designated to be green with gold stripes, but an unidentified source from HiT entertainment claims that Minnesota Vikings owner Zygi Wilf , Head Coach Brad Childres, and Offensive Coordinator Darrell Bevell have been ‘tampering’ with the design process despite the fact that HiT Entertainment wanted to maintain privacy until the color could be publicly announced. 

Wilf argues that Emily, a "Stirling Single" engine is already green and gold, but the series does not have a purple engine yet. Ted Thompson, General Manager of the Green Bay Packers, quickly pointed out that Charlie is purple with white stripes, and Rosie is lavender and grey. 

The United States Senate is rumored to be pressuring NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to resolve this color dispute quickly. Leading Senate and House Republicans had spent countless hours behind closed doors in debate about this dilemma and are now encouraging Goodell to push for Brett to be a Red, White, and Blue Engine.

Note: Completely Satire, No Evidence of Favre Becoming New Engine

 

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