Some non-Pitino story ideas for our friends in the media

Matt TarrContributor IAugust 27, 2009

For the record, we here at the Poopdome didn’t tar and feather Louisville coach Rick Pitino a couple weeks ago when he came clean, so to speak, on his 5-year-old extramarital tryst the way many of our fellow bloggers did. Oh sure, we found that whole 9/11 name-dropping thing a little odd, but by and large we were a little perplexed by the amount of attention the story received.

Louisville coach Rick Pitino

Louisville coach Rick Pitino

After all, what’s a little restaurant sex, abortion hush money and extortion between consenting adults anyway?

Thus, you can imagine our glee yesterday when the Ol’ Ballin’ Coach went apeshit on the media Wednesday during a hastily-arranged news conference in Louisville. He lashed out at reporters for having the audacity to air Karen Sypher’s videotaped interviews with police. How dare the media interrupt wall-to-wall Ted Kennedy coverage to report these “lies”, he’s the real victim, etc., etc.

Well, coach, I don’t think we have to tell you how pesky these media people can be when they set out to destroy the reputations of fine, upstanding people like yourself. So we’re not going to sit back and wait for you to get caught with your pants down again. Here are some other important issues we’re confident you can convince the Louisville media to focus on, rather than wasting time investigating the trifling details of an extortion case involving the state’s most recognizable citizen:

- Erin Andrews’ peephole perpetrator remains at large.

- We’re all going to die of Swine Flu.

- I’ve been arrested for DUI 300% less often than Billy Gillispie.

- Anybody tried that Snow Leopard yet?

- One skanky woman? Hell, Calipari screwed an entire university.

- Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman’s real killers remain at large.

- Did I mention Ted Kennedy’s dead?

- Who was the genius at ESPN who decided Moises Arias was a good idea?

- Show of hands … who took advantage of Cash for Clunkers?

- The only thing keeping this program from being UAB is me, ya jackasses.